I've been drinking most of my life and it's really has to stop. I drink to get drunk and I get drunk a lot more these days. Like everyday. I had a few days last week when I didn't. My wife knows I have a drinking problem but let's me have some anyway. The drinking has ruined my marriage and I'm finding it harder work these days. I've been laying in bed all day and I'm pretty shaky. Need some advice.
Yes I've tried before and had some success but I always go back to my old habits, which are getting out control because it's getting worse. I'll often drink a micky of vodka while I'm drinking beer with my wife, just secretly. She has found hidden bottles. I can't live like this anymore.
I started drinking (and using some other stuff too) when I was about thirteen. It was just lots of teenage fun for a few years, but then while my friends started to taper off and began drinking like normal responsible adults (driving sober, staying sober enough on Sundays that they had no problem getting to work on Monday, staying sober for important events, etc.) I just kept getting worse. There were huge chunks of my drinking history when I made no attempt to control or limit it at all, and there were other times, like when my drinking was really getting me into trouble with my job or my family, when I tried all sorts of ways to keep drinking but somehow control and enjoy my drinking like those other 'normal drinkers'. Those included ideas like limiting the number of drinks, deciding that I'm only going to spend $20 at the bar tonight, I'm only going to drink until 10 PM, or whatever. Some kind of "rule" I would try to put on my drinking for the evening. But then, when I would get a couple of drinks in me, something would happen - I would just tend to sort of "change my mind" about those rules and plans, and no matter what I had promised myself earlier in the day, the rules had now changed and I just kept drinking, and there was no telling what kind of horrible situation I would end up in before it ended.
Eventually, I got to the point where it was obvious that my attempts to control and enjoy my drinking like a normal drinker were always going to be doomed to failure. I had to admit the truth to myself that, for whatever reason, I was just the kind of person who would never be able to reliably, predictably, control and enjoy my drinking - I could either drink out of control and unpredictably, or I could stay completely sober, and there were really no other options for someone like me.
And then I had to admit that all of my attempts to deal with this problem using nothing but my own willpower and my own 'brilliant ideas' about how to handle this, had been a complete waste of time and a complete failure. I needed to get help from other people who had already solved this problem and who could show me how they did it, and I needed to just do what they did and stop trying to do this 'my way'.
And that is what I found in Alcoholics Anonymous. The people there may have been different from me in a lot of ways (their age, their background, etc.) but when it came to our struggles with alcohol, THESE were the people who KNEW what I was going through. They had all been there, and they had found a way to help each other stay sober and turn their lives around and really learn to ENJOY their lives without needing alcohol. It wasn't just gritting their teeth and 'white-knuckling it', these people really felt GOOD about their lives and their sobriety and they had something that I wanted. So I kept going to those meetings and started to learn about how AA works and how these people got sober and how they STAY sober a day at a time, and I started asking them for help, and they were more than happy to help me because that's what others had done for them when they were new in AA.
So what do you think? Would you be willing to get to some AA meetings? If so, give us some general info about where you are (the name of the nearest major city, etc.) and we may be able to help you find some meetings nearby. Give it a try. What do you have to lose?
Excellent. If you have any questions about meetings or AA in general, feel free to ask away.
When I was new in AA, what helped me was to get to the meeting a few minutes early - much more comfortable than walking in after everyone else was seated and the meeting had started. I found that getting there early and asking if they needed any help setting up chairs or whatever helped me feel more comfortable because I had something to do, and it was a good way to start talking to people and letting them know that I was new to AA and was looking for some help (otherwise people might just assume you've been sober for a long time and maybe they just haven't seen you before).
Then at the end of the meeting, it was helpful to resist the urge to immediately bolt out of the room, and instead stick around for a few minutes. I recommend asking someone after the meting about getting some AA literature, especially the "AA Big Book" and a local meeting directory. Ask some folks if they can recommend some other meetings that they like, and then when you go there you'll already be seeing some familiar faces.
Hey, good luck, and come on back here after the meeting and let us know how it went, okay?
Welcome to MIP StartNow. Glad you are here. We are close to the same age and I too drank most of my life. It was killing me and I had about reached the point I didn't care if it did because I didn't feel like I had anything to live for. I hope that you have decided you have had enough of the misery and are able to get to that meeting. Please post here and let us know how you are doing. We care and want you to stick around here on this earth for a long time.
Welcome to MIP StartNow, ... so glad you looked us up ...
Sounds like you already got some great advice ... Be sure to let the AA group you visit, know that you need a Big Book (Alcoholic Anonymous book) ... and start reading that as soon as you can ... 1st 164 pages especially ... because in those pages are the porgram of 'recovery' from alcoholism ... it tells you step by step how you can go about get'n away from our addiction ...
Welcome aboard, and good luck get'n to your first meet'n ... let us know how it went and what you thought of it ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Good Morning StartNow.....How are you???? It is beautiful here this a.m., after a rainy day yesterday. The birds are chirping and when I got out, I can see them gathering things for their nests. Pretty soon baby birds will be chirping as well.
May sound a little corny to some but I don't care. I don't remember ever paying attention to birds and what they were doing when I was drinking. I really can appreciate the simple things now. I hope you have a great day!
Thanks for asking.....I'm feeling quite lousy, physically and mentally. I know it will pass but it's one of those things you have to do.I can't believe how much I've slept. I keep falling asleep and it's a couple of days.
Depend'n on how heavy you been drink'n this past year or so, you may need, in fact it's highly recommended, some medical attention to ease off the D.T.'s ... if you're sleep'n a lot, then that's probably the alcohol still in your system ... cause when we 1st come off the stuff, sleep can be very hard to come by ...
IF you can just not take a drink, just for today, that's a start ... you know, it ain't gonna be easy, just get through today and if possible, go to a meet'n ...
You've probably fig'rd this out by now, but the next week or two, if you don't drink, you'll feel like shit and your mind will race between one thought and another ... alcohol will BEG you to come back ... remain strong and break those chains that bind you to the bottle ... AA meet'ns can help you get on the right path to RECOVERY ... do it now ... you'll not regret it ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thanks for the advice Pappy. I haven't had anything to drink in the last couple of days. I think the problem will be later, once I feel better. I was really strange though because I had a dream of having 2 ice-cold beers and I was quite happy about it and then I said "Wait a minute! You quit drinking" and I almost felt sad. Weird. Once I was awake it was pretty easy to realize why I've stopped.
What's been hard as well is I've gotten so much negative feedback from my family and friends about drinking and then my wife says to me "I miss having a beer with you" after I've stopped for a week or 2 and then grabs me one, then 2, then 3...... So I'll grab one for us except I'll pound one back while I'm there. And it's hard to be around someone (her) when it's just us at home and she has 4-5 beers. I sat and listened to her today and she said "I was hoping to be able to have 4-5 beers with you, get a little tipsy and be normal but I'm starting to see 1) my drinking isn't normal and 2) I don't thinks it's normal for her to have 4-5 beers every night and a few more than that on the weekend.
My thinking just isn't normal when I drink, which is too much. And man, I could really use a smoke right now but I actually really don't want one.
-- Edited by StartNow on Friday 8th of April 2016 12:43:11 PM
You sound a like me at the age of 55 Dave ... try'n to quit and dream'n 'bout it ... then I wound up in Rehab and couldn't even walk for three days ... I'm 63 now and haven't found it necessary to drink since ... Like you, I knew I needed to quit or I was go'n to die soon ... missed a lot of work, got fired or simply quit work several times ... my life had become UNMANAGEABLE ...
You DO have a problem if your wife doesn't try to quit with you ... especially if she brings you a beer to drink with her ... some how, some way, you need to impress upon her that you wish her to stop that AND to not drink in front of you ... better yet, get her to start go'n to meet'ns with you ... sounds like both of you have a strong addiction to alcohol ... PLUS, you guys would save a TON of MONEY ... plus much better health ... and you'd develop a much better attitude for life itself ...
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
you were saying how you think the problem will be later, once you feel better. That can be so true. Whenever our problems start really getting to us, whether it be alcohol, or drugs, or whatever, we want to quit. We feel so shitty, and miserable, depressed, and just plain old down and out, we feel we can't take it anymore, we feel like if we don't do something about it, the end might be near.
So, we quit. For a while. Then, we start to feel better, and we totally forget how lousy we were feeling. So, we start drinking again. And every time you stop for a period of time, and then start again, it gets worse. Every time. But, once we start feeling better, give our bodies and brain a few days or weeks to heal up, we forget. We forget how bad it was.
It's a bad cycle.
You can't quit using willpower. It only works for a little while, and then, one day, when you're weak, you won't have enough willpower to not drink, and you'll give in. And, even if willpower DID work, do you really want to live like that? Fighting an urge every day? That is no way to live. You'll get miserable, turn into an asshole, you won't be happy, and you'll eventually say, like so many others have "if this is what life is like sober, then I'd rather just be a drunk"
you have to lose the desire for alcohol, StartNow. If you have no desire for it, then there is no battle. Think of it like this: if I put a cup of bleach in front of you, would it be hard for you not to drink it? No, it wouldn't be hard, because you have no desire for it. Well, alcohol is just like bleach. It's poison. The only difference is, you're used to drinking it. When you see alcohol for what it really is, poison, (just like bleach), you won't have any desire to drink it. Once you've lost the desire, there is no more battle.
AA can help you lose the desire. Try it. Sure can't hurt anything.
LOL, Baba! You're still a young-un!
Yesterday, while out with my guy friend close to my age he remarked that since he has been sober he has felt 22 years old. (I will refrain from saying anything about that...LOL) Anyway, I told him that until I relapsed not long ago, I felt probably in my 30's. Then after I got sober this past time something strange has been happening and it finally "hit me" --I am middle-aged, I'm not "young" anymore. Very strange and weird.I actually am feeling my age! I cannot believe I have "caught up" this fast, however, I do not feel in my 30's anymore, nor in my 40's. I know all about what alcohol does to our mental state and mentally we get stuck at the age we started drinking. (Or something like that--guess I really don't know "all" about it--ha!)
Anyway, I used to think that people my age were so oldddd and now I am trying to EMBRACE MY AGE!!!!! It is better being sober and alive and middle aged than dying drunk at a younger age, which I could have done.
Hope we all age gracefully LTR, ... ... ... and the only way to do that is SOBER ...
Baba, ... the tags issued out on this board are a built in thingy, deep in the programming I suspect ... I have no access to that kind of stuff, it's just there ... I suspect there's some kind of 'counter' on the postings and when certain numbers are hit, it changes your status automatically ... as in you been here a while kinda thing ... ??? ... (time related to be'n a part of this board, ya know?) ...
(under my name it should have ... 'Older than Dirt' ...) HeeHee ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I just noticed I have "Senior Member" under my name.....EEEEEKKKKKKK!!!!!! I was just kidding you guys....I don't embrace aging that well. please, Pappy, remove it, pretty please?????
Oh wait........Baba, I just noticed something else.....we may have "Senior Members" under our name but Pappy's has "Old" under his......Whew! I feel better. Never mind Pappy dear.
(and yes, I have been around long enough to know what "Old Timer" means...just having fun with ya!)
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!! Oh dear, you poor thing! Glad it's you and not me, though. The landlord doesn't allow dogs here. I get kind of sad about it as I used to have three dogs and I love dogs.
But, when I read your words above, I felt a small tinge of gratitude that he has that rule. Now come out from that blanket you're hiding under and stop feeding Rose leftovers....LOL...just kidding....but that used to happen alot when I fed my dogs my cooking...actually, it happened to all of us when we ate my cooking...ha!
That's funny ... now ... (after the room has cleared for a while, LOL ...) ... yeah, I DO feed her left overs and this is how she pays me back ... she's usually not too bad, but man, when they're bad, they're REAL bad ,,,
Okay, in all honesty, ... I am bad about let'n her 'have it' while we lay on the couch ... so I guess this is her 'pay-back' ... LOL ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thank you for writing that very accurate note. It really spoke to me and I plan to print it out on a card to keep with me and refer to it often. I totally agree.
I've managed to keep myself on an even keel and not have anything to drink since my first post here on this topic and pan to check out some meetings this week.
I really appreciate everyone's support and advice. Thank you!
That's great to hear, buddy. It's hard at first. For me, I was confused and unsure in the beginning. Part of me kept questioning my decision to quit. That's the alcohol talking...not wanting to be kicked out of your life. But every time I would question my decision, the other part of me said "Baba, you've have enough, you can't take this anymore". Start Now, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Im 49, and been drinking since I was 14. I was a big party animal kind of guy, always going to bars and clubs, but I would drink at home alone, too. All the time. I can tell you, the first year after I quit was a very trying time for me. I did a lot of self-introspection. It wasn't always easy. But, doing a lot of reading, and talking to a lot of sober people, I learned that you dont just quit drinking, and after a month or so you magically feel way better. It took me over a year before my head really cleared up. I'm almost 2 years off the drink now, and Im really starting to feel "normal" again.
Going to meetings is a great thing, StartNow. You learn a lot about alcoholism. But, the thing that really helped me, was being around other people who had/have the same problem as me. I didn't feel so all alone. I didn't feel so out of place in this world. And, in your first year of quitting, you're gonna have a lot of emotional ups and downs. Keeping company with people going through the same thing really helps.
as far as questioning my decision to quit, I can say that I do have 1 regret: that I didn't do it years ago. Life really is way better when you're off the drink. I never in a million years thought I would ever say that. But I tell you, StartNow, it really is.
My mother quit smoking cigs 15 years ago. And I'll never forget 1 thing she said to me, and I applied it to my quitting drinking. I asked her "Ma, so, was it really hard to quit?" And she said "Baba, it's only as hard as you make it". It sounds so simple, but it's so true. 90 percent of our problems are all in our minds. If you over-think things, and let them overwhelm you, you're just making it harder on yourself.
I hope you stick with this, StartNow. If you do, you won't regret it. I can promise you that.
Baba's post shows a lot of wisdom ... all we wish to do here is help guide you through you first steps in sobriety ... here, we learn to be strong and say 'no' to the drink ... and as time proceeds, it get easier ... it ain't without some difficulties, but with like minded people it IS easier ... so I pray you're successful in get'n to a meet'n ... and start your journey in sobriety off on the right foot'n ...
Thanks for the insight and feedback Baba Louie. I appreciate what your saying and it helps to hear your experience the first year. Well done on your success to-date! I have a huge amount of stress in my life right now, which I accept was brought on myself in many ways. I can only accept and resolve my part and leave the other stuff to the other people. That's their deal. In spite of all the stress, I'm not considering drinking nor do I have the urge because I know that will only magnify and amplify the problems. I drank a lot of the time because I felt very lonely, even though I was surrounded by friends and family. And while it provided a temporary relief it really made things WAY worse because I would continue to drink more....and more...and....because more is better right? I also realize that I would wake up in the morning, still semi-impaired from the night before, and my focus was to keep the buzz going to the next level. Totally dysfunctional and quite insane.
I also realize I have some deep rooted issues to address and I'll being seeking a professional to get help for those. I have a referral from my doctor. Do I expect that to be a magic bullet to solve my drinking? No. I'll still attend meetings. I'm going into the meetings with an open mind and no pre-conceptions. Today was a good day, focus on nutrition and got back to workouts. Evening was totally stressful dealing with a impending separation and my wife felt compelled to talk through issues (if you could call it that while she had 4 beers). As stressful as it was it never occurred to me to grab a beer or a drink, so that's progress because previously I would be drinking right now with no end in sight. It was almost a mindset of "Ya, I'll show you". But I agree so totally with what you shared with me previously that I feel I'm looking the other direction and not towards medicating myself. If I'm going to medicate myself it needs to be with healing, not numbing myself with what amounts to poison, A bad prescription, if that makes sense.
Pappy, I totally agree and really like the Simple Reminder you added. Thank you.
Thanks for your support everyone. It makes all the difference.
You're start'n to sound more logical in your thoughts StartNow, ... Sorry for the 'separation' but it may turn out to be for the best ... go to meet'ns and keep an open mind ... ask if others have gone through what you're experiencing and if they have advice ... (these type conversations are usually discussed after the meet'ns ...) ... (so stick around if you can) ...
It'd be great if you found a sponsor in your group to confide in ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I don't want to overwhelm you with a lot of advice and ballyhoo and cliches' and diatribe. In AA, you will often hear "keep it simple". Just like that thing from Simplereminders.com that Pappy sent you. It's so very true. The more you think things, the harder you'll come down on yourself, and if you get overwhelmed, it's a trigger to drink.
I do want to tell you this, though: if you stick it out, your life will be so much better. It may be hard to see now, it was in the beginning for me, too, but you won't believe the change for the better you'll go through after you've been off the drink for a while and your head clears up.
Be patient, keep it simple, start going to meetings. And, remember this: as we also say about meetings, "take what you want, and leave the rest behind". If you hear something you dont like, or disagree with, or somebody strikes you the wrong way, leave it behind, and keep the positive stuff.
There are mostly great people at the meetings. There's also some not so great people at meetings. Just like everywhere in society.
One more thing: everybody is nervous the first time going to a meeting. I was, and everybody was. But you have to remember something: these people go to these meetings to help each other. Many of them will be right where you are in your quest to kick this shit. And EVERY ONE OF THEM (meaning the ones who have been sober for a long time) have been where yer at.
Well, I plan to hit my first meeting tomorrow. I'm into week 2 of sobriety so I have a week under my belt and I'm feeling a lot better physically and mentally. No desire to drink..quite the opposite actually in that I'm repelled by the stuff. I'm on day 3 of my work outs and I had forgotten how much better I feel, even at the beginning phases of getting back into it. Each day I focus on nutrition, with a heavy emphasis on replenishing the vitamins that I've stripped from my body through all of this abuse. I did find that during the first week, I was craving sugar and consumed plenty of it, with the fruit drinks and some chocolate or ice cream. That was kind of weird. That has passed and I'm eating really healthy so it feels good to take care of myself in a positive way.
Just thought I would let you guys know where I am and that things are moving forward in a positive way. I'll let you know my thoughts on the meeting. As I said, I'm going in with an open mind and if the first one doesn't seem like a good fit I'll try others as there are LOT's in my area to pick from, which in itself kind of makes me wonder why so many people in my suburban area have drinking problems, and not just my social circle.
Thanks for listening and all of your support everyone.
Start(ed)Now :)
-- Edited by StartNow on Wednesday 13th of April 2016 10:49:14 AM
Hey, great to hear this. And yes please let us know how the meeting went. And if you have any questions about AA or anything about the meeting, ask away. We're happy to help.
I'm really struggling with this. My wife has been drinking more and it has spilled back into my life. I've been so sick today after bingeing this week. I need help. I don't feel like I can get out of bed.
No. I've just reached out to the local AA group and someone is calling me back about the meetings.
What's been happening........My wife was drinking on the weekend, started Friday, asked me to drink with her and I did. She went away on Monday for business and I've been basically on a binge since. Well, I didn't drink today or have the capacity to do it. There was some vodka left, half a small bottle and I poured it down the sink.
I have reached out to the alcohol and drug program here and they don't provide any immediate help. It takes 2 weeks just to speak to someone and months (July) before they will get you into any type of program..
I barely have the capacity to get out bed. Can I attend the meetings listed as "closed"?
Yes, absolutely. A meeting that is listed as "closed" just means that it is for people who have a desire to stop drinking. That's it. It just means that those meetings are not open to members of the general public who do not have a drinking problem, like someone who is just attending to support a friend or someone writing a psych paper on alcoholism or whatever.
Since you have a desire to stop drinking, you are welcome to attend any meeting,' open' or 'closed' (although since you're a guy it would be best not to go to a meeting that is listed as a women's meeting, etc.).
Feel free to ask whatever you want to ask, and if you want some help finding a meeting, we can probably help with that too.
-- Edited by davep12and12 on Friday 22nd of April 2016 01:57:56 PM
Thanks DaveS, ... for remind'n me what it was like before I got help ... so many horrible memories ...
With all the power you can muster up, go to a meet'n ... listen intently ... and ask someone there for a 'Big Book'(the Alcoholics Anonymous book) ... take it home and start read'n it ... start with 'The Doctor's Opinion' in the front and then read through to page 164 at least ... let us know what you think ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
My wife got home today and I told her I've quit drinking and I need her be supportive and not encourage me to drink with her and I'm getting help with quitting. She was supportive however trying to explain to her why the drinking isn't a simple "Just quit" or any other of the reason's I was being peppered with. If it made sense I would have solved a long time ago.
Thanks for the support. I'm reading the Big Book now.
My sponsor told me to start reading the BB again.....I haven't picked it up in so long I have to find it. I may get another one which doesn't have underlines/marginal notations from working with others. Fresh BB/fresh start as I think jad said.
I hope that you continue to post. I love to read postings by newcomers, as I feel like I am a newcomer again, too and we can help one another.
I reading a lot about quitting and the physical effects because I'm on day 3 and it's been a bit of a rough ride. I didn't drink Thursday but that was painful. I feel really despondent and withdrawn and irritable as all hell when my wife tries to talk. I don't want to talk, just be alone. My sleep has been pretty screwed up and I woke sweating like crazy and then I fall asleep for an hour wake up, fall asleep.....I need to make sure I eat today as I haven't had much the last couple of days. And I feel depressed. I think I'm going through a major withdrawal here obviously. I never want to feel like this or go through this again.
I'm getting through the BB. Trying to stay focused.
My wife is getting pissed because I just want to lay around right now so I'm getting the guilt trip\ PO'd control attitude. Funny it happened just now because I'm going through an exercise about trigger's and drinking and I realized that's a big one.
I know what you are going through. I had some sober time and didn't stick with the program and ended up drinking again. So I have had all the physical and mental crapola which I went through almost 3 years ago when I got into recovery. The craziness returned and I am on day 3 today myself and just hoping I can get through it without picking up again. I too don't have much of an appetite and thinking I really need to force myself to eat because in AA they say that we have to watch being Hunger, Angry, Lonely and Tired (HALT) which being any one of those things can make us drink again. Well, I am by myself all day today so I have the "Lonely". I imagine you are feeling pretty lonely with you and your wife not getting along the way you would like. Perhaps discussing with her that it is normal for you to be experiencing withdrawal symptoms and needed extra rest for awhile will help make her understand. You said you were irritable--which is anger...that is normal in recovery. I even got that way when I quit smoking a while back. And you said you haven't eaten much in the last couple of days, so there is the hunger. And the tired--you said you are.
So you are experiencing all of the things which can increase the chances of you drinking. I walked around carrying anger, loneliness and tired with me for months and months. Although I stayed sober for a good while, I ended up drinking again. I just started a To Do List and have things which are important to me as well as manageable and I have them categorized--"AA/Sobriety"; "Personal"; "Work/Financial"; Well-Being/Spiritual" and "Self-Improvement" to try and help me stay focused and so that I don't spend today worried, fearful, angry, lonely and scared to death that I am going to cave into all my fears and worry and drink again.
I cannot tell anyone how to stay sober......I can tell you how to get drunk. I got drunk again by not doing everything I could do to protect myself from myself. I felt better about myself than I had ever felt in my life after I got into AA and worked the program. Now I feel worse about myself than I probably have ever felt in my life and it is all because I CHOSE TO DRINK AGAIN over some really stupid shit! My priorities are hopefully changing/changed. Too early to tell and I do not trust myself. My daughter who hasn't spoken or had anything to do with me in years will no doubt ever speak to me again. The depression I am feeling has been so overwhelming at times that I have actually thought about ending my life. Now, I have some hope that I got back into AA and have another chance to be happy and live the life I should be living. And I hope that you will choose to stay sober too so that you can live the life you are meant to live and we can be here for one another and help one another fight this damned disease!
Thank you for the response leavetherest. I've felt so lousy physically I realized I haven't had a cigarette since Thursday night so no doubt that's contributing to it. It's kind of strange because I feel like I've lost track of what day it is because of the interrupted sleep and not wanting to move physically. Just watch some mindless television and research on my computer. I did just get up and take a bunch on vitamins and have a small plate of food, which is going down a little slowly. I'm crazing some orange juice so I'll venture to the store and come back and chill.
I guess the positive in this whole thing, if there is one, is I don't want to smoke either. The thought makes me want to gag.
Hang in there Dave, ... if you're not go'n to see a Doctor, then drink a lot of juice and take a lot of Vitamin B12 ... the 1st few days are typically just as you described what your go'n through now ... right about now your sleep will be spotty at best ... (took me about a month and 1/2 to get back to normal sleep ...) ... it depends on how heavy and how long you drank ... Don't smoke if you can get by without it ... (I'm a week without a cigarette ... and I'm damn near 'bat-shit' crazy, LOL ...) ... (side-effects not near as bad as come'n off the booze like you're go'n through ...) ...
You'll probably have a few more real shitty days ... then you'll wake up and say HEY, I feel pretty dog-gone good today ... JUST DON'T THINK YOU CAN HAVE A BEER AND THINK, THIS TIME I CAN CONTROL IT ... we lose more people that way ... AND, they usually don't live very much longer ...
We're here for you ... just think, you CAN make it one day without a drink ... if we get another day, just don't drink for the day ...
Hey, we'll love ya til you learn to love yourself again, God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I'm pulling for you StartNow! I'm closing in in 7 months sober now and while it does get easier, it didn't get much easier until I started working with a sponsor and working through the steps. I'm actively working on my step 4 inventory, but I spend time in reflection every day reminding myself about steps 1-3. I can still relate back to the insanity that was my life and the horror and disgust I felt during my last hangover. But, turning my life over to God as I understand Him, has helped me not have to dwell on the helplessness and insanity I used to feel. Working on the steps with my sponsor is giving me a chance to learn how to live sober, not just not drink.
You can get there. It just may take some time. So take it one day at a time.
I hope we hear from you about how you are doing, StartNow. You and sorbsauce helped me yesterday take my mind off of myself for awhile yesterday and I made it through another day. My eyes are clearer today and so is my head. And I feel better, too. You will too. Good going on the giving up cigs....
signed...
ms. "puff-away"
Thank you for the support. Very much appreciated. I'm feeling better and haven't had anything to drink nor do I plan on it. I'm going to get out to a meeting and give it a try.
Very glad to hear this. Looking back at my own efforts to get sober and stay sober, there was absolutely no way that I could have been successful at this task if I had kept trying to do it all on my own, just based on personal willpower and my 'best guess' about how to do this, and without all of the help I got from all of the people in AA who shared their own experience with me. Getting involved in AA was what made long term sobriety possible for me. Before that, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't know the first thing about alcoholism or how to recover from it. I THOUGHT I did, but I was clueless about all of this before I found AA.
Thanks Dave12 and Pappy. Your support means a lot and gives me a lot of inspiration to keep moving forward. I watched a really interesting documentary on National Geographic channel yesterday called "The Story of God with Morgan Freeman". It's funny how these things come into your life when you need them because it reminded of the AA philosophy of "God as we understood Him". I've always had a narrow-minded perception of God because of religious dogma and I realized that everyone has their own perception of God, regardless of their belief system. Watch it if you get a chance. That was one of the things that made me a little uncomfortable about AA (my own self-limiting belief) yet now I'm much more open-minded about it.
I'm not suggesting I'll solve this without AA. I need to lean on all the resources I can get so I'll definitely participate.
-- Edited by StartNow on Monday 25th of April 2016 04:45:33 PM
Yeah, I've been watching that series. Interesting stuff! And for what it's worth, I'm one of the huge number of people who came to AA with no particular spiritual beliefs and no particular interest in attaining them, and with some major resentments against a lot of organized religions. And after all these years, I still don't have much of an idea about 'what God is' or anything like that, but I have found that I didn't need to figure out all of that stuff or join any religion or whatever in order to be able to practice AA's program of recovery that is found in the 12 steps.
So I encourage you to get to your first meeting asap, like today, and be sure to come on back and tell us how it went. f you have any questions about what you heard there, feel free to ask.
So glad to "see" you again StartNow.
I love Morgan Freeman...I will have to look for that documentary. I passed it over for one of those Lifetime for Women movies. Need to watch what I watch.
Today marks 1 week of no drinking. I've got an appointment with a counsellor at the addiction centre near my place on Monday. I plan on going to a meeting prior to that this weekend. Eating healthy and feeling normal physically, at least a lot better although my sleep habits are still screwed.
Just thought I would check in so no one thought I was run over by the beer truck, or more appropriately, hi-jacked it and consumed the beer truck.
I'm glad to hear that you have an appointment with a counselor. But I can't help noticing that you have been talking about going to your first AA meeting 'tomorrow' or 'soon' for three weeks now. I do realize that this whole idea about going to AA can be uncomfortable, but there is nothing to be gained by waiting. in fact, waiting can sometimes have disastrous results. Why not just get yourself to a meeting now, like today? If you want any assistance finding a meeting, or if you have any questions about what to expect, we're here to help. But we can't do it for you. It's up to you.
Like Dave, I was just reading through this thread and noticed you repeatedly keep saying you'll get to a meeting. Go now, today. Yeah, it can suck the first time you go, I was terrified! But I quickly found out they were all just drunks like me, and very welcoming. Quit making excuses. You don't see the counsellor for 4 days, you can get to 4 or 5 meetings in that time. AA is what's going to be there for you in the long run.
-- Edited by chris on Thursday 28th of April 2016 01:22:24 PM
Today marks 1 week of no drinking. I've got an appointment with a counsellor at the addiction centre near my place on Monday. I plan on going to a meeting prior to that this weekend. Eating healthy and feeling normal physically, at least a lot better although my sleep habits are still screwed.
Just thought I would check in so no one thought I was run over by the beer truck, or more appropriately, hi-jacked it and consumed the beer truck.
All the best and thanks for your support!
Hey man, ... soooo glad you checked in, I was a little concerned for ya ... it's really a good idea to have a few days sober before you go to a meet'n, so now is as good a time as any ... you'll get more out of it too ...
When you go, try to get there a few minutes early and simply say you're new to all this and only give your first name when asked ... you do not have to share anything if'n you don't feel like it ... so just sit and listen ... get a feel for the 'flow' of the meet'n and you'll 'feel at home' in no time ...
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I agree. No excuses. When I started the thread I had a week then decided to go on a tear and binged for a week and half. I really took me the better part of a week, once I re-conected to recover. I agree though. Waiting is a dangerous game.
So great to "see" you come on here and post, StartNow! It is great that you are still trying. That is the main thing--DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!
I feel kind of like a little baby learning to walk that keeps falling down. Hopefully, I will "learn to walk" on my own--without any crutches--any "walls". You will too. We both have to just remember to get up and try again.
Well, I'm still holding strong. I feel really good right now and it's been almost 2 weeks since I drank. I'm making a lot of positive changes in my life and I feel no desire to drink at all. Quite the opposite actually. The idea of drinking really turns me off. I had my first addiction counselling session yesterday and that went very well. I'll be going once a week for the next little while on an individual basis as well as involvement with a group program, which takes place every Friday. I'll be hitting my first AA group meeting today or tomorrow, depending how my work schedule pan's out, and I'm quite looking forward to that now. I've been very apprehensive about it however I know I just have to bite the bullet and show up and listen. Wish me luck. Life is good not drinking. Much more simple. I'm in a big trigger situation for me as the family is away and I'm alone in the house. Normally I'd be pied right now! Not today. I think today would be a good day to check out the meeting.
Just thought I would check in.....I've been attending one-on-one counselling with an addiction counsellor once a week. It's akin to having a professional sponsor. I have her # and she's available 24/7 to help through anything that's going on, whether it's a crisis or I need to chat. What I originally thought was going to be a July start took place a week after I called and it's been very helpful. They have a weekly meeting close to my house where we share what's going on as a group and then move into a learning structure with a set of weekly discussions and strategies for dealing with addictions. I'm reading the Big Book, which I find very helpful. I'll get to AA eventually but I find reading the posts and support here in addition to what I'm doing to be enough to absorb at the moment.
I haven't had anything to drink and really enjoyed last week. Normally being alone at home for a week is a hall pass to oblivion. I enjoyed the solitude and got A LOT of sleep. Sleep habits are really good now and it came back with a vengeance when I was alone because I was asleep by 9:30-10pm every night and slept right through until the early AM. My nutrition is on-track and seems to be making a big difference. I feel like I'm giving back to myself and taking care of what's important for my life. I've certainly had my stressful moments but they aren't triggers, as they were in the past. More like strong indicators to things I need to resolve.
Aloha Start Now and good for you with the "Program works". "I've certainly had my stressful moments but they aren't triggers," that statement made me smile from my memories of recovery with my sponsor who took away excuses to drink, with "There is no excuse to drink...none". He was right and it seems you also know it. Thanks for the share.
You may be experiencing what we sometimes call the 'pink cloud' effect ... where we're sober enough, and things are go'n well enough, that we 'feel' we have this thing fig'red out ... and we do not 'plan' to screw things up ... Well, i'll keep you in my prayers and hope that you DO make time for getting involved with AA ... in my opinion, that would only help your chances of a more permanent sober future ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Yes, I remember very clearly when I was newly sober and felt really good, and told someone "I feel great and I have no desire to drink!" And they asked me - "so what happens the next time you DON'T feel great and you DO have a desire to drink?". They were concerned that I was only doing enough to stay sober when things were going well. And they were right. Because I drank again. After some very painful false starts and learning things the hard way, I finally got thoroughly involved in AA and that's when things really changed, and I gained the ability to stay sober 'no matter what'. I got sober and learned to STAY sober, a day at a time.
Startnow, I'm very glad to hear you're doing well, and of course whatever works for you is great. I just hope you're doing everything you need to do to stay sober. Feel free to learn from the mistakes of others so you don't have to repeat them.
Thank you for bringing up some excellent points. Yes, I do feel really good about not drinking. Actually, it's more a sense of relief more than "feeling good". My life is certainly not without it's stressful challenges. I'm going through a separation and the first thing that happened upon my wife's return from holidays on late Thursday night was to start making a lot of false accusations and picking a fight 5 mins after I woke up on Friday morning. I went from being really relaxed to feeling my chest tighten with anxiety. Did it occur to me to drink? Of course it did however I also know that's the WORST thing I could do at this point. I need a clear head to deal with this episode in my life. Sunday afternoon? Same thing. stress city. I can only deal with things 1 day at a time, and in these cases, 1 hour at a time because I don't know what's around the next corner. I know what's going to happen if I do because I've travelled that road many times. While my life has it moments, I'm grateful to face it with a clear head.
That's a good attitude SN ... NEVER GIVE UP ... on your 'sobriety' ... it's really 'ALL' we have ... cause if we lose it, we're as good as dead, literally ... if we drink, we become useless, and as 'useless things' go, they die or rot away or get thrown away ... ... ...
I've seen good people get discarded from families like they were throwing out the trash ... left with zero love and support, they didn't live very much longer ... it happens more often than not ... BUT, it doesn't have to be that way ... we CAN change ...
Love ya man and God Bless,
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It gets a little easier every day. Eventually, you will lose the desire for alcohol, and the only regret you'll have is that you didn't quit years ago.
Look, even when you lose the desire, there's gonna be moments that you think "man, a nice cold beer would be nice." or "a glass of wine or a stiff one would do the trick right now". But, thats all it is, it's a trick. A trick of the alcohol monster wanting to come back. But all you have to do is use your tools and everything you've learned, and the urge will pass quickly. An hour later, you'll say to yourself "I'm glad I didn't take that drink".
I'm almost 2 years sober now, and I'd say that maybe a couple of times a week, for a moment, I get a thought of having a drink. But it's usually if I'm working hard outside, hot and thirsty, and maybe I'm feeling frustrated or a little overwhelmed by my work. An ice cold glass of iced tea makes me forget about having alcohol, and I'm good to go.
A lot more good to go than if I had taken a drink.
Yeah, I make several pots of 'iced Tea' every week ... then put it in the frig (I add fresh squeezed lemon, ummmm ...) ... on these Spring days where it's apt to get hot in the afternoon, I either drink some iced Tea or Gatorade (OR, since I now put Pepsi, Cokes, Yoo-Hoo, Snapple, Gatorade, etc., in my Extra Frig out in the garage INSTEAD OF 'beer', LOL ... ) ... this stuff is way more 'refreshing' than alcohol too ...
You know, I just realized I don't have nearly as many 'accidents' while working around the house now as I used to ... LOL, be'n sober DOES have its advantages ... AND, it way cheaper to live without the booze ... fewer medical bills 'n all ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
yeah Paps, talkin about fewer accidents, you're 100% right. I work with high speed grinders and torches and all sorts of dangerous stuff. I had a lot of "mishaps" when I was a drunk. I used to drink beer at 1 o'clock in the morning, outside in the dark, drunk, using all these tools, and didn't think twice about it. Safety glasses? My only safety glass held bourbon and coke.
Its a wonder I never cut my arm off, or my hand, or something else serious, like getting electrocuted welding, or trying to weld somebody's leaky fuel tank...BOOM!..I got lucky. But eventually, my luck was gonna run out, and I was gonna get hurt really bad.
... had a drink'n buddy that nearly cut-off his hand reach'n across a 'chop-saw' (mitre saw) to pick-up his cut piece of wood, ... he had 'jimmied' the safety cover in the 'open' position ... it cut all the 'tendons' across the top of his hand ... (after surgery, he had what looked like 'knitting' needles come'n out of his 4 fingers to hold them in place for 2 months ... ouwwwwww, it was hard to look at without cringing ...) ...
and I've wound up in the hospital 3 times that I can remember before I decided I couldn't 'do this' anymore, LOL ... I really am truly 'grateful' to be in one piece after all the B.S. I pulled ... (I'll spare you the 'details' unless you want something to make you cringe, LOL ...)
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thanks for the feedback back Baba Louie. I agree 100% and great advice. I've noticed when I get thirsty on a hot day my mind wanders to the idea of having a cold beer. As Pappy said and I agree, my strategy is grab an iced tea and drink that. If that doesn't do it have another. It's funny because the reality is I was just thirsty but previous mental conditioning suggests I have a beer. There goes that sneaky Addictive Voice. Funny thing is the idea of having a beer really grosses me out. Even better, knowing the effect having a beer will have on me pushes me away from going near it. I have a real fear of heights. Like prettified and when I get near a cliff or the glass floor in the CN Tower it's like a magnetic force pushing me away from getting near it. I'm using that experience and blue-printing my brain to treat alcohol the same way. "No touchy the drink!" Lol. My wife is very supportive of me not drinking and she's fine with having a beer(s) on her own. And when she gets annoying I tell her "Stop, and if you don't leave me the f@%k alone". I'm tracking my progress of sobriety and I'm on day 22. Short progress but progress just the same. Nutrition is going very well and I'm liking taking care of myself.
Thanks for your feedback guys. It really is invaluable and deeply appreciated. I'll be drawing on your experience. I have a high school reunion tonight and it should be a bit of a shit show by 11:30pm-12am. I'm looking forward to NOT drinking. I'm prepping myself mentally with how I will respond when asked the inevitable question "Why aren't you drinking? Have a drink!" I find being well-prepped with a plan and practising in my mind ahead of time allows me to relax into my response and takes the shock out of the dialogue and doesn't put me on my back foot where I would previously say "Ya, okay....what the hell". Screw that and a BIG single soldier salute to the Addictive Voice. I ENJOY my sobriety and I'm not going to let anyone take away this gift.
All the best,
SN
-- Edited by StartNow on Friday 13th of May 2016 07:38:59 AM
Good luck at the reunion tonight. I think you'd be surprised at how little other people care if you drink. If things start to get out of hand later in the night, you need to leave. These are the kinds of things that you learn in AA, especially at beginners meetings where many times they use the book Living Sober. It's an invaluable tool for early sobriety. I've been sober for over 9 years now, and I can tell you there is no way I would have gone to a class reunion with 22 days of sobriety. Best.
Thanks for the thoughts Chris. Much appreciated. I'll check out the book. I had a great time at the reunion. Caught up with a lot of old friends. My how we change as we age! Lol! I enjoyed the my club soda and, yes, many friends got pretty plowed. No one cared, or even asked, why I wasn't drinking. My wife was quite wobbly, not too impressed. Not very attractive seeing an attractive woman drunk. I did't feel any pressure or anxiety not drinking. Quite the opposite actually. I was glad I wasn't because I remember everything and I find I'm much more social, in a positive way, not drinking.
Great work on 9 years sober! I aspire to reach that goal.....enjoying one day at a time!
Glad you had a nice time at your reunion and didn't drink. It must be rough being around your wife when she's drunk. I've found the more sober time I get, the less tolerance I have being around drunk people. I got lucky in that my husband, who drank, but not like me, decided to stop drinking about a year after I did. For no reason. He's not an alcoholic. To me this makes no sense, why would you quit drinking if you didn't have to??? He just doesn't care one way or the other about it. Sorry if I can seem short sometimes when I post, but I've seen so many of my good AA friends go out on the program and die.
No apology necessary. I appreciate where you're coming from. I've lost some friends to excess alcohol abuse as well. 1 each summer for the last 2 years. All due to drinking themselves to death. I think, physically and mentally, we only have so many recoveries and it gets more dicey as we age.
Yes, it puts me off a bit when my wife gets as plastered as she did the other night. It was pretty bad. It's annoying to be given shit for doing the same then seeing the person doing the talking behave in the same way and state. Not resentful, it just seems hypocritical. Anyway, it's something she has to come to terms with. I can only manage myself. I went back for the second night of the reunion and it was much the same. 90/10, drunk vs sober. Happy to count myself in the 10%. In spite of the personal challenges (peding separation from the wife) I'm not drinking and I'm keeping it that way.
Thanks for the post ... sounds like your wife hasn't learned that drink'n over a problem simply makes a 'bad situation' worse ... drink'n will never solve any problem ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Well, in spite of ALL of the marital strife and regular day to day life challenges I'm holding my own, maintaining a balanced state of of mind (not getting hyped by success) and focusing on resolving this challenge. I told my wife her drinking is escalating and she's not thinking with a clear head so she seems to be trying to back it off, although 2-3 beers over the last couple of days doesn't seem to help.
Day 30 done and dusted, time to reset the dial and knock off month 2. Thank you to all for your unconditional support and feedback. It is deeply appreciated and makes all the difference.
Congrats on your 30-day chip ... oh man, that's one hard chip to come by, LOL ...
Just a precaution for you at this point, don't do what I did the first couple times I came to AA, I started act'n like I had 10 years when I only had just a month or two ... I thought I had this drink'n thingy licked and was give'n advice to others about stuff I knew noth'n about ... you sound like you have a clear head go'n into your second month and you sound like you have the right 'outlook' ... I'm simply try'n to say that I needed a little more humility like you seem to exhibit ... way to go, I'm in your corner, let's go get the 60-day chip now and just keep puttin' one foot ahead of the other ...
Love ya brother, and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Well, I thought I would check in. Things are really difficult right now. Since I last posted I definitely had my share of drinking episodes. I'm going through a split with my soon-to-be ex and she's making life a living hell for me. This came to a head with all of the excess drinking going on around my house, not just with me, but with my son and wife as well. Both my son and I were both at it way too much and he sat me down and said we couldn't maintain a relationship if it continued. It was a hard conversation to listen to but reality is often hard to accept. He recognized he needed to stop too, especially the weed, which was ruining his life, along with the drinking (he's 23). So we agreed to quit and we've both been off for 62 days now. I wondered what was going to happen with the relationship with the ex when we stopped and, as I feared, things have gotten WAY worse now that she has no one at home to drink with. The times she has been drinking have been way worse because she's very angry and gets aggressive and somewhat violent, as in trying to punch me. Needless to say, this is having a huge impact on my son but she won't leave it alone. Last night I went to the beer store for her and was so tempted to grab some for myself but the promise I made to my son overrides it. I just can't let him down on this change. In spite of the turmoil I've seen such a positive change in him and our relationship. Drinking isn't an option because it will make my life SO much worse and I need to live life working through these challenges and my role in this whole mess. I should have left a long time ago but I was putting my kids first. I should have quit drinking a long time ago. I didn't want to admit to the depths of my loneliness and medicated myself for too many years. I definitely have issues to work out myself and why I've let this go on. I definitely have abandonment issues and letting things go, that's for sure. Seems I've recreated my home life growing up and allowed to to run my life. Sad, strange, but true.
Oddly enough I did one of those Facebook tests today and the results were odd because it said "In 2017 you will stop drinking". Strange thing is, I don't have any pictures or reference to drinking on my Facebook page. A message for sure....
One thing I am going to do tomorrow......I'm going to go to a meeting. I found one 5 minutes from my house and I'm going to go to it. It's a closed meeting. Any advice on a first meeting is appreciated. My promise to my son is paramount to me right now but he's going away at Christmas and I want to have back up support to keep things focused. Maybe there will be people living my ex situation and be able to share some advice.
Oh man StartNow, it's good to see you're still around ... so many go back to their old ways and don't live very much longer ... I'm so happy to know you're still with us .... Sorry to hear of your situation at home ... but, glad to know you and your son are working together to salvage some respect and love for each other ...
I am excited to know you're go'n to a meet'n ... we have a much easier time of make'n changes in our lives when we have a good support system in place ... and the AA meet's are the perfect place to escape to when life throws us a curve and drink'n ain't an option any more ... You only need to use your first name in a meet'n ... and you do not have to share if you don't feel like it ... but if you do share, there ain't noth'n you can say that they hadn't already heard before(usually many times before) ... Go make some friends and get some phone numbers so you have someone to call iff'n you get squirrel'y ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
P.S. Let us know how the meet'n went. ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
