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Hello, new to this Hopefully I hmmcan give as well as learn.



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Welcome.

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But for the grace of God.


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Hi John....
You already have given....when I saw "New User" on the board it made me smile. We have so many "watchers" come here everyday and just read. It takes courage to actually post....and your post(ings) are helping others like me.
Welcome.

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Welcome John , great name you have . Welcome to MiP . Are you just new to the forum & sobriety or have you been sober for a while.



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God is out there, but can be a real bastard sometimes...



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Thanks.  I find writing to be "healing".  A lot happened to me all at once in the last 7 months, so sharing/reading with others is great.  Much better than blotting out the world with booze.  3 mnths sober.



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Sober 3 months,  lots happened.  Sobriety is definitely at the top of the list.  Most people in life get only one chance, perhaps if they are really lucky two.  So I intend using every resource t



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THANKS... to boldly go......



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JohnS wrote:

to boldly go......


 The only way to fly... :)

Hi John;

I'm Marc and I'm Alcoholic.

 



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Congrats on being sober for 3 months...that's great! It is hard work and doesn't come easy. I truly know that now.

I too was angry at God and blamed Him. Sometimes it is hard not to when we put our trust and faith in Him and we feel let down when bad things happen to us.
I cannot speak for anyone but myself...I know when I am really honest with myself in most cases it is me and my poor decisions which resulted in most of my problems and heartache. Not God. I say that keeping in mind that there are a couple of exceptions which I do not understand and one is losing my baby and another which I will not post here.
Perhaps there are some things which I will never understand. I do know that overall when I really try to continue to have faith and trust that there is a loving God who watches over me and takes care of me, instead of thinking I know what is best for me and going at things all gung ho and impulsive like I have done many times, it seems like I have better days and at least not as much goes wrong that I can complain about. If I continue to try and focus on what I do have in my life (a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food--the basic necessities) as well as things like sobriety, empathy for others, having the capacity to love others....I really am pretty fortunate a person. There are so many others who are not as fortunate and there is so much nastiness in the world --hate, to name one. All I really have to do is try and stay sober and treat others like I want to be treated. That's it. (Well, I could name many other things that I NEED to do to be happier and more content--they are not as high on my priority list, because if I don't stay sober and if I am nasty and mean to others, I am destined to live and die a miserable, wretched old drunk, and nothing else really matters if I let that happen!

Keep it up!



-- Edited by leavetherest on Thursday 16th of June 2016 01:00:55 PM

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Welcome John,

 Thanks for the post. I am new to the site as well. I recently relapsed after 3 years sober. I attended a first step meeting...again. 90 in 90 is impossible with my job so coming here is one of the things I do in between meetings. Love seeing new posts. 

 

Good luck and welcome,

Todd



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Hello virtual people.  It is wonderful to see others being proactive and using the web for more than porn!  Relapse... the nightmare we all struggle with.  All the advice and wisdom in the world cannot account (for me anyway) for the way I feel and react to any sort of negative situation/mood/feeling.  There seems at these times to be a void between the way my brain tells me how I shouldfeel and the way I actually do. Then I feel as if my feelings are abnormal and the whole catastrophic way of thinking takes hold- if I let it.  My old way of dealing with feeling crap was to escape that feeling by getting pissed.  For me that is no longer an option- the thought of booze revolts me (nearly lost my life 3 times in same day last September because I had been drinking) especially when I reflect on the damage I have done to myself and others.

Joni Mitchell once sang "don't it always seem to be that you don't know what you've got till its gone".  Well that may very well be the case, but I am damned if I am going to give up on myself, family, even god.  Life is too precious- even though at the moment it sucks.  As it iterated to me at meetings- stay sober and aim to be a good person.  These reminders, for me ward off the threat of abuse- plus talking to people- including writing this.  It is cathartic.  May the force be with you all.



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Hi John....Your first paragraph pretty much summed up the way my thinking was when I relapsed...
And I always loved that Joni Mitchell song and how true is the quote you shared from it.

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Hello back, Mr (?) Leave...  I think it sums up heaps of people.  Emotion switch turn to off, turn on alcohol switch.. TURN OFF ALCOHOL SWITCH, emotions reset from where I left them- years behind brain, logic world.  I guess that is where the god thing/higher power/outside of me/one day at....

stuff comes in- which ties into your message b4 last. J hmm



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Hi Tod, the good thing about this site is it's flexible.  I guess it is not exact numbers that count re- number of days this, or meetings that.  What really counts is what is going on behind (for me that is) my behavior that causes me to drink. Not pretty.  But as many iterate- alcohol is a symptom, I am the one using it- thus I need to look deeper to find real causes for all the shit inside of me. John



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Hello to you to Mystic man.... sober 3 months  first time using this.  It is a good "vent your spleen" site- get stuff out.. Just like meetings- except no biscuits....  Same honesty and tolerance/respect I have gained from reading the stuff here to read.



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Thankyou gonee, but not forgottenee (haha?)



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Hi Marc- where lots of alcoholics have gone and will continue to go before, during and after.  How are you?  Question- when/if you get bored -I mean really bored, what do you do that is a bit different to contain insanity? John



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JohnS wrote:

Hi Marc- where lots of alcoholics have gone and will continue to go before, during and after.  How are you?  Question- when/if you get bored -I mean really bored, what do you do that is a bit different to contain insanity? John


 Hi;

To avoid boredom I try to stay busy.

Some years ago I built a WebSite around written StepWork I had done.

Recently I have come across a Joe and Charlie Method which I like. Now I am looking at ways to adapt it into a forum environment. This will take me a little while...

Marc

 



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I'm new John too. I was in denial for 35 years binge drinking like a Viking every weekend , I just said it's time to stop. I made 10 days. It's funny that does not mean much to people who have so much more time , but I was in denial for 35 years because I only drank on weekends and worked 2 jobs. i think binge drinking is worse than a daily drinker in a certain manner, the binge drinks with a purpose a deliberate purpose: get drunk, the daily communicant more or less imbibes to stay steady.O obviously neither is good or normal but binge drinking causes problems. Good luck to you.

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Welcome to MIP Bunchie and JohnS, ...

Excessive drink'n causes problems PERIOD ... whether social problems or not, health problems are a real result that will kill you ... and CONGRATS Bunchie ... 10 days when I tried to quit was a frick'n lifetime ... got 8 year now but I still remember just how difficult it was to quit, so 10 days DOES mean a lot to me, I had to change everthing about how I 'thought' ... my 'thinker' was broken ... but learn'n the AA 'way of life' fixed all that ...

Glad you're here ...


Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy



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Hi Bunchie, well done.  I hate sayings, but one day at a time grew out of hard fought wisdom from somewhere.  I think every alcoholic has more in common with each other than differences.  A usual story is crap childhood- alcohol new best friend, release of bad feelings, then comes dependency and alcohol not working to quell crap feelings, then comes more drinking until the big f-up. The rock bottom.  Start to heal or die.  For me it was/is that simple.  I feel crap about myself sober instead of feeling crap about myself and being pissed. At least now I have a better shot of healing with effort, trying, accepting myself, self forgiveness (for me the biggie).  I cannot say it is all care bears and rainbows.  I think sometimes I feel worse today than I ever have- ripple effect of consequences catching up with me and dealing with feelings for somethings I cannot change.  Nothing like hind site.  I am told almost daily I look better, healthier, in more control- even walk better, not hard on reflection.  I acknowledge this, but yet have made the emotional positive connection with these results.  This is the hard bit for me, to continue to grow- regardless of how empty, lonely and boring it seems to get.  Any thing is better than that I had become.  Keep on keeping on, you are not alone.  An important message to us all.  With my thoughts, John.



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Hi Pappy, nice to see another beard- good for stroking to look philosophical and wise..(not).  Support on this site is very good- it is a moral battery charger when I am alone watching crappy commercials with a movie added in between, alone in my basic room in basic accommodation. It reminds me that instead of thinking I know you are out there I can still here you breathing, I can say I know you are there because I can read what you feel, think, do, pray, act...good stuff.  That the light at the end of this tunnel even though lifelong, is not a train, but the change for me- to be sober, heal, forgive myself- all them wonderful things I yet do not achieve but I will always strive towards- that light.  People like you are holding up guiding torches along the way, thanks.  John 



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Hi John, ... LOL, I grow the beard in the Wintertime ... and the avatar pic was taken during that period of time ... the beard gets too hot during the Summer!!! ... so it comes off, LOL ... plus, this year I had to have carotid artery surgery which meant an incision from my ear to the bottom of my neck ... so it had to go anyway ...

SO, now I do not look sage and wise anymore, I look dumb and stupid like everyone else, LMAO at myself, ha ... ... ...

John, you said a whole lot in your last two posts ... ... ... it hit a nerve with me anyway ... it has taken me years to live with the guilt of all my 'bad' decisions when alcohol played a major role in my life ... so when those feel'ns come dance'n around in my head, I think of what my sponsor told me so long ago ... when we work steps 6 and 7, we admit to, and ask for, 'forgiveness' from our HP ... he asked me if I thought I was 'better' or more 'special or powerful' than God??? ... I said of course not ... he said, then if God can forgive you for your past mistakes, and remove your 'shortcomings', then why can you not forgive yourself and let the past, be the past and let it go ??? ...

I thought, that's a very good point ...

It took some time, but I don't live with the guilt anymore ... do I feel bad for what I did in the past?, or lack of responsibility for things I should have done but didn't?, oh sure I do, but I learned not to dwell on them and just keep putting one foot in front of the other and go forward ... I cannot change my past BUT I can change how I view, and participate in, the future ... and alcohol has no place in the future ...



Love ya man and God Bless,
Pappy

PS ... got a lot of things go'n on in my head right so I don't know if I made any sense or not ...  



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Welcome John. Wow, you bring alot of wisdom to this place. Thanks!

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Hi Troy, not sage wisdom, if that were the case I am sure we would all be millionaires- learning as we all have from the school of hard knocks. The real stuff I learn and hopefully use- even if only 1% is by listening, sharing and reading stories.  At first I would spend hours going through refereed journals, self help sites, blogs all to work out why I am different to other people with alcohol.  I am so paranoid about the whole addiction thing I will not take strong pain relief for my burns.  Don't want to replace one addiction with another.  The point for me now is- it is not necessary to work out why I am an alcoholic, trying to let that bit go.  I need to stay sober.  I need to think about being healthy, good etc without doing my head in with cyclic repeats of "if only" this and "I did that".  That is the hard part, living in the now, learning from the past to make good decisions for the future.  Something for someone who is apparently quite smart was woefully bad at doing.  Then there is that god thing out there, around us.  Well I know he is there, apart from being raised the son of a priest I have seen enough things in my humble life to know without him, I'm fu..ed.

The sad part for me is like every one else I guess, I feel alone- my family have disowned me and this causes at time to think I am not worth their effort.  I realise logically they have to deal with their own hurt, grief and anger. Given my recent circumstances, I find it very hard not having them there to support me.  All I have in the way of support I had to go out and find, no safe haven or people who love me who shelter me from the fear, loneliness etc.  But as a lady said at a meeting the other night, life (for her) is really not about being happy, it is about being sober and surviving.  Lots of people say life will get better.  Well that is where god comes in, I believe life will get better.  It is just at present it sucks bigtime.  Stay well ...John.



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Hello Pappy, thank you.  Good sound thoughts.  The nail on the head for me is being able to forgive myself.  That is where superego analytical brain goes into hyper speed.  Was not raised to do that, as a young adult was not reinforced by me and others.  Then it became reinforced with chuckle juice.  Then accident and WHAM! here I am.  Really just a toddler when it comes to dealing with my feelings and emotions and trying to put them in a balance with stupid thinking too much brain stupidstupid. Oh well, one foot in front of the other- at the moment eyes focused on the ground so I do not trip up.  I will look up every now and then and see a life better tan just looking at my feet.  But need to walk before I run.

All for now, be good John.



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JohnS wrote:

  Given my recent circumstances, I find it very hard not having them there to support me.  All I have in the way of support I had to go out and find, no safe haven or people who love me who shelter me from the fear, loneliness etc.  


 

You have us for support now John ... and we reach all the way around the world ... stick around and you'll even begin to feel the effects we have on each other ... hell, that's what make us so dag-gum special ... 

 

Love ya man and God Bless,

Pappy



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Well Pappy (you old hippie) yes you are right. Strength in addiction. Seems at first to be a contradiction in terms. Not so I am thinking. Recovery is as exciting as watching paint dry. Or world peace, does not mean it is not something to reach for. I know it is a long and winding road (god I hate that song, but like at lot of their stuff, including Let it be... they actually are sage words to me). Spike Milligan (The Goons, Australian comedian, made as a cut snake) once said "They say money cannot bring you happiness...I only hope I have the opportunity to prove this right..". haha. But when everything fall away from under your feet- financial stability, a home, family, support, your life and a meaning there of sometimes it is hard to see the trees in the forest. Geez you know someone is old (at an AA meeting- 9 million years sober) when someone has not heard of Yoda. Have not even been tempted once to drink. Just need to look at the wreckage of the burns (20%) on my right hand side body to remind me of this. Never could resist putting on a show.
Every morning, say my prayers- in my case with thanking god I am still here. Still have not got over the nearly dying 3 times bit, for some reason this seems to dwell on my mind. Then I remind myself of 5 things I am doing ok at. Sober, prayer, health (alive) and then affirm the day is good if I choose to see it that way and no problem I face is catastrophic. This mornings disaster was the mouse for my laptop (connection to the world) was not working. Panic, anxiety- I cannot afford to get it fixed, what did I do to break it blahblah. Loose plug in bit. Then take a few breaths and calming down, thinking in the moment in a real time way works- but it is still artificial to me and pulling teeth with pliers would be more fun. I used to know a kid that used to pull out his teeth with pliers for the tooth fairy money. Took his parents 3 weeks to work this out. I think there is something in that for every one- don't you? ohn (if I did not dislike smiley faces so much I WOULD PUT ONE HERE).
JOHN

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? How can you spot an alcoholic on the street?

A:  2 answers- because he is ON the street and because you are an alcoholic too.  HAHA.  Truth be told.  John



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JohnS wrote:

The sad part for me is like every one else I guess, I feel alone- my family have disowned me and this causes at time to think I am not worth their effort.  I realise logically they have to deal with their own hurt, grief and anger. Given my recent circumstances, I find it very hard not having them there to support me.  All I have in the way of support I had to go out and find, no safe haven or people who love me who shelter me from the fear, loneliness etc.  But as a lady said at a meeting the other night, life (for her) is really not about being happy, it is about being sober and surviving.  Lots of people say life will get better.  Well that is where god comes in, I believe life will get better.  It is just at present it sucks bigtime.  Stay well ...John.


 My daughter has basically disowned me, too. And I have a sister who doesn't want to have anything to do with me. It hurts like Hell to be shut out of loved ones' lives and be treated worse by my own blood relatives than some who barely know me. Staying sober for a good while did not change things.  I can no longer think that my sobriety and trying to improve my life--as well as extend it--have to have anything to do with my daughter or my sister--at all! I set myself up when I first got and was staying sober. I was sure that these people would welcome me back into their lives. When they didn't and when other people in my life hurt me--or I LET THEM HURT ME--the resentments piled one on top of the other. I drank again. I felt it just wasn't worth staying sober because some of the people closest to me didn't give a damn about me--why care about myself??????

I have to take care of myself now --much like I did when my daughter was a baby and helpless. I protected her, loved her and kept her from any harm(s) that would possibly endanger her life. She is grown now. Eight years is a long time not to have the person you brought into this world not have anything to do with you. She is capable of taking care of herself. I have not taken care of myself in the past. Now I have to protect myself, love myself and keep myself from any harm(s) that can endanger my life. Alcohol can and will hurt me. I am choosing to put all the time and energy I spent worrying about this person and that person not loving and caring about me into myself now. I still pray everyday for my daughter, and my sister and her family--nieces and nephews I never see. I have to be content that as long as they are doing alright and safe in God's loving arms, that has to be enough for me. I pray for myself as well. I need to be alright and safe as well, and like, you, I have to have trust that God will take care of me...but I have to do my part and take the best care of me that I can.

And I have to disagree with the lady at your meeting......for me, it is about being happy or no one would have any desire to get and stay sober. If someone has been in AA for awhile, believes in a Higher Power, has worked the Steps and continues to work the Steps and not just stop working them they will find happiness. I was happier than I have been in years, despite loved ones behavior towards me.  I was working the program back then. What happened to me is that some people I got close to were not acting towards me like I EXPECTED THEM TO. Huge mistake on my part to expect anyone to do anything. Then, I gradually stopped doing all of the things I had learned to do in AA to stay sober--less praying, less meetings, less service work, isolating, not doing my daily inventory. I had this huge party for myself----invited no one but myself--then I was hurt when no one showed up to it but me. Then I blamed everyone else for not loving and caring about me. In other words--I refused to reach out for help before I picked up again. I was completely miserable and my happiness faded away and I was fooled into thinking that alcohol was my only "friend" and would make me feel "better.

We each can choose whatever emotion we want to feel at any given time--whether it is sadness, happiness, etc. Alcohol chooses those emotions for us if we drink. I am alot happier now.



-- Edited by leavetherest on Sunday 26th of June 2016 07:57:44 AM

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Okay John, ... did you 'burn' yourself while drink'n ... the 20% bit??? ...

Just curious, cause I did once ... I was drink'n heavy and went to make dinner for the little woman before she got home after work one time ... so I had this long block of frozen Cajun Gumbo I'd bought at Sam's(a large discount chain store here) and I had the largest pot we had on the stove to boil the bag in ... the block of gumbo was stick'n outta the pot some and the water was boil'n vigorously ... I, in my infinite wisdom, decided I needed to put some pressure downward, on the middle of this block, in order to 'fold' it into the boil'n water ... it was almost thawed enough to do this easily but I couldn't wait ... just then, it broke into in the middle and all the boil'n water in the bottom of the pot splashed out all over my chest ... all I had on was shorts and a tee-shirt ...

It almost got down to 'Mr. Happy' but didn't ... my chest however, formed a blister that got so heavy with blister fluid, that the water collected and formed what looked like a giant water balloon stuck to my chest ... 2nd and 3rd degree burns the Doc said ... he said you may lose your left nipple ... (the nipple healed) ...

Oh God, the joys of be'n drunk ... ... ... wow, I could be a real 'dumbass' sometimes ... ... ... (there are many stories just like this one in my past ...) ...



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Oh yeah, ... my dad was so discussed with me that he had me removed from his 'will' ... (after 5 years sober, he put me back in it though ... ) ...



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Burnt because drunk. Lost my right nipple, half the muscle in my right arm, some rib bone, and most of the muscle around my rib cage right side around arm. Still can use arm tho, working on coord'n and lifting- can carry a shopping bag with it now, much better thanb4. Right hand side of me looks like something out of a Frankenstein movie. I joked to a surgeon I would not be picking up girls at the beach soon, given the way my body looks, he said no you will not. I hate being right, he was a bastard, tho. Much better, I think than being dead, armless or stuff...

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We are alike you and I.  Thanks for your words.  I agree with everything you said about family, me, god, working at recovery.  I know it, do it, am told am getting better, still don't feel the love.  I AM sober and I AM alive, both of which I am thankful for, the world has many more possibilities- study being one of them, writing being another.  I feel a little lighter LTR after reading your stuff- J 



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John, if you hold on to this type attitude, it will carry you through many a hard times ... but keep in mind, God will never put on us more than we can bare ... our lives are exactly what we make of them ... they can be happy or sad, rich or poor, loved or unloved, etc. ... ... ...

You are loved my brother ... our bodies are scared in more ways than one, but we do not need to make ourselves miserable over the past, we simply must live for 'today' ... it's THE only way to remain 'sane' ... ... ... also we must remain 'open-minded' to change, I might add ... ... ...



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Did you fall into a fire pit or somethin??? .... sounds like you got burnt way worse than I did ... I only had to rehab my chest for a few weeks ...

 

then there's the time I was use'n a 'box-cutter', LOL ... cut off the end of one of my fingers ... they had to carterize(burn) the end to stop the bleed'n ... then there was the time I fell against the corner of a wall and severed the nerve in my upper arm ... lost all use of that arm for a year til the nerve finally grew back ... oh man, the stories keep come'n back to me ... and they ain't pretty ... all becuse of the alcohol ... keep think'n how I could have been so BLIND ... and for so long ... 

I really shouldn't be alive today ... and it makes me grateful for every day sober that I'm blessed with now ... sounds like you are too ... 



-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Sunday 26th of June 2016 09:40:58 AM

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Cigarette fell into a hard mold sling/splint, which then slowly caught fire with the aid of my clothes. Then it turned molten, stuck to my skin and burnt through to the bone -skin, fat, muscle, nerve and then bone. My arm looks like a tooth pick. Don't remember much. Neighbors heard me screaming. Have flashbacks- especially about pain (funny about that). I am very grateful to be sober. Giving me some thoughts about using this experience to help others and me indirectly. Who knows stranger things have happened.

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Oh man, that gives me a real bad mental picture ... and it makes me cringe at the thought ... and I guess drink'n had somethin to do with it, huh??? ... at least that's when I was most 'self-destructive' anyway ....



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Yes, my oldest friend alcohol.  It was there just when I needed it least.  I wonder is it the alcohol itself, or the daily ritual of it (where to buy it,what,where to hide it, etc) that I miss the most.  Was in the family home, slept in different room to wife, might as well have been dead.  2 adult sons rarely visited- because of me. So alcohol was my not go insane (or so I thought) keep me from getting bored buddy.  Makes it doubly hard now, cos no home, family, booze and still trying not to go insane or get bored... ticktock.



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Hidehi Bunchie.  Why Bunchie?  How are you going?  Remember the HALTS checklist, told to death but a useful one... a reminder: if feeling bad, check are you hungry, angry, lonely, tired or sad? If so what can you do practically in action from that would help you feel better.  Keep life in your sights,  John.hmm



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JohnS....That is tough about the burns you experienced. It is so great that you survived that happening to you! What you said about "not picking up girls on the beach". I really believe that so many people place too much emphasis on exterior appearances. I think it is far more important to look at what is on the inside of a person--not the outside. Looks fade over the years. To find someone who really loves you for who you are rather than what you look like is much more meaningful and lasting.

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Hey there, the girl on the beach remark was an intended  put down to me joke that backfired somewhat.  The point for me though is my body image is radically different than before all this stuff happened.  Some experts would say I am grieving my image.  All I know it is not pretty, despite being thankful for being alive, without a shirt on, all I want to do is put a shirt on. Vain, huh?  Only human after all.  Besides it is a permanent physical hangover to remind me of that very very rock bottom episode.  J.



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Most of my life I have not been happy with my looks and I have never been through anything like you, John.  I have shot compliments down...thinking others were just trying to make me feel good about myself. My self-image has not been where it should have been....until fairly recently. I am starting to accept myself now. I don't spend nearly the same amount of time fixing my hair/makeup and worrying so much about the few excess pounds I have on me. All that stuff came from trying to be someone I thought would be more attractive and appealing to other people. Guys I was with looked at other women????? Okay, must be something wrong with me--gotta put on something sexier, apply more makeup. It is embarrassing to admit that I wouldn't even walk outside to the mailbox to check my mail without putting on makeup for fear neighbors would see what I really looked like! How sad! I don't even worry nearly as much as what I wear--whether it is "in style". I used to dress up for meetings. Took me well over an hour usually to pick out just the right clothes, fix myself up. It's an AA meeting! Here I was worried more about what I was putting on than what I was getting out of the meeting! That's all changed for me now. I don't really care what I wear to meetings now and it takes me usually 10 minutes to get ready. I wore something to a meeting not long ago and a woman came up to me and called me "Hippie Girl" because I just combed out my long hair and didn't roll it, my pants were a bit flared and covered my sandals, and I was wearing a loose fitting top. LOL! I prob. did look a bit "hippi-ish". What's wrong with that? I got to a meeting.  In the past, I would have cried my eyes out over a comment like that and gotten rid of anything I thought someone else didn't like. Not this time. My vanity used to fuel my insanity!

So self-acceptance is extremely important to me now as well as vital to my sobriety. I am learning to love who I am. And the below quote, which comes from the Big Big Book (as Pappy calls it), is music to my ears:

"But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."



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GREAT QUOTE LTR ... love it ...



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It is a great one, that's for sure!

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Hi Leave- thanks for your share.  Happy am alive, accept the way I look.  Focusing of course on brain/emotions/feelings/growth, world peace, universal health care.  Your words however ring true.  There is a difference between Barbie at one end of the scale and looking shit due to self neglect (not including those who are very unfortunate and have no control over such things).  Never hurts to be reminded.  I accept my image, BUT I do not have to like it, true?  Regards John



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I just wanted to say welcome, John. Welcome to M.I.P.  Please continue. 



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Mr.David


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Hi Mr David, 51- Author and humanitarian.  I hope the world is a peaceful place.  I am an aspiring (which could coorelate to have not done much yet- trying) writer.  Thanks for the welcome.  I find having a 24/7 place likethis to go to- especially at night when options for socializing are shit all at present.  It is interaction.  Kind of like the drink I am having when I know I can not drink.  Fills that empty hole in my guts.  I'm 52.  So being much older than you I can share with you my immense wisdom, hindsight and "if only" knowledge. I am in Adelaide, Aust.  Winter here.  Cold- although nothing compared to what you experience.  I have seen snow twice.  It snows here about every 10 year for a night or so.  You would probably call it sludge.  Watching part 3 of the Hobbit again.  Not bad.  Better than drinking. Some interesting news.  When I was in the ICU, a Dr asked me to be involved in a research project- to investigate if BND (bloody near dead) people who experience extreme trauma are more likely to end up with diabetes.  I gladly involve myself- because if anything positive can be harvested from such a fuc---g train wreck of a miserable experience, good.   As a bonus 



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Hi Mr P -   Re god-there thru happy wink /sad no, rich/poor, loved aww/unloved: hopefully confuse even though I know he is about for the sad, poor, unloved part: I can't wait for the happy, rich, loved edition to happen .  This episode sucks.  When a small child is being belligerent because they are sick and feeling bored, miserable and sore- a loving parent telling them they are loved, they will get better and everything will be fine- maybe might want the child to hit furious them and only get happy when bribed. I'm human I admit that. hmm            

DAMMIT, run out of those annoying little faces to play with.........blankstarebiggrinyawnbleh , no I hadn't.. tricked you.  no 

Take care space rangers, to infinity and beyond!  JOHN (disbelief)

 



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Just a thought, am watching part 3 of the Hobbit (again). Got me thinking... a question for anyone with such an interest in LOTR, which LOTR character best describes your alcoholic personality/the one you relate to- and why? I would like to the genetic hybrid love child of (assuming compatible male/female DNA) Legolas, Gandalf, Galadriel, Faramir and Tom Bombadil. Larger than life, brave, wise, resourceful, smart, compassionate, selfless, disciplined, strong, happy and well centered. NO! Not me. I would be the accident child mix of Boromir, Radagast, Eowin and Thorin. Yes- brave, smart, strong and resourceful/compassionate (have shown that last 6 months). BUT also well intentioned to the point of obsession, self centered, prone to be over come with emotion, needing support when I am down and able to rally when I am fu--ed.
Soldier on! John.

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Congrats on 3 months ... this is certainly a period of a lot of 'changes' ... mostly on just how we think ... it controls everything about us ... keep up the good work during this most confusing part of your life ... most of us did it, you can too ... carry on ...


Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy



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To John S, May God bless you I was going through the posts and I read about your burns. Earlier when i posted it was before you posted the story so I never knew. I do however have the unpleasant experience of dealing with people who have been burned at work. High voltage electrical burns , most do not survive the ones that do are changed for life, many time I have thought there but the Grace of God go I , and I did the job with the fog of alcohol , from weekend binging , clouding my brain. It's probably the main reason why I did not imbibe during week.Believe me I made up for it on the weekends and then some. I like your posts and I am sorry to hear about your accident. Going to bed now another day sober, I am starting to feel like Donny Osmond for crying out loud, haha Bunchie

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Bunchie


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Hi Bunchie, Donny Osmond ? There was a boy.....god showing my age.  I lived most of my childhood moving around country towns, my dad was a priest.  I remember our first television arriving- I was quite a moment.  Used to get 2 channels- for part of the day.  One of the programs I cringe to remember is the Donny and Marie show.  A point-because I have free for all memories that are coming back to me left, right and centre.  The smallest thing will trigger a memory-the color of a garage door, a flight of stairs. I guess when one is born, raised and still live in the same state for 52 years practically every thing I see, taste, hear or do will trigger a memory.  The good thing is some of those memories are good- not sponsored by alcohol.  Sifting through alcohol drugged memories is a tall order- at least I can accept them now for what they are with out falling into a screaming heap of shame and self pity.  Now it's remorse and guilt- which are more doable feelings. Yes another day sober, slow but sure keeps me in the race.  Be peaceful,

John



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Been in the same city for 50 years myself, maybe that's why we drank so much, you get in a routine everyone goes to neighbourhood pub everybody knows you, everyone is alcoholic but no one readily admits it, alcohol and my neighbourhood go hand and hand. It's a rite of passage to bring their sons and sometimes daughters too , when they turn of age and get drunk. All behaviour is acceptable short of murder and sex with someone 's spouse. Copss, fireman, teachers, politicians, and even the parish priest on occasion. It is what is and it does not look like it will change. The names change , but the stories are preety much the same.

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Bunchie


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Just joined AA for the second and final time! I am currently still suffering the hang over. It's the kind of hang over that makes realize you've really got to make some changes in your life. 



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catherine marie arndt


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Glad you're back on the road to sobriety. I remember those hangovers you describe. I don't know how I survived some of them.
You don't have to bear any more, CA....

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Welcome back. Dig into the Big Book. Get a sponsor and get to that spiritual experience. It's our only hope.



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Bonnie


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CatherineA wrote:

It's the kind of hang over that makes realize you've really got to make some changes in your life. 


 I remember those. Except the only change I would make is the type of booze! It would of made my life easier if a hangover had the power to keep me sober. 

Pain is a great motivator though.



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