I'm a single mum, I've taken the first steps and admitted all to my gp, who has referred me to a drug and alcohol worker, I've admitted all to her too. Feeling very alone right now, the shame is the worst?? Help!!!
Admitting we have a problem and doing something about it is no more shameful than someone deciding to climb into a life boat when they are drowning at sea.
It is, in fact, the very best thing that we could be doing. For ourselves and for those around us.
As has been mentioned by others, I encourage you to get to some AA meetings. That's what made the difference for me, and I hope you find what I have found - a way to live sober, without needing or wanting a drink, and with a degree of sanity and serenity that I never had when I was drinking.
If you have any questions about AA or how to find a meeting, just ask here.
Welcome to MIP Amanda, ... You've made a great and important decision, realizing you have a problem AND admitting it ... we are here to help any way we can ... if your children are of a concern to you, please think of them as you make your next decision ... get to an AA meet'n every day and more often if you can ... they understand what you're go'n through and will help ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
You're at the start of a journey and have already taken some of the hardest steps: to admit to yourself, to admit to others, to seek help. And to feel the shame and truth rather than reach for the bottle.
I do not know an alcoholic who has not felt shame. I do. That you feel shame and have not/will not/you'll do your best NOT to cover that shame with the bottle is, perversely, an act to be proud of. It does not feel that way, I know - but it takes a certain kind of guts to do what you have just done and it will take another kind of guts and tenacity to recover from alcohol addiction. It takes guts to face the shame and not try to drown it and you are doing so even though it might now feel that shame could crush you. This may sound unpleasant/unappealing but is not part of our drinking that we try to cover our shame by the forgetfulness of drink? It is time to face the truth and the truth is we do feel shame. But by facing the fears that haunt us, rather than trying to drink them away, we can with time endure and overcome, even if we cannot repair all of the damage we may have done. If it sounds like I'm telling you what to do, I don't mean it that way - I just mean that by, "It is time to face the truth", that you yourself have already done so. Thousands of us have taken that lonely step, but after time you can find that you are not alone. An AA group can provide that sense of support immediately. You are not judged. We're all in it together. We all know our mutual weaknesses. We all know that we're all trying to break free or stay free.
"Face the fears that haunt us" - you have already begun this and have named "Shame".
It took me many years to take the steps you have just taken and I only went to my GP etc 2 years ago. I still struggle with my alcoholism but know that I am a better man when I do not drink. I know my life streses and problems are less when I do not drink. I know I can face my shame and deal with it better when I am not drinking: the shame and pain is unavoidable but can be managed and given time we may even have chances and opportunities to make-up for the shameful things we might have done/neglected when we were drinkers. But we can only make the most of those opportunities if indeed we can remain in control/abstinent from drinking. The opportunities for us to repair some of our damage and shame will of course not even come our way if we keep drinking to the extent that it damages our lives and the lives of those around us.
It may be that you mean "shame" in a slightly different way to how I have responded to it. Perhaps you mean it more in terms of something embarrassing or awkward to admit to - such as for example Depression used to be and the consequent social stigma. If you mean it that way then, "Yes", I understand that that aspect of shame is difficult to deal with too. I am careful who I reveal my alcoholism to partly because of the small community I live in and certain forms of judgement that people form. Being an alcoholic is indeed in one way a "shame". Are we not weak? Lacking self-control? Well, that's not really the full picture I think - there are many reasons why we become drinkers - for some their lives are so challenging that in a weird kind of way alcohol might have been the only thing that got them through. But eventually, if as you have done, it is possible to wake up, as it were, and move away from the medication which at the end of the day doesn't solve the problem. In that sense I see nothing to be ashamed of.
Only your guts, bravery and the support of others will solve the problem. I wish you good luck and solidarity in your journey to freedom. You and I are both in the early stages. From one like you, have courage as best you can. If you can, get to an AA meeting as soon as you can - I delayed going for a long time but think it would have helped me at an earlier stage in my recovery. As weird as I found my first AA meeting and dreaded going, there was one thing I was immediately convinced of: I am not alone in this. Thousands of others like me struggle. And thousands of others like me find lasting freedom. And some of them are right here now with me in this room.
Given your expression of aloneness and shame, it really might not hurt to give an AA meeting a go - they've all been in your shoes before and they will support you in this at times lonely journey. And if you do fall? Get back up and again they will continue to support you without condemnation or judgement. Don't be embarrassed if you fall or are still drinking - people go to AA meetings even if still under the control of alcohol. But there is a greater chance for them to find the freedom they seek. You might feel daunted, ashamed, weird, frightened at your first AA meeting. But I would be very surprised if you came away feeling that you were alone.
Good luck and best wishes with your recovery. Congratulations on taking the first steps.
Welcome to MIP ,a place where one reaches out to another in a loving and caring manner.Here is a link to some pamphlets (you can click on them) and read about some of your concerns.WE always suggest Face to face meetings and those who get the most from the Program(STEPS,worked with a Sponsor)) value Sponsorship..Keep letting us know how you are doing WE are here for each other...
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/what-is-aa
-- Edited by mikef on Tuesday 3rd of May 2016 03:38:45 PM
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
