I'm new, only two weeks sober. It's hard for me to admit that I'm in alcoholic because I can go for weeks or months without drinking. I can go out to dinner and have one or two glasses of wine with my friends and be satisfied. Then once in a while, I'll go out and have nine drinks, blackout, pass out, & endanger myself. I never drink and drive, but it's very dangerous to black out like that. I always thought alcoholics were people who woke up in the morning and had to have a drink. I didn't realize there were different forms of alcoholism. I recently read that it's more toxic for your brain to binge than it is to drink daily. I'm interested in learning how to heal the brain from these episodes. I miss drinking already, as I feel like I will never have fun again. I never drink alone in my house. It's always part of going out and partying with friends. Does anyone else feel like they'll never have fun again? Are there other people like me out there who binge drink? How come sometimes I can be completely in control and other times I lose the ability to stop? Will this get easier? Do I have to tell my friends and family? I'm so ashamed of myself. I need help and guidance.
I can relate, at one point I could control my drinking and as this thing progressed the episode's became more frequent. I reached a point where what they call in the big book as pitiful incomprehensible demoralization. I found the help I needed in the rooms of AA.
It's very difficult for any one of us to diagnose you. If you are not a real alcoholic yet, you might be able to moderate your drinking or stop altogether. You might need medical help. For me I passed the stage where i could get any human help. I had to find a Higher Power whom I call God today. Alcoholics Anonymous helped me to find that power. I cannot tolerate any form or alcohol at all, because my body is physically allergic to alcohol.
I thought I could control it, and most of the time I could, but then there are those rare times that I'm out of control. My therapist said the only way to make sure that I don't binge is to stop altogether. The episodes are Happening more and more. I have been thinking about drinking as a reward and stress reliever. Making excuses to go out and get smashed. It makes me sad. Can life be fun without drinking? I have started going to meetings and I started reading the big book. The people are nice and so supportive. Still I feel like my days of having fun are over.
I too was worried about 'never having fun again' when I was getting sober. But from my experience, and the experiences of lots of people I have known in AA, I can assure you that we can still have plenty of fun without drinking. Of course, if our old idea of 'fun' was really just getting drunk, well then we will want to find a new type of fun, but I assure you it is possible. For example, in my case I used to sit on a bar stool and dream about traveling all over the world to visit exotic distant places. But of course I never could do any traveling at all when I was spending all my time and money in a bar. Now that I'm sober I have actually been doing it and I've had all sorts of amazing experiences all over the world, none of which would have happened if I had not stopped drinking.
Welcome S18, ... glad you're here ... We can help ...
Your dilemma is directly tied to your 'idea' of fun ... like Dave said ... if you like be'n 'out-of-control' and not remember'n the night before, or how the hell you got to the place where you woke up the next day, then you're in for a surprise ... cause it is possible to have a lot of fun 'SOBER' ... AND the benefit is you REMEMBER have'n fun and don't suffer from 'hang-overs' ...
I'd drink enough the nite before to 'pass-out', and then barf in the morn'n after my coffee then beer ... then if I lost that first beer, I'd drink another then head to work ... (obviously, I didn't hold down any one good job for very long ...) ...
Since get'n sober, and after a year or so to begin with, I learned to change, I've learned I can enjoy myself immensely with my AA friends ... and at some point, I could be around those who DID drink cause the 'desire' to drink was removed from me ... (and that is based on my 'conscious contact' with my 'higher power' whom, like Gonee, is God) ...
You see, we were a 'spiritually bankrupt' group of people ... once we worked the 12 steps and became connected to our HP, then we progressed to recover from our addiction ... and you can too ...
Please join in on the Happy road to recovery, if we can do it, so can you ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Sunday 6th of March 2016 09:53:45 PM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Welcome Serenity, I was always told it's not how much or how often you drink, it's what happens when you do drink. If your drinking is a concern even to yourself, then you might have a problem. Normal social drinkers don't worry about blacking out. I've been sober for over 9 years, and got sober at 40. I remember at my first AA meeting thinking the same thing as you, I'll never have any fun again. I had spent my entire adult life thinking about drinking, drinking, or recovering from drinking. I have good news though, I got rid of a lot of "friends" who were really only drinking companions, and made some real friends at meetings and in everyday life. I do the same things I used to, especially going to concerts, except it's more fun because I can actually be in the moment to enjoy myself, and the next day remember exactly what happened! I travel, I was in Barbados last month for a week at an all inclusive (alcohol included), and had a blast enjoying the weather and my husband with a club soda in hand. Being sober is a gift each and every day, give it a chance.
It really depends on what you consider normal. Some people can go and entire week without having a drink. Other people are not so lucky. A person who has an occasional drink or two is less likely to develop a drinking problem. Those who cannot, have a greater chance at becoming an alcoholic.
Best case scenario, you stop drinking for a week or two without any serious consequences. Worst case scenario, you become a full blown alcoholic. It can go either way. The key points to consider: How much you drink and how often you do so.
My journey was less complicated. I started out as a binge drinker, and eventually progressed to full blown alcoholic many years later. I considered myself a recluse, a person who liked to drink in secret. I even tried to downplay my drinking like it was no big deal. For example, I would have 5 drinks or more just to relax. Then, I would end up drinking 2 to 3 glasses every hour until I passed out. That sounds like an alcoholic to me. Moderate drinkers can usually stop at 1 or 2, without hesitation. Alcoholics cannot.
I also had an excuse for just about anything. My excuses ranged from overly ridiculous to deeply troubling. Statements like 'why stop at just one', 'whose counting anyway' or my all time favorite 'One is never good enough so you better make it three' are downright disturbing. They usually indicate a much broader problem. Eventually, things started to break down. Then, reality sets in. After that it's more of a guessing game. Two things may happen from there; we either sober up for good or become a full blown alcoholic. We choose.
Does any of this sound familiar? If it does, you may be an alcoholic. Again, it really depends on what you consider normal. For example, someone who drinks a pint of booze every single day is most likely an alcoholic. Lesser amounts may vary. Like I said, it's about the 2 factors mentioned earlier: Frequency and consumption. After that, the decision is entirely ours. Welcome to M.I.P.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 6th of March 2016 09:31:28 PM
Serenity 18, at this phase, worry about getting sober and try to avoid the thoughts of lack of fun in the future. Don't think about it. Maybe soon you'll realize that sobriety IS worth it, and that you don't miss alcohol. Then the fun will return.
Welcome Serenity 18. I too felt like I wouldn't have fun anymore once I stopped drinking. I was stubborn and needed some reminders as I guess I have been a slow learner that drinking the way I drank was certainly far from "having fun" and more like misery and being miserable.
All this talk about drinking being fun. There is some kind of delusion here. I didn't come to AA because my drinking was fun. My drinking was misery. If it was still fun, why would I want to stop?
I don't want to stop, have to stop because it's dangerous. Going out and partying with friends was a lot of fun. I'm starting to work the program, I know I'm an alcoholic and I have to do this. I just wonder if I can have that kind of fun again. Please don't judge.
For me, I made alcohol so important in my life, that it became my life. All the social activities I did, I felt I had to drink to relax and even be around people and feel comfortable while around them. I did not work hard enough trying to find other things --other activities--which brought me pleasure which did not involve drinking. After awhile, I couldn't do anything without drinking. My mind and my body became almost totally dependent on it to the point where I felt like I couldn't live without it in my life. And there were times and have been times when my mind wanders back to only the "fun" times--the things I can remember. It forgets the horrible times --the arrests, the overnight jail visits, the heavy fines, the hangovers, the fights, the multiple hospital visits, the trying to remember what I said or did the night before which embarrassed me and possibly/most likely hurt others. Then I realize there wasn't much "fun" in all that. And I thought after going through all that I had "had enough" only to realize that my mind again, played tricks on me and convinced me that I had to go back to the "fun". Then comes the remorse and shame and the realization that I can only go through so many "bottoms" before one of them is going to be a thud when my dead body hits the bottom of a 6 foot hole and a bunch of dirt is going to be thrown on my corpse.
If you really want to quit, I think it is important to find other things in your life which bring you pleasure. It sounds like you have become dependent on it --not to the degree, maybe, that I did, and drinking around the clock every single day. I have heard of binge drinkers dying from one of their binges, so you should be concerned. When you think you can have no fun in your life by removing it from your life, that is a huge red flag that there may be a problem, imo. Because there are other things--many other things--which you can and will discover which bring you pleasure, enjoyment and have fun which do not include alcohol. There is more to life than partying with your friends.
And I am not judging you at all. I can't. I'm an alcoholic myself and still learning.
