I am glad you posted and shared what you are going through on this board. Congratulations on staying sober over 6 years! And without a sponsor most of that time? That's amazing. I don't know that I could do that.....wait a minute...I couldn't...because I had a sponsor and still went out. That happens and I have stopped beating myself up over it.

Until someone with more experience comes on and addresses your post, I will put my 2 cents in.

I am a bit introverted myself (I post far more than I share in meetings). I have become more of an introvert because of some of my experiences within the last year. That is the way I am now. There is nothing wrong with me. Your being introverted is the way you are. There is nothing wrong with you. No one, absolutely no one should make you feel bad or shame about it. It is one thing to suggest and encourage another to try and be more talky with others after meetings. It is another thing for someone, who is sponsoring that person to say what your "sponsor" said to you. That, to me, was heartless, unnecessary and cruel. Another thing is the gossip you said your sponsor does. That is a particularly sore subject for me and I have posted enough about it. I do think it is a huge red flag for a sponsor to gossip about others. That does not show someone, in my opinion, who is emotionally sober. You really have no control who says what about you in and out of AA....you have no control what people think about you in and out of AA. What you do have control of is maintaining your sobriety, continue to make it THE #1 PRIORITY in your life, above and beyond all the sponsor stuff and what other's think about you stuff. I put myself through mental turmoil for awhile and I ended up relapsing because of all the bs I let bother me. I let others have more influence and power over me and lost my focus on what is more important than any of that--my sobriety.

Just be YOU. Instead of thinking and worrying about being "thrown under a bridge" ...try and look at it like you "dodged a bullet", because it is not a sponsor's responsibility to tell us we HAVE to do anything. They are there to help us work the Steps. They can make suggestions. That's it. And it is up to us whether or not these suggestions are right for us. And you don't have to have a sponsor your age. I know of people my age (50's) who have wonderful sponsors in their 20's and 30's.

I would keep going to meetings and not let this one misguided soul and the fear of what others may or may not hear or think about you keep you from doing so. Go to other meetings if you have to. Hold your head up high! Be proud that you have stayed sober for as long as you have.

Just wondering if your sponsor had a point about therapy. Social anxiety seems to be a real problem for some folks and goes beyond the sort of thing that AA is equipped to help you with. Like your sponsor, I am not a therapist and I wouldn't know where to start.

I think also your sponsor is trying to lead you towards the real AA solution, the one that provides permanent contented sobriety beyond our wildest dreams. That doesn't come from being sponsored, it comes from working the steps, having a spiritual experience as the result, and passing on what you have learned to others by being a sponsor.

I thought you sponsor showed some rare common sense and humility, first by recognising his limits, and secondly by trying to open the door to the 4th dimension of existence for you. You could have been saddled with a sponsor who will fix everything for you, until the day he is not available, then your world collapses. I know which I would prefer.

-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Sunday 10th of January 2016 10:25:35 PM

If you do decide to find another sponsor, I hope he will be one who is focused on helping you work the Steps and treats you with respect. Being told to "go and fix yourself and come back to AA when you are grown up" because you didn't follow his order is nasty. "Sargeant Carter" needs to find another Gomer.

I hate the standing around afterwards and visiting afterwards as well. So I do just a little before I bolt for the door. I try not to be rude, just wait for the easiest break point in the conversation and say goodbye and head out. I think I've made it 5 minutes or so.

Hi goingtotry!
I remember when you first came on here because it was very close to the time I did too. It is great to "hear" from you again.

Thanks so much for posting that poem. I have never read it and it is very good and I found it helpful. And thanks so much for coming on here and posting. I've missed you on here, that's for sure.