First AA meeting tonight; nervous

GreyGirl · Member

First AA meeting tonight; nervous

gonee · MIP Old Timer

Hi Jenna,
Welcome to the board. Don't be nervous. You are among people who all have a problem with alcohol. We all go to meetings to meet newcomers like you. You are the highlight of our recoveries. Don't over think it. Just go. It's a wonderful experience. I still cherish my 1st meeting in AA.
Well done on making a remarkable decision. Please let us know how it went.

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to this forum, GG. Youre doing it right--thinking about it and asking questions. Here's a page titled Your First AA Meeting:

http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/First_AA_Meeting.html

It may help.

The main thing is that, if you are an alcoholic, you go to that meeting. Best wishes to you in your new road to recovery. Let us know how the meeting goes.

hopefulone · Senior Member

Hi GreyGirl,
The nervousness is natural. Allow yourself to feel it and don't be ashamed about it. I was very nervous...even after coming back to my "first meeting" several times after relapsing.

You can expect to hear stories which can you relate to if you are anything like me. I found a sense of not being so alone in my thinking and behavior. I will tell you that it took me a while before I felt comfortable enough to share. I listened. That is just me and there are newcomers who come and share at first meetings.

I hope you will come back to this board and share how your first meeting went. I would love to hear.

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

My first meeting was pretty awful but I was desperate enough to keep going back, and because like you - I was posting here and everyone assured me repeatedly to just keep going until I found a good one - I trusted these fine folks, and did that. The meetings to follow were so much better... and the rest is history. As you can see, I still use this board - there is a little group of regulars and that makes it nice. I see a log of familiar faces even after all this time :) Lots of people staying sober out there by using this program. Keep us posted on your progress... maybe a little bit about how your day is going each day. We're here for support xxx

GreyGirl · Member

Thank you so much, everyone. I think the replies I received were the only reason I had the courage to get out the door tonight. I just got home and I'd be lying if I said it was the greatest experience of my life. Everyone was very nice but everyone already knows each other in the group, it seems, so it was strange. Of course, this was the first time I've been around people sober in a *long* time so I was too nervous to introduce myself. But I'm going back! I kind of ran out as soon as the meeting was over but hopefully over a few sessions I'll get to know some people.

As a little aside, I wore a new pair of pants and forgot to take the sticker with the size off the back of my leg so everyone got a good look at that. Good think thing it's Alcoholics Anonymous, I guess. ;)

Thanks again. I feel lighter right now. Like I'm actively trying to get better instead of just thinking how much I need to do something to help myself. I'm sure I'll be posting here again. You're all wonderful for giving this girl some much needed confidence to attend meetings.

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

Ya done good, GG. Keep up the good work. And take it one day at a time.

Maybe try a variety of meetings if more are available in your area. There are online meetings, too.

Baba Louie · Senior Member

Grey Girl, soon enough, you'll get to know all those people, too. And you know what? Every newcomer is nervous. But think about it like this: we all remember how nervous we were at our first couple of meetings, so, when we see a new face, we know how they're feeling, and we try to be nice and welcoming. Hopefully, there were some nice welcoming people at your meeting. If not, maybe they were all first timers too, and you were all nervous about each other! Haha...probably not.

glad you went to that meeting. Try your best to go to another one tomorrow. Soon enough, you won't be nervous anymore.

davep12and12 · MIP Old Timer

Awesome, GreyGirl!

If I can offer some suggestions that might make the next meetings a bit easier, these are some of the things that were recommended to me and they really helped:

1. Get there a bit early, maybe 15 minutes, and ask the folks there if they could use any help setting things up for the meeting (setting up chairs, making coffee, etc.). Having something to do can help make us feel at ease, and it gives you an easy way to start talking with folks.

2. Introduce yourself and be sure to tell people that you are new to AA and looking for some help to stay sober (otherwise they may just assume you've been in AA for a while and they just haven't run into you before). They will be happy to help you out because that's what others did for them when they were new. It's just what we do in AA.

3. After the meeting, stick around for a while and ask some folks if they can help you out getting some AA literature. Yeah, you could probably just get it yourself and leave without saying anything to anybody, but again, this gives you a handy way to break the ice and you'll actually be doing THEM a favor by giving them an opportunity to help a new person.

4. Ask some folks if they can recommend some other meetings from the local AA meeting directory, and then when you go to those meetings, you'll already be seeing some familiar faces.

And please keep posting here! We'd love to hear about your progress and cheer you on!

hopefulone · Senior Member

Baba and Dave gave some great suggestions. Keep it up! The sticker thing is no big deal. As my sponsor has said about me getting embarrassed at times, everyone is more concerned about themselves than they are me. I do agree to a degree--I worry more about me than I do others a lot of the time. I have done/said things which made me cringe with embarrassment. I have gotten more embarrassed when something I did or said made others laugh. I used to think they were laughing "at" me. Then I realized that laughter is a good thing and if some of those things helped people laugh, it made me feel good and I learned how to laugh at myself, too so I was laughing with them.

mikef · MIP Old Timer

HONESTY IS THE ANTIDOTE TO OUR DISEASED THINKING...Enjoy the meeting,meet people just like you ,get some numbers( I would hope they give you some) Excellent step to freedom.. smile

Kaz8375 · Veteran Member

Hi greygirl, well done for going to your first meeting, give yourself a huge pat on your back. Im on day eight of my sobriety, i posted on here on my first day and the support i have had has been phenominal, post a little each day as i do, you never know you might even get some comfort from it, let us know how your getting on, well done again hun xx

davep12and12 · MIP Old Timer

Well done, Kaz! Day eight and you're already stepping up to offer help and encouragement to the new person.

Feels pretty good, doesn't it? smile

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Nice one Kaz - helping out already ;) Excellent!

GG - we are here for support 24/7 - keep up the good work! Let us know if you find the Big Book of AA or need helping finding a copy. There should be someone at the meetings who can get you some literature - the Big book is all I had to start with... but there is lots of good stuff.

Kaz8375 · Veteran Member

Yes it does feel good, if i can help someone to feel the way i do then i will try everything in my power to do so xx

hopefulone · Senior Member

Kaz8375 wrote:
Yes it does feel good, if i can help someone to feel the way i do then i will try everything in my power to do so xx

And that is the attitude that is going to help tremendously in keeping you sober. I will have to say having a Higher Power, who is God for me, has been extremely important. Without believing in Him and trusting in His will --not mine--I would probably be drinking now.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

I hope GreyGirl is still with us ... If so, you got a lot of love coming from the posts above ... let us hear from you ...

GreyGirl · Member

I'm still here. :) I made it past day three, totally sober, for the first time in almost five years. I'm nervous for work tomorrow, though. It's a long day and there's a lot of changes happening this week with changing staff. I know I'm going to come home itching for whiskey. But I'll try to stay strong knowing I have people cheering me on.

Today I spent cleaning up my apartment which, I'm embarrassed to say, I let get quite filthy over last year. I finally got my bathroom all nice and clean and it feels really great. Clean space, clear mind, right? I still have lots left to clean but it's finally getting there. I'm also starting one on one therapy next week. Hopefully the therapist and I click and he'll be an extra resource in addition to the meetings I'll be attending. My mother told me she was proud of me for going and I thought on that for a moment before realizing that I was proud of myself, too. And it's been a very long time since I've been proud of myself. I'll let everyone know how tomorrow goes.

And congrats, Kaz! I'm smiling ear to ear for your progress. smile

hopefulone · Senior Member

((((((GreyGirl))))))

So glad you came back here. Congratulations on day 3! That's great!

And learning to deal with stressful days without drinking is part of this. You can do it! There is a great book, Sober Living, which my sponsor gave me and it is filled with helpful suggestions. Helped me a lot. I gave my copy away to a newcomer and need to get me another one. You know something else that helped me was drinking fruit smoothies and herb teas. By having a drink of something else in my hand besides alcohol it really helped. Also candy or something sweet helps with alcohol cravings....very important.

Sounds like you have alot more energy than I did when I first got sober. It was a good while before I got into cleaning much at all. Just taking regular baths and not going to bed with dirty teeth was a huge thing for me. (I'd pass out). I'm grateful to have my chiclets.

And you should be proud of yourself. Keep it up!

Kaz8375 · Veteran Member

Morning all, start of day nine, so proud of myself, so you should be also GG. We both deserve a pat on our backs, well done chick, just keep going to meetings and introduce yourself, you will be loved with open arms, the love in those rooms is like family...it really is unreal xx

peecee · Senior Member

rooting for both of you! Keep up the meetings and positing.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Kaz and GG, ... y'all just got me started on a good day ... always great to get good news 1st thing in the morning ...

Love you guys and God Bless,
Pappy

Kaz8375 · Veteran Member

Thanks Pappy, thats cheered me up, love coming straight back at ya xx

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

GG - check in here when ever you start getting squirly thoughts and find some of Pappy's readings to redirect your mind. You're under and intense onslaught of your brain trying to take you down a habitual path - you have the stop that path short and redirect it. It takes time and training. The desire to drink can hit you side ways until after you get your steps done. I was on the phone with my sponsor telling her I didn't want to drink - while putting alcohol in my cart after the initial pink cloud wore off after a week or 2. But after that crazy, I recommitted to AA and became ready to actually work the steps HONESTLY - leaving nothing out - and I have never had the desire to drink again. In fact the very idea is similar to being near a burning stove. I wouldn't want to touch it! No way!!! My desire to drink has been completely removed as if it never was. Something I could not fathom in the beginning.

-- Edited by justadrunk on Thursday 17th of September 2015 08:49:01 AM

hopefulone · Senior Member

I sure wish my experience had been like justadrunk's. Even after working the Steps I have thought about drinking. I have heard so many other AA'er's say the same thing as me and many who have decades of sober time. There have only been a few I have heard who have shared that the desire to drink was removed. I think that is wonderful for them, I just cannot relate to them when they say that. Did I not work the Steps correctly? I have been told that I didn't do them right. I really don't know for sure. All I know is that because when things are rough (or in my mind they are "rough") I have to be more aware of where I am at, what triggered the thought and be willing to "step" up my work. That means examining my own self, not what I think others are doing "to" me, which has caused me to spend alot of time playing the blame game, rather than working on changing myself. I am not going to say it has been an "easy" road for me. There have been several times where I actually thought about going out and getting a bottle of wine and throwing all my sobriety out the door. My mind, during these times, thinks it really could "use" (not one....) some drinks to calm me down, make me relax. I have to do as we hear in AA, "play it back"....roll those tapes in my mind of what can and probably will happen if I CHOOSE to drink. And it ain't pretty---more jail time, ruining repaired relationships, no chance of ever mending ones still not repaired. Also bringing back in my life those feelings of despair, hopelessness, shame, regret, remorse, lonliness and suicidal thoughts that I had during my last drunkasode.

It is during times such as these and me being willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober, that I realize this program does work. I am not a failure because I had these thoughts, I can get through those "rough" times without picking up a drink again. And each time I do, I feel renewed and have a sense of strength that I didn't think I had. It is empowering and I feel more in control.

Not trying to scare you, OP, just sharing my experiences.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

justadrunk wrote:
GG - check in here when ever you start getting squirly thoughts and find some of Pappy's readings to redirect your mind. You're under and intense onslaught of your brain trying to take you down a habitual path - you have the stop that path short and redirect it. It takes time and training. The desire to drink can hit you side ways until after you get your steps done. I was on the phone with my sponsor telling her I didn't want to drink - while putting alcohol in my cart after the initial pink cloud wore off after a week or 2. But after that crazy, I recommitted to AA and became ready to actually work the steps HONESTLY - leaving nothing out - and I have never had the desire to drink again. In fact the very idea is similar to being near a burning stove. I wouldn't want to touch it! No way!!! My desire to drink has been completely removed as if it never was. Something I could not fathom in the beginning.

-- Edited by justadrunk on Thursday 17th of September 2015 08:49:01 AM

Note to GG, ... should you decide to research some of my old posts, if you go back far enough, you'll also find many of 'jad's posts' right in the middle of them ... (she was a tough 'nut' to crack so to speak, LOL) ... back then we had a lot in common, we were both of the mindset that we were too smart for AA ... since I had a couple years on her, we got along real well ... we both learned the finer points of sobriety together ... and as the BB says, we became best friends, forever (the BB says lifelong friends, but hey, ain't that the same thing???)...

If you haven't discovered yet, this site has a PM section (Private Messaging) where we can have private discussions not shown on the board ... I suggest you try it out with someone you feel you can trust here ... you know, sometimes it's better to keep some things private ... you know, man to man or woman to woman ... and the PM section is great here in that event ... especially when we decide to share Phone #'s and addresses ...

Jad's post is 'right on point' ... get squirrely , DON'T DRINK, ASK FOR HELP ... ... ... (when a person starts drink'n, noth'n makes sense ... alcohol distorts all our thoughts at that point ...) ...

Love ya and God Bless,

Pappy

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

Kaz8375 wrote:
Morning all, start of day nine, so proud of myself, so you should be also GG. We both deserve a pat on our backs, well done chick, just keep going to meetings and introduce yourself, you will be loved with open arms, the love in those rooms is like family...it really is unreal xx

You have ample reason to be proud of your recovery, both of you. We are all proud of you, too. Even Baba Louie.

Keep up the good work.

Baba Louie · Senior Member

Happy, too.

GreyGirl · Member

Just wanted to check in and let you all know I made it through today. It was hard- really, really hard-but on my drive to work I prayed (to God? The universe? I'm still not sure) for help to get through the day. Without getting too specific, let's just say that today went far better than I thought it would in terms of who I was working with and how I felt. It's hard to explain...I just didn't have the anxiety I was waiting for. I know it'll ebb and flow, but I was grateful for today. And sometimes you have to go to bed happy with that.

When I did feel the hints of anxiety creeping into my brain I excused myself from my coworker and, instead of ducking out to a bar, I pulled up this forum and re-read the supportive messages you've all been sending and browsed through some older posts. It was a godsend, I swear.

So, today at just about 3:30pm, I marked my fourth day without a drink.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Hi GG, ... Great job yesterday ... ya know??? ... some very, very amazing things happen when a person begins to pray ... to know there's a power greater than we are and to place some bit of faith in that power causes things to happen that we truly cannot explain ... all I should say here is that when I made praying a habit, my life changed, and it was less difficult to stay away from alcohol ...

I am so happy for you ... just hang in there and you'll be amazed too, soon enough ...

Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy

hopefulone · Senior Member

That's great news, GG.

johnshu452 · Newbie

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