I had 18 years and relapsed a couple years ago. I now have 4 months, but I'm barely going to meetings. Every day I say I'm going to go and I don't. I did a lot of damage on this last run. I had a very full and amazing life prior to my relapse. I was so blessed. I gave back everything God blessed me with - the job, my fiance, my house, all my money and the worst part is I ruined many dear friendships. I have no friends in the program or out really. I sit in my apartment and isolate and I'm afraid to go into a meeting and raise my hand.
I do have a sponsor who I've known for 20 years, and I've been lying to him and telling him I'm going to meetings. My life is so screwed up right now! I'm living with so much remorse and guilt. Is there anyone in the Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley Area that might be willing to go to a meeting with me? Perhaps we can meet at a coffee shop and then go? I'm in Woodland Hills. Please feel free to call or text me at 818-267-7999. My name is Matt and I'm a 40 year old single male. Thanks so much.
The fact that you were able to report your relapse on this forum, means that you are ready to apply the AA program. I would not worry too much about the years of sobriety. We live a daily program. I have done some serious things in my 27 years of sobriety, which I am not proud of. But my focus has always been, on becoming humbled through the 12 steps of AA.
Just go to a meeting again. You will find a newcomer who does not care anything about your relapse. Work with that person. Your 18 years of experience is far more valuable than you think. Working with others takes us out of ourselves. That's one of the reasons I still go to meetings- to help others, irrespective of my circumstances.
I lost my only grandson last month. For 4 months, I watched him on a ventilator. I could not carry him, until the day he passed away. These are painful moments in our sobriety, but God and AA meetings comfort us, and that pain is transformed into a valuable experience to help someone else.
It is a blessing you are reaching out.WE remember we are all "newcomers" to each day and we live with daily recovery based on a fit spiritual condition and not picking up.Honesty is the antidote to our diseased thinking... so I could only suggest speaking truly with your sponsor about where you are at and continue reaching out for help//We are here for each other no Big I's or little U's and "sometimes after we have had involvement in the fellowship,a relapse may be the jarring experience that brings about a more rigorous application of the program.Relapses usually have precursors to picking up that first one..Take a look inside and see what brought you to that situation and do whatever it takes to remain free of active addiction..Let us know how its going....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
As you know, AA is not a program of years, but of days, today is all any of us have ... there is no guarantee of a tomorrow ... It took me a long time to realize this and that if I wanted a different life, I had to start 'today' ... you know the program and how it works ... and if you want those goods days you had back when you 1st got sober, you know what you should do ... get yourself back to meetings, preferably 90 meetings in 90 days ... just do it ...
If you are not 'willing' to make this change in your life today, then nothing will change for you ... and as much as it pains me to say this, I've lost some very good friends because they just couldn't see themselves changing ... you know what the good life is and you know the worse life has to offer ... only you can make the decision which path it is you wish to take ... I pray that you chose the right path .... and you know which path that is ... so just do it, you won't regret it ...
We love you here and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Welcome to this forum, Matt. I hope you continue to stay sober. If you can't seem to get yourself to regular meetings, maybe try an online AA meeting or two. There are 4 AA meetings a day over at:
http://aaonline.net
AA encourages members to attend online meetings--to share with others and to help each other.
Staying sober alone is generally quite difficult. Staying sober with others who have the same problem as you, Matt, is more doable.
I had 18 years and relapsed a couple years ago. I now have 4 months, but I'm barely going to meetings. Every day I say I'm going to go and I don't. I did a lot of damage on this last run. I had a very full and amazing life prior to my relapse. I was so blessed. I gave back everything God blessed me with - the job, my fiance, my house, all my money and the worst part is I ruined many dear friendships. I have no friends in the program or out really. I sit in my apartment and isolate and I'm afraid to go into a meeting and raise my hand.
I do have a sponsor who I've known for 20 years, and I've been lying to him and telling him I'm going to meetings. My life is so screwed up right now! I'm living with so much remorse and guilt. Is there anyone in the Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley Area that might be willing to go to a meeting with me? Perhaps we can meet at a coffee shop and then go? I'm in Woodland Hills. Please feel free to call or text me at 818-267-7999. My name is Matt and I'm a 40 year old single male. Thanks so much.
Matt
Hi Matt,
Relapse happens. To prevent another one, I had to go to meetings. Sure I was embarrassed, guilty, and ashamed of people seeing me and knowing I had not stayed sober. I had to get over myself and my fears. Making sobriety my #1 priority meant not worrying what others thought (most of them had relapsed--we even had someone with 30+ years of sobriety go out and come back in recently). By not being preoccupied with fear of "others" and staying focused on my own sobriety and not using "others" as an excuse to stay out of the meetings, is what has kept and is keeping me sober. I had to keep in mind that all those fears I had of what people thought, my mind was using as excuses to keep me from going to much needed meetings which are vital for my sobriety.
You were sober for 18 years so you know how this works. Glad you came back.
