When I relapsed I couldn't.....first bottle--nothing. I tried a few more (never more than one a day) within a brief amount of time. In between going to meetings because I was thinking I was done. Nope. During a month's and a couple of day's time I had either 5 or 6 --with the last one making me so ill. I think I was in disbelief. I wanted to get drunk, to feel relaxed feeling...peace. Nothing but a nasty taste (which was very bizarre to me because I liked the taste in the past). I couldn't finish the last bottle and 1/3 of it my guy friend poured out as I told him to do. I was in bed all the next day. It was the sickest I remembered getting in years and years from drinking....and when I used to get sick from drinking, it took more than 2/3 of a bottle to do so. I copped a resentment over it, too.
I really believe that I was sober long enough where my body was repulsed by it despite the fact that my mind was not. My body won.
Oh yeah, ... that buzz from the old days becomes very illusive as we get deep into our addiction ... no matter how much we drink in the end, we never get that feel'n again ... most of us AT THAT STAGE are go'n to end up dead in a few months, that, or in prison or in an institution ... that's the point where one struggles to get to a store, gets a few bottles of the high octane stuff, gets home, and drinks til they cannot do anything more than get to the bathroom to pee(and not always make'n it) ...
At that point it is not enjoyable ... it's needed just to stave off the D.T.'s ... you need to be in the hospital or risk stroke and death ... and trust me, death may be preferred over what a stroke will do to ya ...
At that point, I HAD to make a decision ... go AA's 'way of life' or keep go'n my 'way of life' for a few more months ... then it would ALL be over ...
Your choice ... we're here to help ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Nooo, I can go days/weeks withour drinking. I don't get the dts. I just find it hard to get drunk lately. I get wobbly and slurry and I eventually will pass out...but that old, warm familiar feeling eludes me.
Oh yeah, ... that buzz from the old days becomes very illusive as we get deep into our addiction ... no matter how much we drink in the end, we never get that feel'n again ...
Like I was say'n, the longer we keep up the habit, the more it takes to get that old 'buzz' go'n ... even to the point we don't feel much of noth'n, we simply 'pass out' ... it's like we just get very, very, tired and want to sleep a lot ...
Switch'n back 'n forth between beer, whiskey, wine, mouth wash, whatever, ain't gonna do anything but make things worse ... it'll just get you dead faster is all ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Tipsy....I don't think it matters what you drink....if you cannot get "drunk" off one kind of alcohol, and feel the same affects you used to, it may be your body's way of telling you it cannot handle it anymore although your mind wants to believe otherwise. (I thought about getting beer to get that buzz back--and wisely decided that if wine didn't do it, beer won't either.) I doubt seriously you are going to find anyone on here that tells you...."Tipsy, yeah, whiskey is the way to go to feel that warm familiar feeling--go for it!"
You keep coming back here to this board for a reason. There is something inside you that wants to get better, that's for sure. It is hard for me to believe that you are spending so much time coming to an AA related board to post just for "fun" when you have no intention at all of trying to help yourself. And what you said...."I'm never going to stop trying. One day I'll beat this thing" shows willingness to stop drinking. When you can pull the plastic off your face and your puppet friend avatar will not look like he is so "tipsy" will be a great day for sure. Maybe your avatar will be "normal" and be either a smiling vegetable cartoon or a monkey with breakfast???? LOL! I never claimed to be "normal" myself, but I keep trying and every day I don't drink I feel a little better about myself and that's the main thing.
And I hope that you were not looking forward to a big harvest of blackberries this year.
Love yourself, Tipsy Mcstagger, love yourself....and to start loving yourself, that means take care of yourself.
Oh the Horror when your favorite elixir stops working.
Restless, Irritable and Discontent to the Max Oh Yeah!
Can't get drunk, Can't sleep, can't eat... and lot's of body functions go bonkers.
The path to jail, institutions and/or death becomes clear.
You are introduced to The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse(Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair)
Maybe they let you live. And then maybe not.
Idiots will keep relapsing until they hit a SufficientlyHorrificBottom...
Alcohol is a Killer and Even the Toughest BoozeHounds are no match. The only way to win is to quit drinking. The HobbySite I built is for those who really have had enough. :)
Marc
-- Edited by MarcLacroix on Monday 18th of January 2016 10:05:05 AM
Okay, I visited your site a while back ... got interrupted as I recall, and never made it back ... now, either I have to spend a ton of time try'n to find it again, or you can post it again, LOL ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Dumb bad luck, I think ... actually, someone else here had to tell me I was now a Moderator ... ... ... I didn't even realize it for a week, LOL ...
One qualification is you must be crazy ... sober, but crazy ... I mean who in their right mine would want the job of clean'n up after a bunch of drunks??? ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
LOLOLOL, Pappy. It is my understanding that moderators are used to monitor boards and help make sure that we don't get into name-calling, posting inappropriate things, soliciting services to gain profit, and exhibiting other behavior which serves to undermine the purpose of the board. It is also my understanding that this particular board is to help other alcoholics and encourage them by sharing our experience, strength and hope.
Thank you, Pappy, for devoting your time to make this a safe place to come to for me and for others. It must be involve a lot of time on your part and at times, I imagine, can be frustrating having to read through all of the postings (particularly the longggg ones, such as mine) and make sure that they adhere to the rules that John has set in place. Your service work in helping me stay sober is greatly appreciated.
-- Edited by leavetherest on Tuesday 19th of January 2016 09:17:02 AM
I have been called names all my life. My self-esteem/confidence have been greatly affected because of it. Kids are not the only ones who name call and it hurts like Hell whether you are a kid and hear that kind of thing or you or an adult and another "adult" does it. I don't think it is funny at all and I don't like anyone taking out their bad mood, day or attitude on me. It took me years to learn that I wasn't the things I was being called and to learn that when someone calls me a nasty word it is more of a reflection on them than it is on me. Ironically, someone who does that kind of thing is suffering from low self-esteem issues and it makes them for some strange reason, feel powerful and better about themselves when they put others down. Online boards make it easier to do that as people can hide behind their computer screens and say things that they probably wouldn't say face to face to someone.
We are alcoholics here at MIP--not whipping ponies--and it is just as easy to be nice to someone as it is to be rude....probably easier to be nice. I used to be afraid to post some things for fear someone would call me something or put me down as has happened in the past. I don't worry about me as much...I'm tough...I keep coming back. My concern is for the newcomers who come here to find encouragement and hope and maybe are fearful to post because they don't want or need anyone putting them down when they already feel so bad about themselves.
-- Edited by leavetherest on Wednesday 20th of January 2016 02:05:18 PM
Hey, Hey, ... lets calm down a bit ... I've been called worse and what Marc said I took in jest, whether he's serious or just be'n comical, no matter ... that stuff don't bother me nor should it ... we can voice what we feel here as long as it doesn't go over the top, so to speak ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
With that kind of repugnant personality I can see why he drinks :)
And the above is what I am talking about. Why must we, as recovering alcoholics, feel the need to insult one another? It's like grade school. And Pappy, I know you are tough. I am concerned about the newcomers and there are ones who have some sobriety time under their belt who just don't want to deal with this kind of obnoxiousness and who have left this site because of it. And that to me is very sad, because those folks were helping others and there are not very many of us left who post on a regular basis trying to help others.
Okay, it's not that I disagree with your train of thought here, but the comments, or jabs, here are mild and, to me, kind of playful at this point ... no harm done unless one takes it that way ... (tolerance) ... the affect on 'new comers' depends on their maturity in the program and whether or not they've worked, or are work'n, the steps or not ...
Agreed, this kind of 'banter', if it dominated the board, would be a definite 'turn-off' ... I cannot see a just reason to start 'delete'n' certain thoughts written here because I don't think them appropriate ... that would be 'censorship', and unless it get's wildly 'out-of-control', then I'll leave it be ... unless I get a message from John tell'n me otherwise ...
Don't forget, WE ARE A GROUP of DRUNKS ... some of the worst society has to offer ... so we don't ALWAYS 'get along' ... But I DO think we have a good bunch of people here who's main goal is to help others who are have'n a hard time stay'n sober ... cause I did, (hard time of it) and maybe they'll ask a question we can answer to help them desire sobriety over their lives that have become 'unmanageable' ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
For now, I will say a word which was popular when my kid was a teenager....."Whatever".
oh...btw...saw that guy's site--I don't know what the girl swimming in the bikini on the top of the pages has to do with staying sober...again...whatever.
People love controversy. It's human nature. I'm not sure of the psychology behind it, but that's just how it is.
Probably has something to do with boredom/excitement. Put the average person on an island, where everything is hunky-dory, nobody ever argues, everything is a-ok, dissenting opinions are kept to oneself, and they'll be bored in no time.
oh...btw...saw that guy's site--I don't know what the girl swimming in the bikini on the top of the pages has to do with staying sober...again...whatever.
EasyOnTheEyes GracefulCreatures with NiceFigures...
Hello,Rob.I do the same thing and then I get stressed to the max and think ok.I will just buy a bottle and black out and worry about it tomarrow,wich never works because when I wake up I am so weak and depressed and hateing myself for it..
Why do you think that is pappy?I drink and I feel like i'm not even drunk,but I pass out and next day find out I was balling(Yes I'm an emotional drinker)on my boyfriend and he tells me I say "It's over!"I think I am more emotional and lonelybecause he is overseas.I always tell him I swear I don't remember and I don't!
Well, first, I highly recommend get'n a BB (Big Book here refers to the 'Alcoholics Anonymous') book ... In that book are 12 steps that we use to change our lives, actually, our whole perspective of life itself ... on page 59 there is a well written "How it Works" section ... if you have any questions, and you will, that's why we're here ... to help others understand what we did to get and stay sober ... Please get a copy and read it, then what we discuss here will make perfect sense ...
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
