I really don't know where to start but to start by saying this - all of us have been in the position in which I am sitting right now, so while it is comforting to know that I am not alone in this disease, I feel so defeated. I have lost jobs, the job I am currently in now, I have managed to hold for almost 3 years! I have been given chance after chance, all those call ins really do add up. The I'm sick line, really gets old, and having to come up with new ones is hard. I feel even worse because I know that all I have done in the last 4 years is piss my life away by letting a substance control my life, destroy relationships and lie when the money runs out and I can't make bills. I woke up one day after a night of drinking, only to realize that the drink does not even give me the relief like it once did. I use to be able to drink so much that I could not remember what happen the night before. It got to a point when I just could no longer get the effects of drunkenness. I woke up tired of being tired, I had two options, I can admit that I have a problem, get to a meeting fast or I can go street hunting for a side dish.
After all that I have done, destroyed all that has been dear to me, it did not make any sense to find a substitute for the drink, another substance that would probably allow me to dig a deeper hole. None of this is anyone's fault but my own, I felt so low and defeated when I said to myself out loud I am an alcoholic. I should have known better, I grew up around it - I thought I knew what alcoholics looked like and it was not me. I was so wrong, about that stereotype. I have turned into what I swore I would never become. I am going to as many meetings as possible, I am feeling the physical defects of coming off the drink, I just want more, so my headache will subside, so I don't feel sick anymore. I guess I just needed to get that out there in an environment, that people understand and can relate to.
There have been so few people that have known about my drinking, I have managed to keep it hidden, that also makes me feel like a fraud.
Keep doing the Daily work....Days can turn to weeks to years and so on.Want it more than anything and do what it takes to get there.I'll lift you in support and prayer
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Hi;
I'm Marc and I'm Alcoholic.
Keep going to meetings, share your story and be a part of the FellowShip.
This Shit really does work, you know.
I promise. Oh, and prayer helps too. :)
Hi wanting hope.....
Congratulations on 4 days of sobriety! It is great that you are going to meetings and working hard to stay sober. You are no fraud. Try to give yourself a big pat on the back--you deserve it.
Except for your name, the story you posted is the same as mine ... a little over 8 years ago, I found myself in the same boat as you ... then I finally admitted I WAS an alcoholic and that my life had become unmanageable ... I had to overcome some physical health issues so I highly recommend you have a Dr.s guidance over your early recovery ...
Keep coming here for support ...
Love ya, and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I relate to the part and shared with a sponsee yesterday that when I got tired of being tire I stopped and wandered off into the program and the thousands of already sane and sober people willing to show me how they did it and hang with me right up to this moment. I was taught that the real "being Humble" was being teachable and not being criticize and put down for being a drunk. Stick around...do today the best you can and when tomorrow comes...repeat.
Wanting Hope,
My name is Pattie and I'm an Alcoholic,
I pray that you keep coming back, we all felt like you do , that is why we understand each other so well. If you are alcoholic like I am alcoholic you will need to accept spiritual help. Keep going to meetings and don't drink in between. No matter what KEEP COMING BACK.
BB pg. 153-It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that!
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We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed
you said you kept getting fired from jobs. Same thing for me, too. Except the funny thing is, I work for myself. I would wake up in the morning, look at a welding project I had started in my shop, and say to myself: "ahhh...you don't want to work today...you're FIRED".
Then I would have an excuse to start drinking.
welcome to our little place here, Wanting Hope. You've found it.
