Feel a bit of a fraud/who is AA for?

Chatillon · Member

Feel a bit of a fraud/who is AA for?

leavetherest · MIP Old Timer

Hi. Congratulations on staying sober. You proved that you can go without drinking for a day and days.
In order to continue staying sober you really have to have a strong desire to change your life. AA meetings are for you if you decide they are. No one can really tell you what is best for you and convince you that they will help you if you don't decide that for yourself. I know that it was extremely hard for me to get sober on my own. There are some alcoholics who have been able to do that. I was not one of them. I cannot suggest to anyone to "go it alone" when I could not do it myself.

Best of luck to you.

davep12and12 · MIP Old Timer

As Leavetherest said, it's up to you to decide if you want to be involved in AA, but you can rest assured that you are certainly WELCOME in AA. One of the most important 'traditions' in AA is this:

"The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking."

You are just as welcome regardless if you get to AA very late in the stages of alcoholism and have destroyed your life, or if you are fortunate enough to realize early on that you are not able to reliably control your drinking once you start, and that you really need to remain sober instead of trying to drink in a controlled manner, and you find your way to AA much earlier in the progression of your condition and spare yourself several years of misery.

You will find that there are lots of people in AA who are in that second category along with you, and they have found that AA welcomes them and it WORKS for them, and you're certainly welcome to join. I encourage you to read some of the AA literature about this, which can be found in AA pamphlets in meetings or on the AA web site: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/aa-literature .

I also encourage you to look for the similarities rather than the differences between you and other members. I have found that even when the details of someone else's drinking history are very different from mine, there are often similarities in the way we felt . That includes the sensations of craving once we started, the horrible feelings the next day as we faced what our drinking had caused, and the feelings that we go through as we get sober and stay sober and use the program of AA to find a way to live happy and sober lives. I hope you find what I have found in AA, and welcome.

Mystic Man · Veteran Member

Alex . I believe You Are in the right place at AA meetings . Your Higher Power has Not saved you from drowning , to kick you to death on the beach.

I had not have a lot of things happen to me either . But , all my "yets" were just starting to happen . Y E T- means .You're Eligible Too. Meaning.

If you are alcoholic and some of the things you hear what happens to people because of alcohol . You continue to drink . WILL Happen to you.

Fear . Will Not stop an alcoholic from drinking . That's why . WE of AA . Just don't drink.

My partner reckoned I was "not that bad" , it was not what I was drinking , where I was drinking . Alex . It was what happened to me . When I drank.

I have met millionaires , billionaires , priests & nuns ,young people(a 14y/old , who had been sober two years) a, 82y/old going to her 1st meeting.

a 62y/old man who only drank for 3 weeks , sailors , soldiers . Some retuned from conflicts , others who had not been deployed , the list could go on.

Alex talk to an older sober woman in the group , a temporary sponsor , they will get you through these early stages , you can gather better answers.

In person , rather than reading here . BUT Please . Keep going to your meetings . You Won't regret it.

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

Seems to me that AA may very well be for you, Chatillon, based on what you describe.. But how to know for sure, eh?

We have a standard suggestion in AA for new persons in your situation:

Try out the program of alcoholics for 90 days straight. Don't drink during this time, Go to as many meetings as you can, every day of possible.

After 90 days you will know what to do.

MarcLacroix · Senior Member

If you can't safely drink without getting drunk, and
if you can't keep from drinking, then
you've become absolutely powerless over alcohol.

Most certainly our lives had become unmanageable, if not we just keep on drinking and after a while it will be for sure.

-- Edited by MarcLacroix on Wednesday 27th of July 2016 06:29:24 PM

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to MIP Chatillon, ...Glad you found us ...

Your drink'n pattern is very familiar to us ... we've been there, done that ... and many of us have lost so much in life that we hit our 'bottom' ... all due to our alcohol abuse ... you seem smart enough to recognize you do have a problem, and have taken the first steps to recovering from the 'control' alcohol has over your life ... One thing is for sure, if you continue to drink as you described above, it will only get worse, never better ...

I suggest you read through the AA Big Book ... http://www.whytehouse.com/big_book_search/index.asp

and if you have questions, by all means, come back here and ask away ... AA is comprised of one alcoholic helping another learn to live sober ... alcoholism leads to a horrible death, but not before destroying your life and the lives of those close to you ...

Love you and God Bless,
Pappy

Fyne Spirit · MIP Old Timer

AA is for alcoholics, what we call real alcoholics and if you care to compare your experience with the first 43 pages of the book, and the Doctor's Opinion, from what you have told us, I think you would conclude that you have the symptoms of the real alcoholic. The symptoms are all about control and choice, not the things we did. Alcohol makes us all do different things, but it is to the things we do that make us alcoholics.

Put ten alcoholics in a room with some booze. A couple will go all quiet and want to isolate, three or four will want to party and get louder and louder. A couple more will want to fight each other, the other two might start singing. The thing they have in common is that they will all reach for another drink.

Chatillon · Member

Hi

Just an update. Firstly thank you for all your comments, you all make a lot of sense.

After I posted the above someone who I met at my first meeting sent me a text asking how I was doing. I replied and said that I felt a bit of a fraud and he said that he didn't think that I was and the maybe the meetings were helping. I don't know why but it made me want to continue.

That evening I decided to tell my partner. I was expecting that he would say..."Why can't just cut down like any regular person?" Or "Why are you trying to ruin my life? I won't be able to have a glass of wine at home or go out to dinner again!"

Well it wasn't like that. We talked about it for a while, I explained why I think I have a problem and he said that he was proud of me and that he has known for the past two years that I needed to do something, but didn't know what to say. So I now know that I have his support.

Last night we were out to dinner with some friends and at the end of the meal the restaurant gave everyone a glass of champagne. Well I just gave it to one of them. It would of been so easy to drink it but I am now on day 12 and want to continue.

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

Good for you, Chatillon. You are off to a good start. Try out the program of Alcoholics Anonymous 90 days. Keep an open mind. You will meet some nice people, with experiences like yours, who have found that alcohol is unnecessary.
Give a bit of thought to the Twelve Suggested Steps, the slogans and the literature. You can help others and your group, too. Pray a bit--if you can. If you cant, don't worry about it. Relax--give yourself a break. You have time.

leavetherest · MIP Old Timer

That is great that you were able to pass that glass of champagne to someone else.....
This is the world we live in....some people assuming everyone is a drinker at a function or get together. Very insensitive and/or ignorant imo. I went to one of those and had a couple of people actually get mad at me because I kept telling them I didn't want a drink. (No big loss :)

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Congrats to you Chatillon, ... way to hold to your convictions ... no one can force you to drink but you yourself ... I started off say'n 'I will not drink 'today', maybe tomorrow, just not today ' ... and after work'n through the 12 steps suggested as a recovery program in AA, the 'DESIRE' to drink was removed from my very thought process ...

When a person gets to this point, they can be around others who drink without suffering any of the consequences ... no cravings, no noth'n, just a desire to be sober ...

Trust me, the others will get used to it ... and if there are those that badger you for not drink'n, well, they are friends not worth have'n ...

Pappy

Fyne Spirit · MIP Old Timer

That is great new Chatillon. It is something you will probably see again and again on your journey, and it is worth remebering how this turned out. So very often we go through all kinds of anxiety and fear about something we must do, or someone we must face. It nearly always turns out much better than we expect. Likewise with other things we worry about that are way out in the future, probably 90% of them never even happen.

I have found this helps me with the "trust God" part of the program. My faith continues to grow that whatever happens, it will be ok, and usually better than ok. That is my experience.