I am feeling a bit introspective and wanted to share.....
...It's been a rough last few days. No need or desire to elaborate about specifics. I don't do that anymore here or anywhere. I talk to God instead. Sometimes I just have to look up towards Heaven and say, "God give me the answer" when I cannot come up with one on my own. Sometimes I don't feel heard by Him. Sometimes I feel like I am talking to myself--which can and has proven to be dangerous. And sometimes I hear an unwelcome answer from that wine bottle calling my name from just a short distance away.
....This is a tough disease. It is sure to take me down if I ever think it is okay to drink again. I am learning to tell myself that it is alright not to have an immediate answer. It is alright not to try to figure out everything. I'll be okay if I just ride this out. And soon this latest "drama" --this "problem" will be forgotten or replaced with something else to deal with. And I know I know I know that this is life..... Where there are roses, there are thorns...where there is sunshine, there are clouds and rain. But since the rain helps the roses grow and makes them beautiful I can look at those "thorns" or "problems" as things which eventually will make us beautiful and strong on the inside. (May wrinkle and age the crap out of us on the outside though--LOL!)
This board and coming here and reading Pappy's everyday inspirational postings has helped me, as has reading the newcomers' postings and others who are dealing with rough stuff and posting here. I'm not alone in this battle. There are others dealing with much larger issues than I will know and may ever know....Pappy is a real example of that with all he has been through and is still going through with his health issues. An amazing man! And knowing that he still comes here and helps me and others stay sober is HUGE to me. It helps me avoid getting back into the habit I had (sometimes still do) of feeling like a victim. It helps me by feeling love and concern for others rather than pity for myself. So I will go through today with that thinking rather than the helpless "poor me" thinking. It feels good to be alive, sober and at least I am thinking clearly rather than cloudy from being drunk. May God help me accept those thorns in life and to have gratitude for the many roses I have blooming all around me!
Thanks God. Thanks MIP. You guys are some of the "roses" in my life. I am grateful to have a God to pray to and a place to come to which can remove me from self-destructive thinking and the kind of behavior which caused me to drink again in the past and caused me more misery, pain and even more thorns.
-- Edited by leavetherest on Tuesday 5th of April 2016 09:53:14 AM
Hey Ltr, ... thanks for the kind comments ... be careful not to put me or anyone else on a pedestal, we are human and we all make mistakes ... I'm sure you've learned this in AA but just wanted to refresh that thought ...
Sometimes I have had to thank God for unanswered prayers ... where if I'd gotten what I prayed for, would have put me in an impossible situation, with even more difficulties ... (that's why I sometimes questioned whether or not He was listening to me TOO ...) ... He knows what's best for us and we don't always see that ... and it sounds as though you have really started to see this truth in your own life ... If your older messages hadn't been erased, I think you'd see a 'world' of difference in your attitude now from then ... you have many more tools in your toolbox than you used to have, and it's made you stronger, more understanding of others, and of yourself ...
Most of all, you stated a few years ago, that you never 'committed' to sticking with anything, but you have with AA ... it ain't been easy for you, but you've stuck with it, and that is something that impresses me cause it's so easy to 'give-up', as we have also seen on this board, and with those local to our respective areas ...
we all get in a funk once in a while, but most of us have learned that we have friends here that truly love us for who we are, and we can draw unlimited support from those very thoughts ... (God at Work) ...
Love you always, God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hey Pappy, can you hear me up there????
(whoops, too late for the pedestal thing...LOL...now Mr., be careful not to fall and ruin it for me..more LOL!!!
If I were to fall, I'm glad I got someone like you to catch me ... also, sobriety wasn't a 'once and done' thing for me either ... it took me a while before I could accumulate many sober days together ... finally I know what it feels like to have the 'desire to drink' removed ... thanks to God and AA and people like those here on MIP ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Awwww shucks Pappy......look how many times you have caught me...and that isn't because I was on a pedestal--it was because I tripped over my own two feet (or tongue :)
Ohhhhhh. do you mean "sugar bowl" as in alcohol?????? If that is what you meant--Absolutely not. I feel really good and filled with the good and merciful Spirit from the King above --not the bad and evil spirits that King Alcohol is.
oh good grief.....ok this is where my mind is, Pappy....when you said "white stuff" --and in cookies or brownies---I thought you meant the other white stuff--that people shove up their noses. And I don't think it has been used for cookies or brownies. Although I did hear about someone eating a laced brownie unknowingly.
SUGAR! You mean SUGAR.
I just mentioned how my mind is even slower over the last several months.
Oh boy, you ARE a Nit Wit, LOL ... yes SUGAR ... thought you'd gone overboard on the stuff ... AND I think the ice cream and Butterfingers(both of which I love with a passion) would do it ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
No, it takes so much more than the amount of ice cream and candy bars I had for me to go overboard. I only had a couple of scoops and those little bars.
I can go through a 1/2 bag of those little Butterfinger bars, LOL ... and when I eat Ice cream, I usually eat a 1/3 of a 1/2 gal carton, not those little 1/2 gallons, the real 1/2 gallon that you get at Publix ... Damn, I here some ice cream call'n me and it's the middle of the afternoon ...
See how you are????? ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
You know Pappy.....I think you and I are the only ones on this board who can turn so many different discussions into food. Darn! Now I am wanting a pizza! I read your posting and how I got pizza out of ice cream and Butterfingers I'll never know.
And hey! This guy I really like just came on t.v. What's his name???? He was in King of Queen's...Kevin James...that's him. Movie playing is Paul Blart: Mall Cop. He just ran his scooter with oversized wheels into something while he was checking out a woman. LOLOL! I've seen it but I'll probably watch it again. Pizza and laughs--what a great combination!
