With your current location, I don't think it'd be too hard to find a 'young people's group' in your area ... although it's mostly like you described in most areas ... older people who've already experienced what you're about to go through, which has a quality all it's own ... but I realize there can be communication gaps and relating to older people can be difficult sometimes ... alcohol makes life hard and recovery is basically the same ... the old guys can help even if you don't find a suitable younger group ...

I encourage you to check out ALL of those meetings that are either on campus or within a few blocks of campus. You're likely to find some younger people there.

I notice that one of the meetings tonight is a "Q&A" meeting, near the campus. Those can be really good for us when we're new - the format is usually like this (although it varies from place to place): they pass around some slips of paper and you can write down a question anonymously and then they collect them, and then usually the main speaker will read & try to answer them.

And when you find some meetings with young people, make a point to stick around after the meeting and tell them you are new, and ask those people what other meetings THEY go to, and go there too.

 

-- Edited by davep12and12 on Monday 11th of April 2016 05:19:51 PM

Sounds like you've matured a bit over the weekend ... and are learn'n the true definition of the word 'friend' ...

Sounds like a plan ... a good one ...

Maybe I'll go to two today. I could do the noon alano club and then try a different one

The AA members that man those phones are usually volunteers ... so the real people thingy may be spotty ... they receive calls from drunks and even those threatening suicide ... in addition to those just look'n for info ... might be worth a try during a different 'time slot' ... you may catch someone at the phone then ...

It takes a 'special' person to go through a lot of that ... when you get some time under your belt, you can volunteer for a time slot there and commit to a month ... that would give you tons of experience try'n to help people look'n for help just like us ... those of us who are serious about our recovery soon learn that the only way for us to keep what we've been given, is to give it away in just this sort of fashion ... 

 

-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Tuesday 12th of April 2016 11:13:56 AM

The '90 meetings in 90 days' idea was a huge help for me when I was new. It really helped make me feel comfortable in meetings pretty quickly, and it helped me develop some good habits like just basing my day and my schedule around the fact that I'll be going to a meeting, so I didn't spend a lot of time mentally arguing with myself about 'should I go to a meeting today?'.  

Nothing wrong with getting numbers from people who have been sober quite a while and are willing to help. But getting a phone number doesn't automatically mean someone is your sponsor. And we can have 'temporary sponsors' when we're really really new, until we find someone that is just an obvious 'right' choice. The idea of getting a sponsor who is the same gender is partly to avoid any issues with the two people feeling attracted to each other, but it can also be important if/when you have a need to discuss some rather personal stuff that you just would not feel comfortable discussing with someone of the opposite sex.

And please don't hold your duck like that. It must be uncomfortable for the duck  : )

I'll warm up the oven ... reckon the duck would mind losing the feathers with a warm place to lie down for a while??? ...

-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Tuesday 12th of April 2016 02:39:47 PM

Group BBQ anyone? We can have a nationwide meet somewhere and just pig out lol. More AA related: I know in the first year of sobriety I am supposed to avoid intimate relationships but does that mean I should actively avoid it or if it starts to happen should I just allow it?

sorbsauce wrote:

---

Group BBQ anyone? We can have a nationwide meet somewhere and just pig out lol. More AA related: I know in the first year of sobriety I am supposed to avoid intimate relationships but does that mean I should actively avoid it or if it starts to happen should I just allow it?

---

There are different takes on this. Personally, what worked for me was to 'avoid any major changes during early sobriety". That meant not starting a new relationship, not abruptly deciding to quit my job, not moving to a new city, etc. It was explained to me that we can sometimes make some rash decisions early on, which would (A) be very different from what we would want to do just a little later, with just a bit more sobriety and perspective, and (B) can stir up a lot of extra drama and stress in our lives that should probably be best avoided during my early sobriety.

CONGRATS on 1 week, ... that's really awesome ...

and Dave gave you some good wisdom regard'n new relationships ...

Oh, I deep fried some chicken the weekend ... it was great ... like mine a bit spicy hot ... (and I got a good deal on chicken at the store too, LOL) ...

We take our duck breasts and butterfly them open, then put half a jalapeno stuffed with cream cheese inside of the breast and wrap it with bacon and then stick a tooth pick through it and fry it. We call em duck poppers.

lol you and those pictures. You think I would do alright in California as a Health and Fitness Management major?

Yeah the living there until I get things really going would be expensive.. so 3 years is still early in sobriety? Also I'm not sure how to tell my parents.. I have to move back in with them this summer and they'll wonder where I'm going every day

The problem with my parents is my dad takes everything as if it's about him. So me being an alcoholic would make him look bad. It's how he is. One of the most self centered person I have ever met. That's probably part of the reason why I wanted to move to California haha far away from him. But yeah now California isn't sounding so tempting lol

When the time comes, tell your folks that you became aware that some of your friends in school were slipping into trouble with chemical dependency ... and to support them get'n their life straight, you have chosen to donate some of your time go'n to area meet'ns to help support them through a ruff time ... AA need not be mentioned, but if they press the issue, be totally honest with them ...

It's unfortunate your dad is that way ... but you're an adult now and must decide how and when to break the news ... he'll find out sooner or later and it's best come'n from you ... (but if there is a risk of be'n thrown out of the house, keep all this to yourself for now ...) ... no need to stress them out over some problem you've taken action on ...

 

Well I have a mad hankering for a drink right now.. Good news is all of my buyers know I am going to AA and they wouldn't buy for me. Told a friend that I wanted a drink and she said she wants to drink too. I was hoping she'd slap me and say no or something of the sort. Everyone here smokes weed and drinks every night. My meeting was different. People seemed to talk to me more as part of the group. I guess I am not the new guy anymore because a woman came back off of a relapse. They tell me there are other college students in AA but I guess none of them go consistently.

I'm hanging. Longest few days of my life haha. I'm going to Alano tomorrow at 12 and another meeting at the Alano at 8. I missed a few last weekend so I need to catch up. I have been looking forward to Saturday all week. There is the meeting on campus so I am hoping there are younger people there.

I don't think I'll be able to make it when I turn 21.. honestly the only thing keeping me from drinking is my buyers won't buy for me.

sorbsauce wrote:

---

I don't think I'll be able to make it when I turn 21.. honestly the only thing keeping me from drinking is my buyers won't buy for me.

---

 Remember what I was saying about being overly concerned about something that is way off in the future? This is something that you don't have to be concerned about for a couple of years. And assuming you stick with your decision to stay sober a day at a time and work a program of recovery in AA, it's very likely that you will feel VERY different about this long before then. First things first. One day at a time. Plan for the next meeting.

You guys are both right.. I did two meetings today. Going again at noon tomorrow.

The mood swings suck. I had a great day and now in bed I feel like crying. Just don't get it. I have friends and I have you guys and the people at AA yet I feel totally alone.

I can almost guarantee you that some of those older folks in your meetings probably don't have nearly the maturity you have, regardless of their age. Just try to stick with people who seem mature, do not have the need to put you down--or backbite others/gossip--or seem miserable. There are some folks who go to the meetings I used to go to and they had sons and daughters who were also in the program. You never know who you may meet by knowing other people.

As far as the wanting to cry--completely understand about that. I am feeling that way now. There is this wall evidently which is not letting me. Think in the back of my head I feel it will make me weaker and a part of me wants to prove that I am strong (LOL!--which I am obviously NOT) Think I told you in an earlier post to go ahead and cry....Ha! I cannot follow my own advice. I think I am going to try and find some sappy movie on t.v., have my box of tissues and some hot tea beside me and let loose later. Holding all this stuff in is the pits! If you are into movies at all I strongly suggest "Love Story" or perhaps just watch the election coverage--that's pretty sad.

And the people here on this board help make me not feel so all alone.

Sounds to me like you need to work on make'n those 'new friends' we've talked about ... preferably, at your meet'ns ... go early and stay a bit afterwards, the friends will come into focus after a while ...

Seems like every meeting I go to I have something immediately after haha. I got another phone number today from someone a bit younger so that's good. There were two people my age and it turns out they were nursing students doing a paper and looked at me like I was a freak

sorbsauce wrote:

---

I called the number and they didnt answer. That was an hour ago. I just want someone to hang out with who wont want to go drinking. That is my big issue right now, no real friends that wont threaten sobriety.

---

A few more possible resources for you - Have you ever heard of ICYPAA? (pronounced "icky - paw"). It stands for the International Convention of Young People in Alcoholics Anonymous. It is a MASSIVE loosely-organized organization of young people in AA located all over the world. Info is HERE: http://www.icypaa.org/

And there are also a huge number of ICYPAA sub-groups for various geographic locations, which help organize events like camping trips, local AA conventions especially focused on young people, etc. I notice that Michigan has their own group, called MYCPAA (probably pronounced "mackie - paw" but you'll have to ask them about that). you can get info about them and contact them HERE:

http://mcypaa.org/

There are some really cool recordings on the site of some speakers from some of their recent events.

 

 

Thanks so much Dave! The "friends" i was referring to are the ones living in my hall. We are all under 21 so they arent going out drinking haha. I try to assume they just forgot about me but even that kind of hurts. I would for sure love to find a real friendship that is there and trusting but I seem to have an awfully hard time finding that. I will keep looking though haha. Also I will try that site that Dave posted above.

Hey, check you out, already sharing your experience to help the newcomer!

Sorry to hear about the meeting. Ugh, that sounds pretty lame. 

The search continues...  

sorbsauce wrote:

---

.... I cant believe it totally escaped my mind.. I do have some memory problems from concussions but really? how do I forget something like that?

---

 Oh yes, people like us are very prone to selectively forgetting the undesirable consequences of our drinking:

"We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago."

- from the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous', page 24.

I don't want to alarm you, but you might have - duhn duhn DUHHNN! - alcoholism. 

The good news is that you have already found the solution.

-- Edited by davep12and12 on Friday 15th of April 2016 10:54:41 PM

Went to the meeting on campus. Sat around for a while and finally someone came and told me it was canceled

Very true. YIKES! doesnt sound too fun.

Well, there's us here on this site, and the people you have already met in the meetings, and new people you can meet every time you go to another meeting. 

And if you really can't get in touch with anybody you can read some stuff from the AA Big Book.

(BTW - police 'losing' a shotgun?? yikes!).

 

Hey, glad to hear you got in touch with someone. Well done. 

I went to a great meeting this morning & spent some time afterward with sober friends just hanging out in a sidewalk cafe in town.

This weekend is our first awesome summer weather of the year. Tomorrow morning I'll be up early to get to my regular Sunday morning meeting & more of the same.

Thanks Dave. Same! It is weird. This time last week we had a foot of snow and now it is 72 degrees. Thanks pappy. It was a brand new Mossberg Wingmaster 870

Snow? Oh my! We had a very bit of a "flurry fest" here for a short while as well as a couple of below 30 degrees days. Then--spring again!

Sounds great to me ... 'bout 85 here in the South ...

This morning at my meeting we talked about how good the beer commercials are getting and now every time I see one my mouth waters haha. Dammit I just want to watch hockey

Lol the food commercials get me too. Good to know that the alcohol crave goes away. My dad just informed me that he won't help me move out of my dorm next week. I live 8.5 hours away. I have to sell or give away a lot of my stuff because he helped me move in. He said "when I was in college I could fit all my stuff in my trunk." I said "I'm not you." His reply was "Nope, you're not." He is one of if not the biggest reason why I drink or get angry. Everything traces back to him.

Some of the important things that we learn in AA involve the concepts found in the Serenity Prayer, and the idea of 'keeping my own side of the street clean'. 

This means that other people can sometimes indulge in all sorts of messed up, annoying, manipulative, button-pushing behaviors, and we cannot prevent them from doing this (that's the first line of the Sernity Prayer)

But we DO have a choice about OUR OWN behaviors, and how we react in those situations. And the goal is for me to get through those types of stressful and/or confrontational situations without doing or saying things that will make me feel like crap about the way I behaved. Because THAT is the stuff that is most likely to make me want to drink - my OWN low self esteem caused by MY OWN CHOICES about what I say or do and how I treat others. Even when those people are causing a problem for me. Maybe ESPECIALLY when they are causing a problem for me. (That's the second line of the Serenity Prayer). 

So I'm sure you can see that there are several options for what you could do about not being able to transport the bike (loan it to someone, get a bike rack for your car to transport it, sell it and give her the money, etc.) , and since it's your mom's bike, you could tell her the options and ask her preference. But the specifics about what happens to the bike are kinda beside the point here - whatever you do about the bike, the goal is to not go about doing it in a way that causes harm or hurt feelings to others or stirs up a bunch of unnecessary manipulative drama and makes you feel bad about your own words and deeds. We keep our own side of the street clean, so we don't run the risk of wanting to drink because of the way we feel about our own behavior. 

This kind of stuff is an example of how we practice the PRINCIPLES of AA in our daily life. A good sponsor can help us see how to apply these principles of sobriety as these kinds of situations present themselves. 

Yes, that does indeed sound like a pretty messed up situation. I'm sorry to hear about your mom, of course I didn't know that when I wrote the reply above. So the questions are - 

1. Can you actually do anything to make your dad change his behavior? Not frikken likely.

2. So then, what IS the goal here? Maybe to make sure you get through this without doing anything that will make you regret your words or actions later, just because you don't want to be that kind of person, cuz feeling like crap about yourself can make us want to drink? That gets my vote, but decide for yourself.

3. If so, could you get input from others who are working a program of recovery in AA to see how they have dealt with these kinds of situations, and maybe try what has worked for them? 

So a girl that I have seen at a few meetings, I thought was much older than me, turned out to be 18 years old and we had coffee and went to a meeting. I feel much better about the situation with my dad. She was really helpful and assured me that my dad is an asshole but there is nothing I can really do to change him. She too was amazed that I have stayed sober for so long without a court order or something of that sort. Believe me, I have had some intense cravings to the point where I am standing at my door ready to go out and find booze but was able to control myself enough to not leave and start reading the big book. She told me to just keep going to meetings and if there isnt one and I need someone, to just go down the list of names that they gave me and eventually someone will pick up.

I am at the point where I am well recognized at the ALANO club. I walk in and everyone welcomes me by name and it feels good to belong. I got another business card today and he actually said if I am in need of a sponsor to let him know because he would love to help me out. I think he has been sober for 12 years or so. He seems like a good guy. I'll be leaving in a week though so I will let him know I will call him in the fall when I return. I am going to miss those guys a lot.

When I get home I will have to try a bunch of meetings all over again.. Wont be fun. I have to do it though. You guys and I know it.

It was brought to my attention that newcomers might be too afraid to post and might just be reading this. Either way, I hope I am helping someone. Still only 13 days.. feels like eternity. I still get shaky and my anxiety is through the roof. I may seem to have my poop in a group on here but I assure you, I am still not doing super great. During the day I feel pretty happy and upbeat but at night when I am in bed in my dorm room alone (my roommate moved out due to my "Drinking Habits") I feel more lonely than ever. I am a 19 year old guy who has sat through his moms funeral and didnt cry, and I cry like a baby at night but once I stop, I thank God that I am still alive, and I think 10 years into the future I can see myself sober, and happy, and yes I still see myself going to AA meetings but I picture someone like myself walking in and me being able to help them reach sobriety. I never want anyone to go through something like this alone. I came to this site before I had the balls to go to a real AA meeting. Just go to a meeting, make friends and it'll make the world a difference.

Dont worry guys I am not going anywhere. I just wanted to get that out and also I want to thank all of you guys who have been helping me get through this hard time. Pappy, Dave, and leavetherest (I dont think I know your name yet. If I do I am sorry haha.) Thank you. You may have saved my life. :)

Ditto what David said, ... I suggest pray for guidance and simply 'do the next right thing' ...

Really liked your last post here, sorbsauce. Good stuff. A tip about the upcoming move, if I may - moving is very stressful. Family stuff is very stressful. When you get home you're going to need a meeting, and I encourage you to look up the info about meetings in your home town before you move. Don't wait until you get there to start looking for them. Always know where your next meeting will be, especially the first meetings after you move back home. 

Driving back to my dorm from class in a 2 min drive. I almost got hit 3 times.. I really need to work on keeping my cool. Now I have to go serve food to college students for 4 hours.. Someone might be getting served at high speeds.

Bleh. Sorry to hear about the crap day at work. Probably wasn't the most spiritual way to deal with it, but as one of my first sponsors told me - 'in early sobriety, there are going to be days when we just don't get any points for style, and we just don't frikkin drink and get to the next meeting'. Glad you're still sober & I hope tomorrow is better. I'm off to my Tuesday nite meeting in a few minutes.

I Sorbsauce,

I am late to this thread, but delighted to read you are on the road to recovery at 19. I was 22 when I recovered in AA. Back then, everyone looked old. Now, they all look young!

I was in a meeting a while ago that was full of people who got sober in their 20's and younger. There was over 100 years between them, so they had found a long term solution. Just because they are older today, something that happens to all of us, doesn't mean they don't know what its like to be young and getting sober. And the older ones have a lot more wisdom than the young ones, funnily enough.

My fist few weeks of sobriety I looked like the wild man of Borneo. Yet I was welcomed into these nice houses in nice suburbs for coffee after the meetings. I was surrounded by older people, Doctors, lawyers, etc, people I would not normally mix with (as they say in the book). They became my very dear friends and helped me a lot.

At the same time there was a continuing stream of young people going through the rooms who felt they were different and couldn't relate to the older ones. They didn't stay round long. Funny thing was I didn't relate to those young ones either. I had the same disease as the older ones, and they had the solution.

Please don't get hung up on age. Sure you can socialise with the older members. They are fine and make great company and can help you lots. But for the real social life, I went outside AA and made my friends there. It is important to remember that AA has only one purpose, to help the alcoholic recover. Once recovered we can go anywhere and do anything. We will have total freedom from alcohol. That has been my experience.

There are positives and negatives that go with a young age of recovery. When I read the big book I didn't relate much because it was mostly about people who had achieved things in their life and then lost it all. At least they had some idea what they were trying to get back. Whereas my life crashed on takeoff. I Never achieved anything, never experienced any kind of normal life. I had no idea what I was getting into.

On the positive, my ninth step was a lot shorter because I didn't have as much time to hurt people. And people generally are very encouraging to a young person trying to straighten out. They love to see a young person do well.

Recovering young is a huge advantage over all. And it was the older members that were the real help to me. The younger ones didn't know much more than I did.

New development I guess. Or I just haven't noticed. I get bursts of energy towards the evening and if I burn it off, I feel overwhelmingly depressed. I decided to bike to my 8pm meeting, about 3 miles. On my way home I took a detour to ride my bike along the lake shore of Lake Superior and in all it was about 10 miles but I ride hard. Well now I am back in my dorm room and just feel like crap. Physically shaky and exhausted from the ride, yeah good it was a good exercise, but now I feel brain dead, alone, physically tired but mentally wide awake. I had two people try talking to me on my way up to my room and I could barely think of the words to answer their questions. A friend of mine tapped me on the shoulder and said whats up? I tried telling her that I just went for a long bike ride and I just stumbled over words and finally said see ya. (I don't have an issue talking with girls or people in general) I am normally very outgoing. And I mean while sober too. No one has been texting back all day, any friends that I did have found different friend groups and I dont belong to one. I am heading back home next week and I dont think one single person at NMU will miss me or wonder how I am doing over the summer. One girl started a conversation with me today and it turned out she just wanted some money I owed her. Apparently she bought me a tshirt when I was drunk watching a sled dog race and I wanted a tshirt for it. I look through netflix to take my mind off things and it all just reminds me of friendships and relationships that I dont have or cant seem to hold onto. I tend to scare or push everyone away.

Hey man, ... when we abruptly stop drink'n, the first few weeks, maybe couple months, are a real 'roller-coaster' ride for our emotions ... big time ... it's when most people say 'I can't do this' and quit ... you need to keep say'n the 'Serenity Prayer' often, all day long ... it's about the only thing that kept me sober at the beginning ...

If this was easy, a lot more people would quit drink'n cause of all the problems it causes in life, especially relationships ...

Hang in there man, you're do'n great ... today is almost over and hopefully, your emotions will take a break and allow you to relax and just 'cool it' for a while ...



Love ya dude and God Bless,
Pappy

I think we all have similar habits, Riley, whether we recognize them or not. Anxiety disorders and defiance just happen to be two of my all time favorites. I guess it all relates back to my childhood and, of course, my overzealous father. It's where it all began.

When it comes to social interaction or partnering in with large groups of people, I genuinely have a hard time fitting in. I spent more time in limbo than anyone would care to admit.

I'm also an introvert in case you haven't noticed. I try to bury things deep down inside rather than discussing them openly. I also try to distance myself from certain individuals who remind me of my father. It's a habit that is just too hard to break.      

You can say whatever you want; call me timid, a recluse or even a social outcast, but it is not who I am. Some people even take their insults one step further. They use words like snobbish, narcissistic or even flashier sentiments that I try keep to myself, but in the end I will always be me, regardless.    

Yes, there is an awful truth behind our motivations, but the ends do not always justify the means. Fear is sometimes a strange motivator, but not when it feels more comfortable. I had a hard time living with fear, until my wife of 10 years gave me something to live for. She helped to reinforce what I already knew, that deep down inside I was just a scared little boy in a grown man's body and I was looking to break free. She helped me do just that, and it all started with a little thing called trust. Now, I have no excuse, whatsoever.

Let's be honest, sir: Our behaviors may be one of two things, common occurrences or some form of toxic phenomenon, who knows. But when we put them into a proper perspective and then try to balance them out with longer term objectives, like eternal relationships, we begin to shift our mindset away from those so called issues and then focus our remaining energies on what Bill W. referred to as "the next major development in AA, emotional sobriety". Trust me, I should know - just ask my wife.       

Remember: "Our family can either be the bane of our existence or the meaning behind our existence", but sometimes it's the only family we've got. You're now a part of this family, Riley, and we will support you anyway we can, guaranteed. Onward. 

-- Edited by Mr_David on Thursday 21st of April 2016 12:22:53 AM