Welcome to MIP dboy, ... keep one thing in mind right now ... 'TOTAL HONESTY' ... I lied to myself for so many years and hated the idea of admitting I had a problem with anything ... but I did ... until I admitted it, I was lost ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
For me, the issue is not merely that once we take the first drink a craving gets triggered and we are no longer in control over our drinking. The most important aspect of step one for me is understanding the insanity of the first drink - It is the series of insane alcoholic thoughts which can go through our heads BEFORE we actually take that first drink, and which we will listen to and act upon if we don't have the tools of AA, that tell us that it will be okay to take that first drink. That this time will be different. It is the insane idea that we will somehow be able to control and enjoy our drinking, when all evidence has proven long ago that we cannot, and when all evidence has proven long ago that this isn't even anything which ought to be considered any kind of sane 'goal' anyway.
It is the insane obsession to keep trying to drink successfully, rather than accepting the fact that we should be trying to NOT drink successfully.
Until I understood, fully, this process of the insanity of the first drink, and what the solution was in the rest of the steps, I was at constant risk of falling victim to it at any time.
The analogy of 'the problem jaywalker' in Chapter 3 is a good example of this type of insanity.
I try to keep it simple myself, at least that's what I tell my sponsee's.
Once I accepted the powerlessness concept as outlined in step 1, it was easy to maintain a quality of life from that point forward.
I had to relinquish 'all' control (first) and then focus my efforts on 'maintaining' a sober lifestyle. I accomplish that feat by attending meetings.
Every time I step through the doors of an A.A. meeting, I'm admitting to myself and others that I'm still powerless over this disease.
If I stop attending meetings at any point in my sobriety, God forbid, then I'm exercising my free will all over again, and we know where that can lead.
So, I keep attendance high and my participation rate higher. It seems to solve that never ending battle of self will and plausible deniability, at least it has for me.
I don't remember anywhere in the Big Book that says Step 1 has anything to do with admitting being powerless over alcohol and.... "put it in writing so that you'll have evidence that you actually did it and show your written work to another alcoholic so they can tell you why you relapse". I already know why I have relapsed in the past. I drank again.
Step 1 is for me an understanding deep inside of myself that I am well and truly powerless over alcohol and that my life was indeed unmanageable by me.
Everything that had happened in my life up to that point reinforced both of those ideas.
When I talk to someone about Step 1, I talk about my life and the examples of powerlessness with respect to alcohol, and about the unmanageability of life the way I had been living it. By sharing about what happened to me, I can only hope that it helps someone else see it in themselves (if it's there).
-- Edited by jhamlett on Saturday 16th of July 2016 09:32:35 PM
__________________
"God can move mountains but it helps to bring a shovel!"
