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Post Info TOPIC: Fellow AA lying about sober time
sunshinelvr


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Fellow AA lying about sober time
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I have a situation that I don't now how to handle.  Would like to hear from anyone that went through this and how it worked for them. The fellow AA is my husband, therefore I have inside information on this.  Bottom line, he is coming up on 2 years sober (according to what he tells me and everyone) after 3 years of relapses.  I know for a fact, that he has drank twice in those nearly 2 years.  One is recent and I was away on business and could tell on our phone calls.  He was very very drunk.  He denies it.  Speech, behavior, problems working his phone, and everything led to this conclusion.  His pattern has been that when I am away, he drinks and hides it.  The other, I found the bottle, with receipt, with date on it.  Took a picture.  Anyway I am torn between making an issue of it with him and calling him on his dishonesty, and just overlooking it and leaving him to his program. He needs to get honest and quit lying to me and others in meetings and in our circle of friends.  I lose respect for him from doing this.  Codependent comes to mind.  However, he's my husband, I want to help.  Is pretending I believe him really helping him?  So, anyone out there care to share your experience with a similar situation with me?  Perhaps point me to pages in the Big Book that speak to this.  I really am hurting inside about this situation.  Thanks in advance.



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Tanin


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As far as I know, there are no AA rules against lying about the length of sobriety. Certainly, there is no penalty for such. And an alcoholic AA member cannot be forced to tell the truth about how long he's been sober.

Lying about sobriety happens from time to time. Even here.

Maybe Al-Anon can help you...

alanon.activeboard.com/

I bet it can.

 

 



-- Edited by Tanin on Tuesday 9th of February 2016 07:20:11 PM

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MarcLacroix


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Women can be liars too. :)
Perhaps your post is BS...




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Db1105


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Contact your local Al-Anon group.

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Fyne Spirit


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Alanon would seem to be the best sirce of advice on this. I have a feeling it might be for you to be true to yourself, first, and not participate in covering up. I can see that this would be difficult because you live under the same roof, and if you refuse to aliby, that might make home life unpleasant for a while. I have an idea that Alanon will know how to deal with this.



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Fyne Spirit

Walking with curiosity.
Pythonpappy


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Welcome to MIP sunshinelvr, ... Glad you found us ...

I agree with the suggestion of go'n to some Al-Anon meet'ns ... this does sound right down their alley ... I was one of those types that was in 'n out of AA for years ... as you know, alcoholics are accomplished liars ... my wife knew in an instant when she traveled and called to check up on me, that I had been drink'n ... as much as I thought I was speak'n just like normal, I was only fool'n myself ... she and everyone else knew when I was drink'n ...

I really don't know how good/bad your relationship is, so any advice other than join'n Al-Anon probably wouldn't help you ... if you really care about what he's do'n to himself, you may want to have a long face-to-face talk and call him out on it ... but that may not end very well and have some serious consequences ... if you press the issue, it could get really bad ... again, I think the Al-Anon suggestion is the right direction ...

I do wish you the best ... and if you are also alcoholic, then you know the disease and the struggles we all go through try'n to quit ... sooner or later, he's go'n to not be able to be sober when you return from one of your trips ... then there's no deny'n it ... it'll be hard, but try to support him and let him make the decision to come out with the truth or not ... If you have a medallion to mark years sober, look at it, ... it sez, ... "To Thine Own Self Be True" ... always keep this in the back of your mind ... Total Honesty, it's what we must learn to live by, else the disease will claim another victim ...


Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy




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MarcLacroix


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Chapter Eight 'To Wives'


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Pythonpappy


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Yes, that would be a good 're-read' ...



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