Hi all,
I am really struggling at the moment with sadness. I just feel my life has become so dull and boring. I am proud of what I have achieved so far but beginning to wonder is this it. There seems no time to kick back and enjoy myself or anything to release the stress and its building. Suddenly started thinking about drinking if I'm honest I miss it
Hey Neal, ... I went through the very same thing early on ... my sponsor told me to 'play the tape back' ... mean'n, he said remember how things turned out the last time you drank, OR on any one drink'n binge ... I did ... and the images were not very pretty ... instead of get'n loose and relaxed, the first two or three made my think'n change, I started think'n man, I can do with just one more ... then I couldn't remember anything else except the morn'n after ...
That's the thing about alcoholism, it's sit'n there wait'n for opportunities (times of depression or what not) to convince you that you can 'handle it this time' , that this time will be different ... IT NEVER IS, IT ALWAYS TURNS OUT THE SAME OR WORSE ...
My sponsor also said I need a hobby, read'n, make'n model cars, planes ... cook'n, maybe even clean'n up stuff around the house ... anything to get my mind off the thought of have'n a drink ... I started cook'n a lot, read'n a lot, and do'n "Fix-it" stuff around the house ... it got me though those times, thank God ... I never want to experience those 'dark days' ever again ...
Smart to come here BEFORE you drank, and talk about it ... NOW ... CALL YOUR SPONSOR AND DISCUSS IT ... OR ANYONE ELSE ON YOUR "TO CALL" LIST ...
Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Sunday 24th of January 2016 01:19:57 PM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
If you absolutely can not come up with something fun to do today with that smart and adventurous personality... you just need some practice and inspiration to get you back to your true interesting and interested self. This day... just practice being the interesting person you are. You can always drink tomorrow. Any tomorrow. Just not today.
Why don't you write us a story about your life or step work experiences on here? You are good at writing...
-- Edited by justadrunk on Sunday 24th of January 2016 01:35:21 PM
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Hey Fenners........ I hit those times when I would get all down and out....they do pass. It is part of life and we all go through rough and depressing days. It is what we do with them that can either make us feel better--or worse. Now, I watch out for myself.....I have backup plans because I don't want to cave into one of those rough days like I did awhile back. Pappy mentioned calling folks--good one. Hobbies, more good ones. I am into reading, baking, crafting. Also, when I am feeling blue, I try to find a comedy show(s) or movie...nothing depressing...I want to laugh--not get more down and depressed. I love those Tyler Perry ones--the Big Momma ones. I also love Andy Griffith ones....I was feeling down the other day and turned them on. I have watched them so many times through the years, I am still amazed how Barney can crack me up! That man had quite a gift! He has made so many people laugh over the years and although he has been gone for years, his talent is still alive for us to enjoy.
Oh, and you know something really silly I want to do, Fenners? I want to get a Mason jar and plant a bean in it and watch the roots grow. Isn't that silly? But it is a pretty harmless, fun kind of thing. I remember doing that in grade school and how proud I was of my little Bean. Maybe I will name my bean "Mr. Bean". Now, are you smiling??????? Life's short. Enjoy your life. Take care of yourself. Do something silly and smile.
-- Edited by leavetherest on Sunday 24th of January 2016 01:38:42 PM
Hi all I attended a meeting last Wednesday and it was a much needed boost but I hadn't been previous to that for four weeks due to work commitments. Me and my partner decided to pop out to a pub to have a chat after meeting we stayed out 30 minutes while I moaned about the price of pop and left. I remember driving and thinking we used to have such a laugh and good time where have those times gone where is the fun. I then got through the remainder of the week very quiet feeling something is missing I know what it is I know it's wrong I hope I get through this. I know it's wrong to assume I will always feel like this and I probably won't. I feel I am making a massive sacrifice for my future and if it's going to be unhappy I don't want it
Unless the meaning of a "pub" has changed fairly recently....no wonder! While there are those who can frequent bars/pubs and stay sober, I sure cannot. Being around others being served beer and other alcoholic drinks, seeing them drinking it--well, that would just have been too much for me. I stayed out of places like that when I got in AA over a couple of years ago and I cannot go in them now.
And you said that you used to have a good time...."where have those times gone ...where is the fun...." are you reflecting on your relationship with your partner or the relationship you used to have with alcohol? And you feel like you are making a massive sacrifice for your future and "it's going to be unhappy and I don't want it"....
again, are you talking about alcohol?
Fenners...if you are going through a rough time in a relationship right now as well as trying to stay sober you may want to consider seeing a therapist. That's a tall order for someone new in sobriety. If, on the other hand, you are having trouble with the thought of staying sober and that is the "massive sacrifice" you are talking about, then it is possible that you are relying only on one meeting every few weeks and coming here off and on to be your recovery program. It takes a tremendous amount of effort, time and discipline to stay sober. This is all I am going to say about it because I am trying to limit how much I post on here from now on. I am sure others smarter than me will be on here and post. Just know that I have you in my thoughts and prayers and one more thing, Fenners.....everytime I see you on this board I get excited and think "Fenners!" So many people come on here...post a few things and disappear. It is GREAT to "see" you!
-- Edited by leavetherest on Sunday 24th of January 2016 03:11:47 PM
Me and my partner decided to pop out to a pub to have a chat after meeting we stayed out 30 minutes while I moaned about the price of pop and left.
If your partner is still actively drink'n alcohol, then this needs to change ... one way or the other ... you need to have a serious talk about just how this affects you and that it's so tempt'n when she does that ... if she cares for your future, she'll refrain from drink'n as long as you haven't finished the twelve steps, only then is the desire to drink removed ...
We discuss what we did to recover from alcoholism, but it's you that must decide if you've had enough of the pain and agony drink'n causes ... and not just to you, but your family, friends, and significant others as well ...
You are too early in the recovery program to be go'n to Pubs or Bars, What were you think'n????? ... you should avoid those like the plague, especially now ... you're start'n to sound like sobriety is a jail sentence to be dull and uninterest'n the rest of your life ... you haven't even given the program half a chance yet ... you haven't learned HOW TO LIVE SOBER YET ... don't give yourself a death sentence by go'n back to the bottle, there's no guarantee you'll ever make it back ... many don't ...
Love you brother and God Bless,
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hi all I attended a meeting last Wednesday and it was a much needed boost but I hadn't been previous to that for four weeks due to work commitments. Me and my partner decided to pop out to a pub to have a chat after meeting we stayed out 30 minutes while I moaned about the price of pop and left. I remember driving and thinking we used to have such a laugh and good time where have those times gone where is the fun. I then got through the remainder of the week very quiet feeling something is missing I know what it is I know it's wrong I hope I get through this. I know it's wrong to assume I will always feel like this and I probably won't. I feel I am making a massive sacrifice for my future and if it's going to be unhappy I don't want it
Fenners, your post reminds me greatly of some posts by Baba last month about going to bars (kinda like pubs) for fun and entertainment--without drinking alcohol. He opined on whether it was good for him and others.
Instead of attempting to enjoy old drinking behavior without drinking, Find some completely new ways to have fun that have nothing to do with the old stuff. Think about some of the things you used to wish you could do, but never had the money to do because it all went to booze. Now go do some of those things.
For me, traveling to exotic places and seeing the world was something I always used to yammer about as I sat on the same old bar stool night after night. But I never even had gas money to get out of town. But since I got sober, I have traveled to more than forty different countries and have had some really incredible adventures.
And of course it doesn't have to be some huge elaborate thing like traveling to some far away place. Just find the nearest roller coaster and start with that. There are endless possibilities.
"My mind is like a bad neighborhood - I don't go in it alone."
One of the dangers of being alone for me is that I start thinking. Now for a normal person that may be OK, but for an alcoholic like me that almost always means trouble. Colored by the disease of alcoholism, my mind seeks problems and reasons why nothing will work out. Even my so-called "good ideas" soon get me into trouble.
If I dwell in the bad neighborhood of my mind I can also get pretty depressed.I once heard that alcoholism wants me dead but will settle for drunk. If I get lost down its streets, soon I'm cut off from you and the light of my Higher Power and I start believing its dark thoughts. Depressed and alone, my disease has seemingly won - until I reach out.
Today I've learned to share my thoughts with others and to let them into my thought process. I'm no longer comfortable going into the neighborhood of my mind alone and find over and over that things always work out best when I take company. Today when I'm feeling anxious or depressed, I ask myself if I'm in the dark neighborhood of my mind alone. And if so, I call you.
Copyright @ 2016 Michael Z
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Monday 25th of January 2016 08:40:54 AM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
i also believe if the desire for alcohol has been lifted, you should be able to go wherever you want. I don't have to make a conscious effort to avoid alcohol, because I have no desire for it. Alcohol controlled my life for too long, I'm not going to let it keep controlling me.
you should be able to go wherever you want, but I'm thinking you shouldn't "want" to go to a bar. I rarely do.
Fenners, I had some of the same boredom issues as you do, but give it more time. It will go away.
It might sound a little harsh but it looks to me like you are getting out of sobriety about what you are putting into it, almost nothing. Meetings, especially the very occasional ones, do not get alcoholics of my kind sober. Generally they are intended to share experience strength and hope about working the program. This is done away wfrom the meetings, firstly working through the steps with the help of a sponsor who has taken them and had a spritual awakening as the result, and then trying to practice these principles in all out affairs.
True meetings can give a lift, but it is very temporary. Sooner or later alcoholics of my type that try and get by on lifts from meetings find themselves in a low patch, the obsession returns, they get caught in one of those strange mental blank spots, and they drink. the meory of the last time does not save them.
On the otherhand, applying the program as set out in the big book can and does provide permanent and satisfying recovery.
