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Post Info TOPIC: Monday morning..oh dear me!!!
Kaz8375


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Monday morning..oh dear me!!!
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morning all, soz not been on since Friday, gutted...found myself with a miniature vodka Fri night, had a swig but then threw it away, have been torturing myself all weekend about this, but now im in the mind frame of 'i cant change what has happened in the past, so dont beat myself up', could of been worse i suppose. Just feel as though let a lot of people down, especially myself, but today is a new day xx



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Karen
Kaz8375


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Feeling a little low, as tho no-one wants to answer/reply to me, prob just me being daft but need lots n lots of encouragement at the minute...PLEASE xx

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Karen
gonee


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Don't worry too much.

"Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions." AA book pg 63.

ODAAT- One day at a time.


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Kaz8375


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Finding it really hard today, the only words in my head at min, is 'where can i get some money?', and 'i really want a drink', Why am i doing this to myself, because i know that not only do i feel guilty and remorse, but it actually gets a fucking hold of me in such a way, i find myself searching for money again, as i have done so many times before....please please need some encouragement at the moment xxx

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Karen
Kaz8375


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Thanx Gonnee xx

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Karen
gonee


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Will keep you in prayer, Karen. Have some candy or sweet tea if the physical cravings are trouble some.


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gonee


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This too will pass.


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Kaz8375


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Cant express(although i said last week), how tired i feel at moment. Tried to tell my husband but he doesnt understand at all, i know u all gave me advice last week bout feeling tired n emotionally/physically tired after about a week to ten days sobriety, but feeling guilty for feeling tired, not bothered with anything, feeling extremely confused at the min, and cant turn to my husband(or am i just blocking that?), not sure, cause im not a big talker anyway...its bloody ridiculous, cause my husband/soul mate is my best friend but the one person i know deep down i can speak to...for some reason, i just cant, think/in fact i know i am scared of hurting him, cause i love him soooo much xx

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Karen
gonee


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The fact is only one alcoholic can understand another alcoholic. I am married for 33 years and I love my wife dearly, but I can't share with her my alcoholic problem. She simply does not understand.
That's why still attend meetings.


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Tanin


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Kaz, you can be OK...if you do not go back to the old ways.

Maybe go to an online meeting. One begins in 86 minutes (8:30 AM Eastern time) at:

aaonline.net/

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First, deal with the things that might kill you.

 
Pythonpappy


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Morn'n Kaz, ... I know exactly how you feel AND what you're go'n through now ... most all of us do ...

In my past, while trying to get and stay sober, I found myself 'cheating' or just giving up ... My 1st Rehab was 13 years before I actually sobered up ... so I know something about what works and what don't ...

For me:

1 drink set the ball rolling so fast I'd be drunk within an hour and not even know what happened ...

I searched Hi/Lo for money to go buy more (including going through the cars for small change and through my wife's personal space for money I knew she'd hide away ..)

I went through kitchen cabinets and found cooking wine, yuck, and spices that had alcohol ...

I even started drinking mouthwash, and that stuff will only kill us faster ...

etc. etc. etc. ... ... ... Total insanity ...


The only way for me to STOP DRINKING was to go to a meeting everyday after my last rehab ... this time I went to 2 or 3 meetings a day for a while ... you know what they suggested??? ... to go to 90 meetings in 90 days ... I did about 750 in 750 days ... YES, that's right, I was soo bad I went to at least one meeting every day for 2 years ...

I got a good sponsor, worked the steps, got involved with helping out at the meetings and eventually started sponsoring others ...

I suggest you get involved, big time ... it's the only way to get your mind off yourself and get some sanity back ...


We love you here and we want to help, but you need to hear us,
God Bless,
Pappy



-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Monday 21st of September 2015 07:39:58 AM

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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
gonee


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Hi Karen. I pray you are ok. Pappy gave some good ESH. I was fortunate to come into AA at the age of 28. I have been here for 27 years listening to people who came in at my age, but thought they still had some drinking time left. I really don't want to travel that road.
No one said it was easy.

Sobriety is warfare. But the rewards are wonderful. Ask my adult children and my wife.

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BLUESMAN


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Hello Kaz

Have you tried looking in the white pages of the Phone book for AA , 

sometimes we just need to talk to another Alcoholic ,to change what going on with are thinking .

In my early sobriety i thought like you describe , that was the Mental obsession for which i am powerless over ...try not to do this alone there is support out there and here.



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justadrunk


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Hey Kaz - we're here for ya. It's good you shared what you're feeling instead of drinking over it. Lots of us here did 90 meetings in 90 days or more. We felt like you. If we could drink every day, and make room in our life for that, we could get to a meeting every day. For me, the costs of finding daycare and driving were more than 200 dollars per week. Far MORE than I spent on drinking - but I. Was. Worth. It. You are too - and you can do this. We all believe in you. Learning to live a sober life is SO worth it. Keep on now. Alcoholism is simply any voice in your head that gives you permission to drink. You are not alcoholism. It needs to convince your arms and legs to get you alcohol so it can kill you. Don't let it kill you. The real you is awesome under there. xxx

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Thanks for everything.  Peace and Love on your journey.  
Zoomtopz


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I suppose I was lucky when I got sober Kaz.

Close to th city-Sydney , where a lot of us had coffees & meals before & after meetings.

At weekends we would have competitions , of who could get to th most meetings in a day.

As well as th cafe' sessions . And they were/are a meeting within themselves.

Oh . And Yes . We All had to learn to put th whip away & stop beating ourselves up.

Kaz , we are Not bad people . We are Not stupid people . WE Are sick people Getting well.

the analogy I got on day one - If I was diabetic , I monitor my blood & take insulin.

I am alcoholic . I DON'T pick up the 1st drink . I got to Regular AA meetings . I work My programme ,

to the best of MY Ability . I Learned Very quickly , not to judge myself Or others .

I have been a Sailor & long distance Trucker . I AIN'T been appointed a judge - yet . Then why judge .

A simple programme for complicated people . So please Kaz , stop trying to work yourself out .

Accept yourself as a Beautiful And Worthwhile person . Besides God does Not make junk.

She told me .

Yep Kaz . Be You tiful.



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Rick.

@ 37 I was too young & good looking to be an alkie.

still too young , still got th good looks. still n alkie.
GreyGirl


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Sending huge hugs, Kaz!  I'm too early into my recovery to have any super meaningful words of wisdom but I just want you to know, you're not alone  and I understand exactly how you feel.  I was driving to work the other day and this song came on the radio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1JBSQMkQEo (What Faith Can Do by Kutless)  I especially like the lyric:  Even if you fall sometimes / You will have the strength to rise

Even though I don't quite know what my "higher power" is and am not always great with keeping the faith yet, the song made me feel a little better.  Hang in there. :)  *more hugs*



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GreyGirl


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Sorry for another reply so soon but this another song that really has been speaking to me, especially when I'm angry, feeling lost and struggling.  Yes, music has been a HUGE part of me keeping my head on straight this past week. :)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PObshX3I2p0  It's called O' Lord by Smile Empty Soul.  Just wanted to pass it along. 



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