Ive always lived waiting for some future time or event to make me happy. When I meet her then Ill be happy. As soon as I make enough money, then Ill be alright. When I finally pay off my house, then Ill feel secure. Happiness, security, feeling alright was always tied to something I didnt have right now and that meant that in the present I was always irritable, restless or discontented. It was no wonder that I drank and used all the time.
In recovery, I learned a whole new way to live, and I was given tools to help me be present. One day at a time, was a huge help as I despaired at remaining sober forever. When I started worrying about not having enough money or health or companionship next month or next year, my sponsor would ask me if I had everything I needed right now. As we went through it, I admitted I had a roof over my head, money in my pocket, food to eat and a whole fellowship to draw support from. These and other tools helped me to stay present and appreciate that right now, I was alright.
I once read a saying by Pascal that really resonated with me: All mans miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone. And thats when I finally understood it all. Being able to be comfortable in my own skin regardless of whats going on is the path to the happiness, security and contentment I always sought in some future event. The miracle is that this feeling is available to me right now, right here. In fact, I already have it.
Through working the Steps, I have discovered how to be alright, right now.
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Copyright @ 2016 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
