I have a freaking struggle. I want to drink. The reasons why? I guess they're my own. I've not been in rehab long and I can't brag about a long period of sobriety.
If you really do consider yourself an alcoholic, which I think you do or you wouldn't be here, it is likely you're at the point where your drinking is out of control and you would wind up going on a run and just making things worse. Gut it out - pray - call people in recovery - talk about this in meetings and it will get easier. You can do it and you are not alone!
TW, for alcoholics whose drinking is out of control there are million reasons to drink. The idea in recovery is to develop reasons to NOT drink. You can learn those reasons from others who are sober. You cannot do that by yourself. I could not. I had to ask for help.
When the disease has taken control of our minds and bodies, it constantly tells us we need to drink more and more and more ... it's goal is our death ... and I've seen what it does to us ... not many of us make it to a natural death, it comes way too soon for us ... you want to change that??? ... then don't drink, go to meet'ns ... read the AA Big Book and work the steps ...
Or ... listen to the disease ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'