Good morning all. I have been in and out of these rooms for a long time. Just when I think I got this I dont. Too embarrassing to go back to f2f as I see the way some people look at me. Failure. I'm gonna have to try again somehow to stop drinking again. Thanks for listening.
I've been in and out of AA for many years too ... revolving door kinda thing ... first few times it was hard to return to the meet'ns cause of the very reason you mentioned ... I/we must learn to swallow our 'pride' and drag our butts back through the doors ... for me it meant 'life' or 'death' ...
I was too smart for my own good, I stayed a while, learned a lot, and I just knew I could stay sober on my own ... of course you know, THAT didn't happen ... I drug my sorry A$$ back to the meet'ns ... most of those in there knew what I'd experienced and welcomed me back without judgement ... those that snubbed their noses?, well some of them didn't make it either on the first few trys ...
If you 'honestly' WANT to get and stay sober, I highly suggest you get back into a daily meet'n routine AND get you a sponsor to help you with the steps ... it's your life, so you can chose your own path ... I pray you make the right decisions, I/we DO care about you here ... There should be no one, who's work'n the program here, sit in judgement of your past or present ... we only want to help ...
Love you and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thankyou for encouraging post and thankyou for caring. I know the right path I just have to apply myself and work the steps. God will help me through people like you and others in AA. it's the only way I've ever quit drinking.
Good morning all. I have been in and out of these rooms for a long time. Just when I think I got this I dont. Too embarrassing to go back to f2f as I see the way some people look at me. Failure. I'm gonna have to try again somehow to stop drinking again. Thanks for listening.
TG, we all have different paths in recovery. Here's what Bill W. said in a letter to a person with a situation similar to yours:
"About this slip business --I would not be too discouraged. I think you are suffering a great deal from a needless guilt. For some reason or other, The Lord has laid out tougher paths for some of us and I guess you are treading one of them. God is not asking us to be successfull. He is only asking us to try to be."
As Bill Sees It, p11
If you don't wish to go to a face to face meeting, you might try an online AA meeting. You can go to:
http://aaonline.net/
...where they have at least 4 meetings a day. Also, you can find many other online AA meetings in the meeting directory at:
http://www.aa-intergroup.org/directory.php
Unfortunately, we do not hold meetings here.
Try a meeting as soon as you can. Participation in online AA meetings can be a good thing--and you don't have to face anyone. You are at a crucial stage of recovery and a meeting will help you a lot.
I wouldn't worry about being embarrassed. Like Pappy sez, how many people beat this thing on their first try? Not many. Almost every single person in the AA room has been in and out. They know what it's like. Theyre not going to think any worse of you. If anything, they'll give you a little extra care and attention. If anybody has anything bad to say about it, fuck'em. They ain't worth the worrying about, and they probably have their own issues to sort out. Welcome back. We ain't gonna make fun of you...unless you post a picture of yourself in a clown outfit.
What I used to think of as failure was actually just one more stepping stone to permanent recovery. Each time I found out what didn't work, I moved closer to the solution.
I was at a meeting in another country not long ago, and each sharer introduced themselves by saying their name and that they had been sober since their last meeting. It prompted me to think what I had been sober since. And the answer was I have been sober since I worked all twelve steps and adopted the AA way of life in 10,11,12.
Trisha......Please please don't feel like a failure. You are NOT one. I felt like one too and almost let that and other emotions keep me from going back. In order to stay sober and stay alive--I went back anyway.
Ok.....I didn't get over feeling the negative things about me right away. I went to meetings anyway. And do you know what? I am sure there are other people in the rooms--in every meeting, in every city and state, who feel the same way about themselves. I am positive that every alcoholic in there has felt that way at some point in their sobriety. If everyone stopped coming who has felt like that, the meetings would be completely empty. We have to go back. We have to fill those chairs. Otherwise, most of us would never have a chance of getting sober. Most of us would die.
The doors are wide open. Go on in, gal! You can do it! I did and I feel great now and so glad I didn't let my fears keep me from doing so.
