You cant save your face and your ass at the same time.
After a meeting the other day, a newcomer with 71 days asked me to sign his court card. Hows it going? I asked him. He told me it was tough his wife and kids and job were demanding, and all his friends were still drinking and using. He said he was just trying to hang on. I asked him how sobriety was going and he said he felt awkward in meetings he didnt really know what to share and was afraid of looking uncool or stupid, so he just didnt say much. Thats when I told him that he couldnt save his face and his ass at the same time.
When he asked me what exactly that meant, I told him my experience when I was new. When I got to the rooms I was quietly dying inside, but I was desperate for people to like me. I wanted to fit in, to say the right things and to be a part of. I was pretty sure that if I told you how I really felt: scared, ashamed, angry, that you wouldnt want me there, so I smiled and just said I was fine. I was saving my face, but my ass was on fire and falling off.
When my sponsor directed me to start being honest, to share what was really going on, things immediately changed. First, you didnt reject me; instead you opened up to me and let me know that you felt the same way, too. After opening up, I also felt great relief and my days starting going better. Most of all, though, I learned that it was O.K. to have feelings and that my feelings werent going to kill me and they werent going to drive you away either. Suddenly I saw the wisdom in saving my ass first.
By doing that, I was able to discover my real face and found that it would be accepted for who I truly was.
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Copyright @ 2016 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
