"The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." Or "What's the use anyhow?"
Big Book, There is a Solution pg. 24
(that'd be me)
-- Edited by leavetherest on Saturday 23rd of April 2016 07:11:45 PM
"Or perhaps he doesn't think at all". No defence. I reckon this is the one that cathes most of us. Then they get fired for not calling their sponsor first. How silly is that?
my first sponsor didn't fire me to my face--my boyfriend was informed that I needed to find another sponsor at a meeting we were both at. And I was told by this same sponsor that I wouldn't be fired if I drank again when we first started working together.
It's hard.......very hard and humiliating....I am now considered "the white chip wonder". I am not picking up chips because of that.
and I really didn't "think" at all, that's true....and that sponsor avoided me at the meeting the other night. (I was actually kind of relieved).
That's my kind of alcoholism LTR. No matter how great the wish, I couldn't avoid those defenceless moments. That was until I realised that the whole AA deal is about getting my own personal relationship with God. The steps were the path to that. When I forgot about not drinking ( i I was no good at it) and just concentrated on getting that concious contact with a God I had no experience of or feeling for, things began to change almost in spite of me.
My sponsor rang me on 10 May 1980 and told me I had been sober three months. I was amazed. I had no idea. It had been ages since I had thought about a drink. It seems the obsession was removed and a defense of sorts was in effect from the moment I sincerely began seeking God. My sincerity was demonstrated by my action with the steps. I was well into step 9 by this point. I don't know what else I can tell you LTR.
Yes, and here I was thinking I had all this faith in God. Maybe I had faith--and just not trust. I was defenseless. I will keep trying to get closer to God. I went for a good while without even thinking about drinking. I thought I was finished. I hope this is it now, so it won't finish me. About what you said and the stepwork.......it took over a year to do my Step work with my first sponsor....he cancelled alot of apptmts with me--one after the other..I was starting to feel resentful and the depression was starting to kick my butt. Pappy strongly suggested to me to get another sponsor. I didn't listen. I didn't want to hurt feelings....so I hung on.
I had just started with my second sponsor after I first relapsed, and already posted about all that.
So I have yet another sponsor and I am really excited about that. I actually have daily homework and this person I have always admired in AA and one I feel I can really trust.....very serene--calm and most of all very happy! The kind of sponsor I really need and one who I am so very glad is willing to help me.
That faith thing was hard for me to get. When I started out (step 2) I was willing to believe if I got some proof, but I did not believe. I had no faith that this would work other than the vague notion that maybe the same power that helped those other folks could possibly help me. I made my beginning on nothing more that that. Next it occurred to me that a bit of prayer might be wise. How do you do that? I asked in the meetings and gave it a go in the most child like way.
In the third step promises it says an effect is sometimes noticed at once. I didn't notice, but there was an effect. "Having a new employer, He provided what we needed" another step three promise. What I needed was the courage to take the steps. From a falt out refusal to do certain steps, my attitude was turned around and I found myself on my sponsor's doorstep asking him to help me with the fourth step. We did it together that very Saturday, and on the Sunday I took my fifth step with him.
My internal life changed dramatically from that point on. I had my proof. I had really begun to FEEL the Power at work. I read those fifth step promises and saw them come true for me. I realised I was on the right track at last. I had no problem with willingness about the other steps after that. And or course it worked.
The thing is, intellectually I was something of a confused midget. The work I did would have had no merit from an acedemic point of view, there were no screeds of paper, wordy exhortations to higher living or anything like that. It was not a huge acedemic exercise, I didn't write any novels. It was a piece of spiritual work that opened the way for a Power Greater than myself to come into my life, and once there, through steps 10-12 a program of constant improvement came into effect.
The first part taught me the principles, the second, a way of life. There wasn't a lot of time or skill involved, just a willingness to change, and a willingness to try and put into practice what I was learning. And perhaps a realisation that this is a journey that has no end. The steps as such are never really done with.
I love that "Having a new employer, He provided what we needed". Guess I need to fire myself.....I knew I shouldn't pick up again, I had this voice inside me tell me not to, and I listened to that other voice telling me to go ahead.....I think that voice was from down below --not up above.
It sounds like your sponsor was awesome! Thank you for sharing your experiences with me Fyne Spirit. I feel like I am more willing than ever to change and to try very hard to stay sober. I am trying to listen to you guys on here as well as my sponsor. You all are taking your precious time and trying to help me and others. I need to take my time and use it wisely---listen to people like you--and to God--try to put into practice all I am learning--and not use my time drinking.
I am on day 5 today ....it is kind of exciting that I have that many when I was back to almost everyday drinking. Thank you so much.
