Of course all that 'back-fired' on me a few years later ... cause I continued to drink even after I didn't have the money ... just about anything that had alcohol in it ... the insanity caught up with me though ... I new I had reached the point of either 'drink and die' or 'stop and live' ... and it's so sad for me to know some that made the decision to continue to drink, they aren't with us any longer ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
In my case:
Early on I drank because I liked the Buzz and I had much fun.
Later on I drank because I had to and that was no fun at all. :(
I guess it differs from individual to individual, but I am well aware of the consequences thank you very much. Like Marc and Roger already said, the initial buzz helped fuel my desire for more. Unfortunately, it never lasted.
The weekend buzz transitioned nicely over the years, much to my dismay, undergoing a complete psychic change within the first 3 months or so. What originally started out as a form a social lubricant morphed into a full blown habit in less than 6 months. I went from being an intoxicated individual -weekend drunk mostly- to a full blown alcoholic within a year or so. And that's only the beginning.
I going to spare you all the messy details, but for the sake of argument we'll just say that at some point things got out of hand.
Eventually, alcohol became more than just an intoxicating beverage. It was a powerful relaxant used to quell my anxiety. It was also used in social situations as a way to pick up women -it's how I met my first wife. From there it morphed into something more powerful.
After years of abuse and many more years on the run, my disease finally caught up with me. It left me a broken man, physically, mentally and spiritually. And if that wasn't bad enough, it took away all my dignity as well. It wasn't until a decade or more on the run that I finally came clean. It was at a local sober house here in New York. After that admission, I was given a second chance at life and haven't looked back since.
From a recovery standpoint, there's not much else to say other than the truth. How alcohol is ultimately perceived is based entirely on the individual itself. I hope you agree.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 18th of March 2016 11:56:42 PM
Hi David--Yeah, I didn't really read anything in the that article I didn't already know. Just trying to help others who maybe are like me and have to hear/read things over and over before they "get it". Thank you for the helpful posts. Hearing things from those like you who are willing to share your own experiences with alcohol is much better, in my opinion. Good informative stuff and I am sure others will find yours as well as the other shares helpful.
-- Edited by leavetherest on Saturday 19th of March 2016 06:14:54 AM
Great 'thread' Ltr ... ... ... should give 'newbies' the comfort to know THEY ARE NOT ALONE ... ... ... WE do this together ... and together, we recover ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
While we dumb it down to urge and enjoying the effects, there is a strong BIOCHEMICAL and psychological cause to alcoholism and addiction. From birth and early childhood, to usage later in life.
This is where the disease aspect comes into play.
-- Edited by Jakamo on Saturday 19th of March 2016 11:52:41 AM
Yes of course alcohol affects body chemistry. Everybody knows this...
But we do it anyway cuz it's fun and it feels good and that shit won't happen to me.
I was fucked before I was even born and I'm pissed at GOD about that!
Even before one starts drinking, there are biochemical reasons that lead to alcoholism and aren't merely just affected by it. As for
MarcLacroix wrote:
I was fucked before I was even born and I'm pissed at GOD about that!
Marc
That doesn't sound like a very healthy outlook at all.
Sometimes I get angry about what happened to me and other innocents born into toxic family environments. And Also Sometimes I think there is no God, Because if there was a GOD, He/She does not seem to give a FlyingFuck about you or me or anyone else.
Sorry Folks... But I felt this was a place as good as any to vent off a little steam . :)
Marc
See what happens when you get me going..., I get pretty liberal with bad language.
Lay off the lyriosol, that Shit is dangerous. :)
-- Edited by MarcLacroix on Saturday 19th of March 2016 04:21:01 PM
Marc, many of us here do believe in an 'all powerful, all knowing' God, it gave us 'hope' for recovery and gives us strength to carry on ... and we have tapped into this power to aid our recovery ... of course you have the power to decide God's role in your life however you see fit, but I know of many miracles that are part of my recovery and I can attest to the others that view this the same way ...
Laying 'blame' on your birth and family upbringing on God is a dangerous belief in any case ... you can't prove there is no God nor can I prove there is ... but I, choose to see God in the things and people around me, and that gives me hope and faith that with Him, I can 'overcome' whatever troubles come my way ... AND, in a satisfying and happy way ... there is no room left in me to be bitter for how my life sucked ... cause when I learned to open my heart and let the 'love of God' in, it spread to others and all became well with my soul ... it's more an 'attitude' than anything else ... my sponsor told me 'you are what you think about' ... and if you're miserable, then start think'n 'bout other things ...
And another thing, when we become adults, we learned right from wrong and begin making our own choices, I made some bad ones and many of us here did the same thing ... we made our own beds 'so to speak' ... God nor anyone else forced the booze down our throats ... He was never at fault, ever, I was ... plain and simple ...
So if you want to be upset at anyone or any thing, be upset with yourself ...
Just some thoughts from an old drunk, who can now choose to drink or not, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Sometimes I get angry about what happened to me and other innocents born into toxic family environments. And Also Sometimes I think there is no God, Because if there was a GOD, He/She does not seem to give a FlyingFuck about you or me or anyone else.
Sorry Folks... But I felt this was a place as good as any to vent off a little steam . :)
Marc
See what happens when you get me going..., I get pretty liberal with bad language.
Lay off the lyriosol, that Shit is dangerous. :)
The baclofen is a different topic (not brand name Lioresal, but I'm sure it's pretty much the same). Why you're throwing it in here I have no idea (actually I do but I'm not going to get into it). There's simply no way you've researched it as much as I have. I have also since weaned myself off, so let's put that aside.
Nonetheless, I'm not trying to get you going. When I say it's not a very healthy outlook, I mean that compassionately. There's much a person can do to become a happier person other than getting sober, and medication is indeed a slippery slope. I'm sure you're aware of many many different methods people use that can change their outlook on life and help them become a happier person. Whether you choose to accept these methods or dismiss them is completely up to you.
When I see a person as angry as yourself it deeply saddens me. I'm not being condescending, I'm being honest. You remind me to the old timers in AA that have many years of sobriety and are still very miserable people. You also remind me of my much younger self, even though I'm pretty sure you're older than me. I too was born into a toxic family environment and since have learned to overcome it and learn from it. Not from meds, but from some deep soul-searching and methods and beliefs that work for me.
I wish you nothing but the very best, and hope you can find a better way to cope with such anger that seems to consume you and come out in unhealthy ways.
-- Edited by Jakamo on Saturday 19th of March 2016 06:28:48 PM
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! Dave!!!! I haven't laughed this hard in a good while! Hijack away! I'm probably going to have to go shopping for Depends, though, I almost peed myself scrolling down through all of them. And Marc, loved your cartoon, too! Both of you have a great sense of humor and that's what this ole alcoholic needs not to take herself so seriously. Thank you both for that.
And I blamed God for years for my life and the crap that happened to me. Took me awhile to get over it. It only got me drunker and more cynical. Look, things happen. Really bad things. No one knows why really. They just do. Sometimes we just have to realize we are not going to understand everything and we just have to try to do the best we can do with what we have to work with. It is either that or give up. I've given up many times. It got me no where. Alot of it has to do with attitude. If I am determined to have a good attitude about things I usually have a better day. If I wake up feeling miserable and don't work on changing my attitude, I usually have a lousy day. It is choosing Happy rather than Crappy. I even have a mug--actually two mugs in one with the bottom in between the two. One side says Happy and you flip it over and the other side says Crappy. When I was new in AA I didn't want to go to meetings. I put my dollar to the basket, but I wanted to make them work for it, so I would sit in the meeting, trying my best to fold that dollar into one of those triangle shapes kids used to do with notebook paper in school and flick with their fingers and make fly across the room when the teacher was writing something on the blackboard. Never could get the darn thing figured out but I tried, while intermittently drinking from the Crappy side of my mug I took to me to some of those earlier meetings. And I didn't care what anyone thought of me either.
I still have that mug. I never use it though. Don't need to anymore. The mugs I use for my coffee and tea all are Happy mugs. And I gave up making paper airplanes, too.
I drank because self destruction is my number one talent.I actually agree with Marc on the God business. I don't like the standard model, and as a delusional drunk, I don't need to make up my own. There are some people who only have two choices: atheism or misotheism. That doesn't stop me from learning from others at the meetings as I enjoy their presence. Most everyone I know in my A.A. community knows I'm an atheist. But they're cool with it. And I'm okay with their belief. The bottom line is whatever works. It really does work if you take what you like and leave the rest. The rest for me just happens to be the god/higher power stuff. It's been this way from the start, and I'm approaching 5 years of sobriety. I must be doing something right. There's an article titled 'Without a Higher Power' that was published in Jan. 2010 issue of the Grapevine. Nice to know that there can be peace between the faithful and the non-believers. Maybe I should send a copy to Toronto...
-- Edited by Goofyman on Sunday 20th of March 2016 01:14:40 AM
-- Edited by Goofyman on Sunday 20th of March 2016 01:20:09 AM
-- Edited by Goofyman on Sunday 20th of March 2016 01:21:14 AM
Yeah, I had a feeling Pappy and leavetherest were joined at the hip. :)
....yeah, but he lets me loose to take bathroom breaks when needed...LOL!
Seriously, Pappy has been more of a Sponsor to me than anyone. My gay sponsor told me that even if I drank again he would not "fire" me-he said he had sponsees that had gone out more than once and he still worked with them. When I picked up again he didn't come to me and let me know he couldn't work with me anymore---after a meeting he told the guy (also in recovery) who I live with and told him. That's how I found out. It was for the best anyway. I couldn't really trust him because he shared things about his other sponsees which should have been private, so I couldn't open up to him as much because I didn't know what he was carrying to others I shared with him. Also, when I was working the Steps he was continually cancelling meetings--most of the time at the last minute--and week after week sometimes. Pappy suggested more than once that I should find another sponsor and I didn't listen. My bad. And that woman sponsor I had after him ---OMG!
So yes, I do have to say that Pappy has been extremely influential in my life and no one better mess with him or they'll have to answer to me. LOL.
-- Edited by leavetherest on Sunday 20th of March 2016 06:34:52 AM
There aren't too many people that I'd share my 'homemade' Pear Butter with ... but ltr is one of them ... along with my postal lady, who always gives my Rose, dog biscuits, and my neighbors ... so yes, ltr and I are 'close' ... closer than most ... and I can now say it's been years ... what is it the BB sez about the program???, ... 'bout make'n 'lifelong' friends??? ... every word in the BB is pure 'gold' ...
(oh, I been married to the same woman for 42 years and my body is a broken down mess, so I'm harmless ... to other women that is, LOL ...) ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I feel honored you thought enough of me to send it to me. And it was some of the best stuff this mouth has tasted--and believe you me--my mouth has tasted alot over the years! My mom and I are very grateful to you and your talent. It is so much better than the store bought kind. I am still thinking about making some myself, although I know if I do it won't come near to what you made. I know if you ever wanted to, you could market it...Pappy's Pear Butter. And if you do, let me know. I will be one of your devoted customers. :)
And what a nice postal lady you have---lucky Rose. If those are homemade biscuits, I know she smiles when she sees them coming. And biscuits and pear butter! I just made some homemade biscuits about a week ago. The first ones I have made in years (bisquick doesn't count to me). They were so-so. I had to use a small measuring cup to cut them out, because I don't have a biscuit cutter. The first day, they were not too bad; however, the next day I took a bite out of one and almost choked on it--it was that dry. So I need to practice more. I looked up recipes and was surprised that there are not more variations. Think I will try buttermilk in the next ones and see if that helps make them moister.
You can't make a decent biscuit without Buttermilk, ... it ain't possible ... :P ... ... I even soak my chicken and fish filets in buttermilk before frying ... ummmm ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I will try the chicken and fish in it. I bought some frozen fish and wondered about soaking it in milk. I had read or hard that by doing so it removes some of the fishy taste. Well, I didn't and whew! It was really fishy. But then.....it is fish.
Wow! This posting has covered a bit of an array of things hasn't it? We have some alcoholism tidbits, some biochemical things related to it, some humor, spiritual and now some baking. What's left?
I think this board is pretty safe from that kind of thing.
And I guess I am getting old....I am one of few who really doesn't care who others are sleeping with. I just make sure my side of the sheet is clean....LOL!
I'm significantly younger than you and I have NEVER given one iota of afuck who's sleeping with whom and what celebs are secretly gay or what their net worth is.
Oh man was I sorry to hear of that last year ... he was so talented ... I do miss him ... R.I.P. Robin ...
I saw one of his 'stand-up' routines once where he discussed alcohol and it was funnier than all getouts ... LOL ... have to see if I can find it and replay it ... 'You Tube' maybe ??? ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I too miss Robin Williams. I grew up with him watching him in Happy Days, Mork and Mindy, and the many movies he was in. Mrs. Doubtfire is one of my favorites. What a wonderful person who had the wonderful gift of bringing smiles and laughter to so many. It is sad and yet ironic, that he could do so while hiding behind his own pain and that he struggled with depression to the degree that it caused him to take his own life. Although Williams was an alcoholic, he was sober when he died. No alcohol or drugs were found in him when he passed.
That is a great picture that was posted of him above.
Some quotes I found by him:
What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.
There is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out there. Even mistakes can be wonderful.
God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say, Stop or I'll say Stop again.
Ah yes, divorce.....from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
We were talking briefly about cocaine...yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!
I wonder what chairs think about all day: Oh, here comes another asshole!
-
-- Edited by leavetherest on Tuesday 22nd of March 2016 06:04:22 AM
What a wonderful person who had the wonderful gift of bringing smiles and laughter to so many. It is sad and yet ironic, that he could do so while hiding behind his own pain and that he struggled with depression to the degree that it caused him to take his own life.
"Comedy, of any sort, is usually a byproduct of a tumor that grows on the human soul. If you know a really funny person who isn't tortured and broken inside, I'd say a) They've just successfully hidden it from you. b) Their fucked-uppedness is buried so deep down that even they're in denial about it, or c) They're just some kinds of mystical creature I can't begin to understand." - David Wong
Sorry, that wasn't a slight on Pappy.............maybe Marc, lol.
-- Edited by Jakamo on Sunday 27th of March 2016 11:58:58 AM
Comedy to me, is the ability to NOT take one's-self so dog-gone seriously ... after get'n sober, and perhaps the get'n old(er), what I used to blame on my higher-power(for what i thought was my own pitiful situation) was what I was actually set'n myself up for ... in other-words, I got what I deserved in most cases(which at times, was a lot of depression ... I had some perverse notion that I needed 'pity' from others) ... plus I've come to believe that God has a 'sense of humor' too ...
Robin W. saw the world through a different pair of glasses, and his internal struggles were 'deep-seated' ... I loved the man but he was too complex for me to really understand ... I loved his comedy ... he always seemed to me to have a number of 'masks' in his back pocket ... and depend'n on the situation, he'd pull out a different mask when ever he felt like it ... so I DO think he was always hiding behind something ... where 'real' or 'imagined' ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I didn't post some of Williams jokes which I found a bit offensive. Although many of them are in my opinion, harmless, some are in bad taste.
I looked up David Wong because I had never heard about him. That's not his real name. It is Jason Pargin. He is an American humor writer and I do not think he is all wong....nor is he all right. I think there are some people who are extremely humorous who are not necessarily broken or f-d up. They are just able to see things in a more positive manner and have the ability to be creative and talented enough to come up with jokes, shows, books, etc. which allow the viewers and readers--many of which are broken or f-d up--to forget their problems for a while and have a much needed laugh.
As far as Robin Williams goes--Wong's quote was probably right on when it comes to him--he was a very depressed individual. And quite a few comedians do suffer from depression--just not all of them.
Anyone who has the need to consistently put down others in a rude and uncaring manner is insecure no matter who they are. That's not funny to me--it's rather sad.
Anyone who has the need to consistently put down others in a rude and uncaring manner is insecure no matter who they are. That's not funny to me--it's rather sad.
