The true use of speech is not so much to express our wants as to conceal them.
--Oliver Goldsmith

Learning to communicate, for little children, means squeezing huge desires into little words, like "hurt" or "cookie." We learn early that we're only going to get part of what we want.

Some of us never recover from this disappointment. We use words to manipulate others, to hide our feelings. We may imagine that we have the power to control others, and so we tell ingenious stories to mask what we think is our naked strength.

But we're deluding ourselves, rather than other people. The strategy of falsehood and control finally traps us in a web of lies, where even we don't know what we want. Clarity is a choice, and so is happiness, if we want to choose them.

Asking for something is risky: I might be refused. But if I don't even ask, I'll never hear "yes."