There are really only two ways to approach life - as victim or as gallant fighter - and you must decide if you want to act or react, deal your own cards or play with a stacked deck. And if you don't decide which way to play with life, it always plays with you.
--Merle Shain

Being the victim is, or was, uncomfortably familiar to many of us. Perhaps some of us are only now realizing we have choices, that we need not let life happen to us. Becoming responsible to ourselves, choosing behavior, beliefs, friends, activities, that please us, though unfamiliar at first, soon exhilarates us. The more choices we make, the more alive we feel. The more alive we feel, the healthier our choices.

Our aim is recovery. Recovering means participating fully in our lives. It means self-assessment and self-direction. It means trusting to move forward, step-by-step, choice-by-choice, knowing all the while that no thoughtful action can trouble us.

Many opportunities to make choices will present themselves today. The choices I make will satisfy me; they will move me toward my goal of recovery.

One day at a time - this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone. . .
--Ida Scott Taylor

It's not always easy to understand that the day stretching before us is all that counts. Daydreaming about the party last week, or getting upset all over again about a fight we had yesterday with a friend doesn't help us right now. When our minds are on the past, we miss out on the conversation or the activity that is going on around us.

Every moment of the day is special and guaranteed to help us grow and understand life. All of us have been taught to pay attention in school or when others talk to us. But we should also pay attention to the birds, the sky, even the grass. And we can learn a lot by paying attention to the conversations going on around us and to the small voice inside us that helps us know right from wrong.

What's going on today is enough to pay attention to.

Am I ready to pay attention to what is around me today?

Talk doesn't cook rice.
--Chinese proverb

Some of us are crazy about self-help books, inspirational tapes, and personal improvement seminars. We'll buy or sign up for anything, whatever the price, if it promises revolutionary insights or a foolproof new system. We want relief in a day and deliverance in a weekend. And we want the expert of the hour to do it for us.

There's nothing wrong with wishing, of course. But there's a lot wrong with kidding ourselves as a way of life. Think about it: If progress could be bought, we wouldn't need to be meditating. If personal transformation resulted from collecting new ideas, we'd have been transformed long ago. Exploring is great. And looking for all the inspiration and wisdom we can find is necessary for growth. But changing is doing. All the plans and schemes for improvement put together won't change a thing if we don't put the principles into daily practice. Even catchy words are just words.

Today, I will take the best plan I have and put it into action. Today, I will say less and do more.

That the birds of worry and care
fly about your head
This you cannot change
But that they build nests in your hair
This you can prevent.
-- Chinese Proverb

Worry can light on our shoulders or sink its teeth into our flesh. Worry can become such a habit that it may actually take over most of our waking and dreaming hours. Worry can break down our immune system and weaken our natural ability to fight illness.

For some people, worry is a full-time job and life companion. How much do each of us worry each day? This is a good question to ask when we are ready to get serious about changing our worry habits.

Once we have identified how and when we worry, we are ready to reverse the pattern. Progress, not perfection, is the key in changing our worry habits. With an open mind and willing heart we have the power to change our habit of worry into one of trust. We know as we make this change that our Higher Power is truly at work in our lives.

Today let me begin to replace my worry with trust and faith in my ability to use my resources to face whatever life brings me.

Thanks Roman ... this makes it worth sharing ... I appreciate it ...

Stop playing tug-of-war.

Letting go can be like a tug-of-war with God.

Have you ever played tug-of-war with a puppy and an old sock or a toy? He pulls. You pull it out of his mouth. He grabs hold again and shakes and shakes and says grrrrrr. The harder you tug, the harder the puppy tugs. Finally, you just let go. Then he comes right back again for more.

I have never successfully treated or solved one problem in my life by obsessing or controlling. I've yet to accomplish anything by worrying. And manipulation has not wrought one successful outcome. But I forget that from time to time.

The best possible outcomes happen when I let go. That doesn't mean I always get my way. But things work out and, ultimately, the lesson becomes clear. If we want to play tug-of-war, we can, but it's not an efficient problem-solving skill.

God, help me surrender to Your will.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.
--Matthew 6:34

To worry about something ahead of time is a waste of time and energy that could be better spent on living a full life today.

For instance, if we spend hours today worrying about an important test at school tomorrow, we can't very well concentrate on studying. And if we lie awake tonight agonizing over what we don't know or haven't studied, we're going to be exhausted tomorrow when we take the test.

Wouldn't it be much better to focus on doing all we can today to prepare for the test, and then, knowing we've done our best, let go of it tonight and get a good night's sleep? In fact, if we do that every day of the year, when a big test comes along, we'll know we're as ready as we can be, and won't have a thing to worry about. What a relief it is to know we've done our best today and every day.

What can I do well today so I won't worry about it tomorrow?

Believing that we deserve better is the first step.

Some people say there is magic in believing. Our expectations are powerful; they are self-fulfilling, in fact. And if our expectations are generally negative, we'll find the circumstances of our lives pretty dismal too.

The good news is that when we expect better experiences, we'll also find them. How does this work? Surely it requires more than just believing. But it really doesn't. When we look for the good in every situation, we quite selectively see it. Making the choice to live this way means we'll regularly see opportunities for opening doors to better lives.

The formula is simple: Our Higher Power's plan for our lives is always for our benefit. Some part of that plan may be difficult to bear at first, but when we remember to believe that it is a positive opportunity, we'll feel its potential for changing our lives.

I will monitor what I believe about every experience I have today. Looking for opportunities will help me see them.

Surrender to the pain. Then learn to surrender to the good. It's there and more is on the way.
--Beyond Codependency

Our goal in recovery is to make ourselves feel comfortable, peaceful, content, happy. We want to be at peace with ourselves and our environment. Sometimes, to do that, we need to be willing to face, feel, and get through discomfort.

I am not talking about being addicted to misery and pain. I am not talking about creating unnecessary pain. I'm talking about the legitimate discomfort we sometimes need to feel as we heal.

When we have surgery, the pain hurts most the day after the operation. When we do the kind of work we are facing in recovery, we are doing an emotional, mental, and spiritual surgery on ourselves. We're removing parts of us that are infected and inflamed.

Sometimes the process hurts. We are strong enough to survive discomfort and temporary feelings of emotional pain. Once we are willing to face and feel our discomfort and pain, we are almost to the point of release.

Today, I am willing to face my discomfort, trusting that healing and release are on the other side. Help me, God, be open to feeling whatever I need to feel to be healed and healthy. While I am doing this, I will trust I am cared for and protected by myself, my friends, my Higher Power, and the Universe.

The power of a man's virtue should not be measured by his special efforts, but by his ordinary doing.
--Blaise Pascal

The airplane kit is on the table in front of us. We have the glue, the little wooden pieces, and the instructions. We work for hours putting together each piece, step by step. A dab of glue here, a clamp there, maybe some rubber bands to hold the bigger pieces together. We work slowly, allowing the glue to set overnight, even though we want to see it fly right now. We follow each step in order, even though we think we know how to do it on our own. Patience is the most important asset we bring to this activity - the willingness to allow each step its own time and proper place.

After we've done all the careful work and waited till the glue is firm, we take it out for a trial flight. It soars!

So do we, when we allow ourselves time to learn each step of the way.

In me there is darkness. But with you there is light.
--Dietrich Bonhoeffer

A speaker at a meeting said, "To continue something when I'm making mistakes takes emotional courage." She was talking about making a decision to turn her will and life over to her Higher Power, and how it works in her life. To keep turning our wills and our lives over to God's care moves us into unknown territory. We will make mistakes, which is why we need God's care as we experience it in the Third Step.

It's hard to keep going after we stumble, especially when we keep stumbling over and over again. With abstinence comes the clarity and awareness to look honestly at ourselves and our mistakes. We want to stop making them. We want to be perfect. We're impatient to change. But change doesn't work that way. Instead, a caring God cushions us when we fall, loves us without conditions, and gives us everything we need. If God can forgive us when we make a mistake, how can we not do the same?

If I fall today, I will fall into the arms of my Higher Power. And then I'll get up again.

The sufferings of love should ennoble, not degrade.
--George Sand

Only in the imagination does love promise happiness forever. Through experience we discover the myriad dimensions of love. Sometimes love is joy. Sometimes passion. Sometimes moments of serenity amongst the laughter and sadness. Generally love is soft. But it also may sting. Love is forever changing.

All that love is, there's much it is not. Love is not shaming. Nor is it punishing. Love does not gloat, criticize, degrade, or diminish. At times we think we're filled with love and yet we selfishly serve our needs before another's. And when we truly express our love to another, there's no mistaking the warm glow that fills the body.

How simple to be a giver of love and yet how forgetful we are when the opportunities arise.

Forewarned, forearmed; being prepared is half the victory.
--Miguel de Cervantes

There will be hard times in our program. There will be hard times in our life. That's the way life is. It helps if we accept this. Then we can prepare for tough times. We can prepare by getting a good set of habits and sticking to them. We can make it a habit to give time to our program each day.

Sticking to good habits is like having a savings account: when hard times come, we can take the "investment" we've made and overcome our problems.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me accept that there will be hard times. Help me prepare for them. With Your help, I'll stay close to You, my friends, and the program.

Action for the Day

I'll put something into my program "savings account" today. I'll make that extra call. I'll read a little longer or go to an extra meeting.

Iron rusts from disuse, water loses its purity from stagnation ... even so does inaction sap the vigors of the mind.
--Leonardo da Vinci

After a long day of working or doing errands, we may want to sit and not do a thing. But although our bodies may be physically tired, our minds may be just the opposite.

If we're plagued by tired, cranky thoughts after a day's activity, we might discover our minds are too hooked into our feelings. We can separate the mind from the body and learn to chase away stinking thinking. We might treat our tired bodies to a bath while we treat our minds to a good book. While we're soaking our feet or resting in an easy chair, we can put on some music. Or we can put aside the hectic pace of the day and throw our creative energies into preparing a new recipe.

There are countless ways to wake up our minds even if our bodies are tired. Instead of collapsing in front of the television or eating junk food, we can change our focus. We can tune out the signals of the day and turn on our minds.

Did I exercise my mind tonight?

She had trouble defining herself independently of her husband, tried to talk to him about it, but he said nonsense, he had no trouble defining her at all.
--Cynthia Propper Seton

To recover means to learn who we are, independent of friends, children, parents, or intimate partners. It means knowing how we want to spend our time, what books we like to read, what hobbies interest us, what our favorite foods are. It means understanding self-direction. It means charting a daily personal course and staying on it. It means defining our responsibilities and carrying them out.

Having an independent identity does not preclude depending on others for certain needs. Perhaps we revel in massage - both getting and giving. Maybe we share the expenses of a household or the responsibilities of raising children. Depending on others to meet their responsibilities does not negate our independent identity; it strengthens it. We choose where and when to be dependent. Healthy dependency complements healthy independence.

Recovery is giving me options. Each day gives me new opportunities.