I thought I was going to be getting off PC for today, but oh well.
Had some thoughts about the word Trust, more than a word, it is what can keep something between two people alive, and without the Trust, you will have NOTHING left to keep it in tact, kind of like the glue holding it together.
Trust starts a relationship, and the betrayal of that Trust will terminate or severely damage any relationship. Main ingridient is missing..... like keeping the baking powder out of a cake and expecting it to still rise. Won't work.
My last little tidbit for the day. Hope everyone is well, and having a good day.
I'm not counting,, and I appreciate your participation on this board,,, and that you monitor it for when someone comes in in a crisis.
Now there is a topic that is deep,,, and that I'm sure we'll have differing ideas about.
I have to be honest. I have a lot of difficulty with trust. And I've read and heard that people who have suffered severe child abuse from an early age by their own parents tend to lack trust.
We can start by defining the term. What do we mean by 'trust'? And is any relationship hopeless without trust? What about taking calculated risks? What about letting one's self be a little vulnerable to being hurt anyway?
I had such an awful time with Step 3. It was quite a struggle for me to come to trust God enough to turn anything over to Him for even a second. In fact.. for that first second I didn't trust Him at all,,, but was so desperate that I had nothing to lose. I was able to do Step 2,,, I did believe in a God who could restore me to sanity... but.. would he? What would He do if I put myself under his care and let go of what control I had?
Well,, I have come to trust God now,,, but He is the only one I trust. The rest,, are calculated risks, and allowing myself to be vulnerable to being hurt.
You guys might want to jump on me for that,,, see? my trust level says you might ... but I posted it up anyway. There is a Spanish expression,, "vale la pena", which means "it is worth the pain". Some things are worth the pain.
love in recovery,
amanda
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 15:41, 2006-03-04
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 15:49, 2006-03-04
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
It's a couple of hours later now,,, and I have to say,,, I got a craving,,, this is a big trigger for me, the 'vale la pena'... Indians say, "It is a good day to die". Sometimes I go into situations knowing I can't trust the people, for whatever reason, in fact, sometimes I know that someone there hates me,,, but sometimes,, sometimes,,, if I think it would do some good,,, I go and I try ....
and I do get hurt... it hurts... and I want to drink the pain away.
okay,, so I got a craving,,, didn't drink,,, and now I am feeling,,, and crying....
I wasn't allowed to cry when I was young... mom gave me sleeping pills and libriums,,, to numb the pain.. cuz that's what she did..
see ya later,
amanda
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Hi there, trust is a huge deal to most alcoholics, I think. Learning to trust, i.e. turn my life over to God took me months. I was soooooooo afraid!! And, I am still dealing with a lot of trust issues, I think the key is trusting myself. When I trust myself to see things as they are, rather than the way I would like them to be, and see people in the same way, than I don't have unrealistic expectations of situations and people. It is the old learning to use the "gut" feeling. There are some people I choose to stay away from, I don't want the hassle of trying to figure out if they are going to be trustworthy "this time". And then there are lots of people that add to my life in certain areas, and we relate, but I don't count on them for other things. And, then I have some close friends that I can be really real with and they are special to me. I put a lot of energy in those relationships as they are few and far between, and so worthwhile in my life. Picking out the ones to put your energy into and the ones you shouldn't can be a trial. Slow and easy, I think, is how I do it.
No jumping on you Amanda, in my life, trust and fear have been interchangeable emotions, it is tough.
Thanks Toni for the subject, allowed me to put some order to my thoughts.
