Big blowup here on the Ponderosa. No details...(you're welcome)....just by myself and that crappy urge to drink came over me. I almost gave into it. I started to look for my shoes and then I just stopped...and thought about things for a bit and prayed. I thought I don't have to do ANYTHING but that right now.
I am drinking coffee now. Almost finished my fourth cup. I will fix more when the carafe (or whatever that damn thing is called) is empty. My sponsor had to cancel our first meeting last night. We are supposed to meet tonight. I can hang on til then....I think I can make it through today anyway without drinking.
Well, that was scarey! Even when I typed that posting above I didn't have myself convinced of being able to stay sober.
Better now.....just stomach is burning from acid in all the coffee I drank and my tongue is yellow from that and chain smoking. Better that than wine.
And I have a longggggg way to go to (hopefully) get to "happy", "joyous" and "free".
I'll take sad and depressed but SOBER for now until I get there. I will try to keep telling myself about the things that get me crazy......"one frick'n day at a time!"...."calm down" and as someone posted earlier..."this too shall pass".
