Denial is an amazing thing. When I first entered the program, I had no intention of staying sober longer than a few months; I just needed to pull things together a little, get myself under control again. I wasn't like the real alcoholics I heard share in meetings, and I was sure I could control my drinking again once I cooled it a bit. After all, it hadn't been that bad I told myself.
As the fog cleared, though, and I began journaling and working the steps, more began to be revealed to me. I especially remember sitting in meetings listening to people share about being arrested for drunk driving and thinking that never happened to me. I was sober over a year before I remembered that when I was seventeen I crashed my car into two parked cars and was arrested for reckless drunk driving. That was a humbling memory...
As I peel back the layers of my past and uncover the truth about my drinking and using history, I'm amazed at how lucky I've been. I've heard that prisons are packed with alcoholics and addicts who never found sobriety, and I now know I could easily have been one of them.
Today my denial is gone and the longer I stay sober, the drunker I realize I was.
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Copyright @ 2016 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
