I have been sober now for 22 days and been to 11 or 12 AA meetings. At every meeting I have been to at least one person has spoken and said something that has either happened to me or that I do.
At some of the meetings I have been to we are asked to say our name and I haven't a problem with that. The problem is that I am just too scared to speak in front of 40 or 50 people.
Hi Chatillon..... Congratulations on staying sober for 22 days. That's awesome! I was just like you. The first time I shared it was not because I was ready to or wanted to. An oldtimer, who sat beside me at several meetings kept pestering me to share. He would lean over and whisper--"It's your turn". I just shook my head no and kept my mouth shut. During one of the meetings, he got more aggressive. After I didn't share when he told me to once again, he punched me in the arm. I shared. It wasn't out of anything other than fear. The man scared me to death! Not anymore.....I know how to raise my knee :)
You will share when you are ready to. Also, there are oldtimers in the room who I have never heard share in meetings. It is not necessary nor is it a requirement in order to stay sober.
-- Edited by leavetherest on Monday 8th of August 2016 08:44:48 AM
LTR, above, is absolutely right ... 'sharing' is not a requirement ... just a 'desire' to get and stay sober ... that makes you a member in AA ...
In fact, my sponsor told me to 'shut-up and listen', then after 90 meet'ns in 90 days, you can speak your mind ... LOL, oh boy, did I, LOL ...
The most important thing for you right now is to listen as to 'how' others battled their problems, overcame them and worked with others to stay sober ... That's how all this works, we help each other ...
Have a 'Sponsor' yet??? ... I highly recommend one as soon as you find someone you can relate to ... someone with some good sober time in their back pocket ...
Love you and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Yup, as others have said, there's no requirement that you start talking in meetings at any particular time. Although if you DO feel that this is what you want to work towards, I have a suggestion from my own experience during my early sobriety - in addition to your regular meetings, try going to a couple of tiny little meetings that are only attended by a few people. Talk to the folks there before the meeting, you know, just to say hi and get acquainted. Then, once the meeting starts, raising your hand and saying a few more things during the meeting, even if it's just "I'm glad you guys have this little meeting here", can just feel kinda like an extension of the conversations you were having right before the meeting. It made things much easier for me, and once I did this, I was ready to do it in larger meetings too. I hope this helps.
Congratulations on 22 days free from active (alcoholism) Here's something that helped me decades ago when I was also struggling with speaking in front of people.Just continue to show up,listen to learn,learn to listen and don't pick up..Those who value sponsorship get the most value from the program.Suggestion: to get into "our" Solution the STEPS ,worked with a Sponsor and applied in all areas of your life.. I'll keep you lifted in thought and prayer.Keep doing the daily work
A simple, honest message of recovery from (alcoholism) rings true.
Youre in a meeting. The sharing has been going on for some time. One or two members have described their spiritual experiences in an especially meaningful way. Another has had us all rolling in the aisles with entertaining stories. And then the leader calls on you... gulp. You shyly introduce yourself, apologetically stammer out a few lines, thank everyone for listening, and sit out the rest of the meeting in embarrassed silence. Sound familiar? Well, youre not alone.
Weve all had times when weve felt that what we had to share wasnt spiritual enough, wasnt entertaining enough, wasnt something enough. But sharing is not a competitive sport. The meat of our meetings is identification and experience, something all of us have in abundance. When we share from our hearts the truth of our experience, other alcoholics feel they can trust us because they know were just like them. When we simply share whats been effective in our lives, we can be sure that our message will be helpful to others.
Our sharing doesnt have to be either fancy or funny to ring true. Every alcoholic working an honest program that brings meaningful recovery has something of immense value to share, something no one else can give: his or her own experience.
=
I have something valuable to share. I will attend a meeting today and share my experience in recovery from alcoholism
I changed some words to be Program specific WE REMEMBER THOUGH ALCOHOL IS A DRUG!!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
In fact, my sponsor told me to 'shut-up and listen', then after 90 meet'ns in 90 days, you can speak your mind ... LOL, boy, did I, LOL ...
Just for your information, Chatillon, this kind of stuff is not the accepted tone or the quality of AA as it was founded in the 1930s. Bill Wilson NEVER told Dr. to "shut up." That's because the very program is firmly based on the idea that ALL members are equal -- from the person who has 40 years to the one who has 2 days.
If you hear someone in AA tell another to "shut up," beware of what they have to offer. Anyone who says that is on a power trip. There are such folks in AA, unfortunately. They are not good sponsor prospects.
Also, anyone who has the notion that a newcomer cannot speak until after 90 meetings in 90 days is not applying the AA program as intended. There is no such rule in AA.
Pythonpappy wrote:
The most important thing for you right now is to listen as to 'how' others battled their problems, overcame them and worked with others to stay sober ... That's how all this works, we help each other ...
Yes, this is one of the foundational principles of AA. One alcoholic talking to another.
Share when you can, Chatillon. You will be helping other alkies each and every time you do. Congrats on 22 days.
When I was new I was petrified to share in meetings. I had no recovery to offer. I wanted to listen and learn. I got a sponsor. I made friends and went to coffee. I did plenty of talking, just not in the meeting.
Nowadays, if the sharing in the meeting has already covered what I would say, I pass. Meetings aren't group therapy, they are there to give sober members of AA a forum to "carry the message" to other alcoholics.
As long as you have a sponsor and maybe a friend or two in the meetings that you share yourself with, you're good!
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"God can move mountains but it helps to bring a shovel!"
There are some newcomers in meetings who have to share at every meeting they go to...and some are very longgg shares. There was one oldtimer woman who would yell---yes yell--either "You need to shut up and listen!" or "You need to take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth!" some of the times and usually when a newcomer was upset and sharing some of their personal problems about their job, relationships, etc. and that they didn't know if they could quit drinking or how to quit drinking. I quit going to those meetings that oldtimer attended. I found her outbursts more annoying than anything and my own anxiety level was very high throughout the rest of the meeting when she did that. I really hurt for the newcomers who were on the receiving end of them. The Chair never talked to her and I sure didn't because quite frankly, the woman scared the carp outta me. I really felt empathy for those folks who didn't know where to turn, felt hopeless and confused, and got treated so nasty at an AA meeting where they were seeking help. I would try and make it a point to go up to that person after the meeting, welcome them and tell them it was great to see them...(while hoping that they didn't head for the nearest bar after they left there). Some came back. Some didn't. Maybe they attended other meetings. Just was a real shame they got yelled at because of that woman's impatience and intolerance.
-- Edited by leavetherest on Sunday 14th of August 2016 06:00:31 AM
congrats!! that is awesome. i feel many of us felt like you do...i know i did at times depending on how big the group was or if i felt i wasnt going to be able to offer anything or even speak as well as the person(s) before me. i was told one night by a lady that she loved to listen to me speak because it was new and raw and that even if i didnt feel i had anything, speak if i felt the need because there may be someone in the room that needs to hear that one thing you brought to the room
Well done on 22 days Chatillon ! You're doing the most important thing right now - LISTENING. You're obviously doing that as you say you've identified with something someone's said in every meeting you've been to. When I first came round I was that busy trying to think what I was going to say (& I was going to blow your mind with MY story !!) that I often missed what people were saying. You are under no obligation to share so try not to worry about it. You'll know when/if you're ready. Like most of us you'll probably get to the stage where you WANT to share what it was like, what happened & what it's like now in the hope that other newcomers get the identification (& hope) from you that you're getting from others now.
I still get nervous sometimes when I'm going to share, but today that's ok - I don't have to pretend I'm something I'm not. And as long as I stick to MY experience I can't go wrong. Keep listening & please keep coming back - we need you !
yes, I stuttered and sweated in meeting, in the back corner of the room for a couple of months. six months later they were trying to get me to shut up :p
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 31st of August 2016 03:08:48 PM
