Watched a relative go through the nightmare of craving alcohol today. I saw him itching for it this morning and look immensely relieved when he felt like it was okay to grab a beer at noon. And then have numerous glasses of wine in the afternoon. And then get upset for a moment when we proposed going to dinner at a place without a bar -- only to quickly regain composure. I remember that feeling so clearly. The secret obsessing. The trying so hard to feel okay about it. The irritation when loved ones get in the way of your drinking. The deep feelings of relief when it is finally "okay" to drink. The exhaustion and fog of trying to carry on a conversation after having too much. It's an awful cycle. Again, so thankful that is not my life anymore.
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
I remember those first few days sobering up ... the cravings were very near unbearable ... couldn't get my mind to stop think'n 'I gotta have a drink' ... and you hit the nail on the head, cause I too, would get very unsettled if someone suggested go'n out to eat at a place without a bar ...
oh wow, thank God those days are part of 'the past' ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
And I have been having all those awful uncontrollable thoughts as well, and hating them, but at the same time feeling some kind of bizarre feeling like I had it under control..and I did some controlled drinking I thought...Not really planning to, just happened that way. I could stop for days, weeks, even a few months at a time. At first I thought it was terrible! Then I thought well, at least I am not drinking every single day and am getting some sober time in between the drinking.Then I had a rough couple of weeks......and the days in between were less and less, and I had to hide the bottles...and I got back to wanting it every day..... and it is all so very weird because it really doesn't taste as good as it used to and it doesn't make me feel as good as it used to, yet I still want it.
I went to the first meeting I have been to since early February....My ass was dragging so far down between my legs, I am surprised I didn't have to clean the gravel out of my crack afterwards. I have been sober all day today. My trust in myself is gone. Hopefully, I can stay away from it. I have a new sponsor. I can't stay sober by myself. I need all the help I can get.
Wipe the dust off all the tools in your AA bag and use them ...
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
