I was curious about a couple of folks who no longer are on this board. I was saddened to see they either deleted their acct. or haven't posted in a long time. I hope the folks I looked up are still sober. It would be great for them to come back and say all is well with them. The boards I am on are like meetings for me. When the same people come on a regular basis and then stop, I wonder how they are doing. I am changing a particular meeting place I have been going to since sober. It is sad for me. I have been attending this meeting place since I first got sober. The meetings I attend there, however, I have ended up feeling worse than better afterwards. I talked it over with my sponsor who thought it would be good for me to go to different ones. I realized that it is okay to take a break from a board or a particular meeting sometimes, I just can never take a break from sobriety.
-- Edited by hopefulone on Wednesday 12th of August 2015 08:43:18 AM
-- Edited by hopefulone on Thursday 13th of August 2015 11:48:47 PM
Meetings imo are about fellowship primarily. The program is a design for living that works in a meeting place just like any place. I came up with a slogan for myself a while back: "if I have a problem with someone... I have a problem"
So what can I me do about it?
Sometimes acceptance means moving out of the way for a person place group etc to get to a bottom. Sometimes it means leaning into that prickly one with love. After all... the prickly ones are the sickest and need the most love. Sometimes it doesn't require my attention in the first place! s I am free to find a spiritual solution anywhere. Usually I find that these obstacles are really awesome growth opportunities. I like those actually.
Letting go takes practice. So does staying. It's all learning xxxxhugsxxxx
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I agree, JAD. The meetings are just a place to hang out with others that are just like us. Make a couple of friends, aquiantences, hear a couple of stories, maybe talk to someone afterward who is new, or talk to someone with long-term sobriety. For me, it's not my anchor. It's just a place to go, to remind myself that I'm not alone in this. Maybe hear something new, or learn something new. I can learn from anybody. 30 days sober, or 30 years sober. Same thing with my guitar. I've been playing a long time, but I can learn something from anybody, even a beginner. I might be watching some guy play, who's only been doing it for a few years, but he's gonna play something in a way that I've never thought about, and I can take that and say "wow, I never phrased that scale, or fingered that chord in that position that way. Glad I saw that." and it opens new doors. Same thing with meetings.
One of the advantages, for me, and let me stress that, FOR ME, of only going to meetings every couple of weeks, is that nobody gets to really know me well enough to get comfortable enough to pry into my life. I love AA, and I love AA rooms, but, as it is whenever you get a group of people together all the time, there is drama. And it goes like that everywhere in life, not just AA rooms. Just look at those dumb TV reality shows, and I dont have to say anymore.
Hope, you think too much. A long time ago, I was having anxiety issues. (Didn't realize back then it was the alcohol causing it). So, I went to see a doctor. Told him "doc, I'm nervous all the time, overwhelmed and all". You know what he told me? He said " don't think so much". It sounds simple, and anybody could have said it, but it's so true. To this day, I remember that. Simple words, but effective.
I used to have this girlfriend. She wasn't the brightest. She used to say to me, "I'd hate to be in that brain of yours, you're always thinking about shit". At the time, I thought "well, I'd hate to be in that brain of hers, cause it's empty". But you know what? She was always happy. Nothing seemed to bother her. Maybe she was brighter than I was.
Theres gurus and meditation yogis and monks and hippies (I'm kind of hippie), and they do all these rituals and studies and meditation stuff to be able to clear their mind, so they can be in a state of relaxation and happiness. They try not to THINK TOO MUCH.
Take a clue from my old doctor, my old girlfriend, and all these self-help meditation gurus, Hope, and relax, and DONT THINK TOO MUCH.
(it's one of the reasons we all drank all the time, cause we think too much, and alcohol allowed us to escape our tortured minds. Problem was, we escaped to a place called "Hell")
Now I've got to start my practice. I usually start at about 9, and finish at 2 or 3 am. Working on combining the Dorian mode with the Mixolydian mode, and trying to add elements of the Locrian mode to spice up my improvisations. JAD knows all that stuff.
I will, eventually, JAD. I've got 1 more year of intense practice to go.
You see, I've been playing all my life. But drinking got in the way of really becoming a top-notch player. my practices, by myself, or with a band, always consisted of either an 18 pack of beer, big bottle of wine, or whiskey. How are you going to remember anything you practiced, when you're so bombed, you can't even remember to tie yer shoes? I practiced a lot, played in bands, but everything was a fog. I always started off real good when playing with other people, but that lasted about an hour. Once the alcohol really kicked in, I was worthless. Sloppy. Playing like a beginner. Actually, worse than a beginner.
So, last year, when I decided I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, I made a commitment to myself, that I would start taking this instrument seriously, and practice hard, and re-learn and learn all the stuff I never did, for 2 years. 2 years of intense practice, every day, at least 4 hours, sometimes 8-10. (If it's raining out, I can't work, so, I just play all day).
Im a year into it, and I've stuck to my commitment. I put my practice first, before anything else. And I mean ANYTHING else.
You know, years ago, I was in an awesome situation, with a drummer, keyboard player, and bass player. All very talented musicians. We wrote our own material, pretty complex music, on the lines of old (early 70s) Yes, Genesis, and King Crimson, but with modern sounds (our keyboard player had a Kurzweil K-2000, and she had this big electric piano, like the size of a baby grand, a Yamaha CP 80 or 90 I think it was called.) Anyway, they were very dedicated, very serious, and so was I, or so I thought at the time. But I always had a liter of Jim Beam for every practice. (I would drink about 2/3rds of it before practice was over). And after about an hour, my playing and creativity went to shit. Why they put up with me for so long like that, I'll never know. They weren't big drinkers.
Now, all these years later, I feel like an ass for pretty much wasting their time. They could have found another guitar player, someone who was really serious, and didn't get shit-faced at every rehearsal. The past is the past, and I don't dwell on it, but it bothers me when I think about it, to think what could have been if I wasn't an alkie.
So, the new me has replaced alcohol with intense practice. It helps me to not drink (although, I rarely think about it anymore, the desire has been lifted). I enjoy playing so much, i always have, and now more than ever. Of all the regets I have about my drinking days, my biggest one is that I wasted so many years not really getting much better on my instrument. It's like I hit a certain level, and stayed there. To progress beyond that level, I need to have my head level. Finally, it is.
i can't turn back the clock. If I could, things would be way different. I just can't believe that I let that shit control my life for so long. I never even realized it till towards the end, how bad I was, and how much it has negatively affected my life. I thought I was just partying. Yeah, right.
I was curious about a couple of folks who no longer are on this board. I was saddened to see they either deleted their acct. or haven't posted in a long time. I too went off here for a while. Came back and changed my name.
Darn it, Tanin... I deleted some of my whiney postings the other day. When I realized that older posts by members were being dug up and being posted, I thought I sure didn't want any of my old ones posted again, so I deleted my post with my old ID where you asked me above what it used to be.
You caught me! I see you came back and "added" my name yesterday to the old avatar pic you dug up, you little rascal, you.
Oh well. I had a rough month's worth of crap and feel better now. I was just trying to "clean up my side of the board" by getting rid of my discouraging posts as some of them didn't sound like they were offering ESH to newcomers. I guess if someone on here doesn't get their fill of whining, can't stop 'em if they want to go a diggin' , so post away! That's what my daily inventory is for. (And, hey I am actually doing it now!!!
One of the advantages, for me, and let me stress that, FOR ME, of only going to meetings every couple of weeks, is that nobody gets to really know me well enough to get comfortable enough to pry into my life. I love AA, and I love AA rooms, but, as it is whenever you get a group of people together all the time, there is drama. And it goes like that everywhere in life, not just AA rooms...
Meeting attendance is not required in the program of Alcoholics. If you find advantages in attending only a few, then you should act accordingly. To thine own self be true. Some members don't go to any meetings.
What are some of the other advantages of infrequent attendance, BL?
-- Edited by Tanin on Saturday 15th of August 2015 08:05:03 PM
Well,Tanin, another advantage for me, is that when I do go, it's fresh. I'm kind of excited every time. If I went everyday, or every couple of days, it would get redundant, and turn into a regiment. I don't like regiments. I don't like to do the same things day in, and day out. I like spontanaity, I don't like routines. But that's just me. It works for me. What works for one person might not work for another.
I can't make suggestions to anybody else on how frequently they should attend. I haven't been sober long enough to do that. Whatever works for somebody to keep them sober is what I suggest. If you're going to meetings everyday, and you're not picking up, then, like they say, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it".
personally, for me, and, LET ME BE CLEAR: (haha, President Obama always says that) FOR ME....I find that if I go to meetings all the time, I think about drinking more. Not thinking in a way that I'm tempted to drink, but just thinking about alcohol, and alcoholics, and everything that goes along with drinking. And in my normal day, it doesn't cross my mind too often. I think about it a little while I'm posting here, but it's a little different. It's not so intense and overwhelming. I don't want to dwell on my alcoholism. I want to be free from it. And if I'm constantly thinking about it, then, I'm not truly free.
Im lucky in a sense, that I don't wake up and crave alcohol anymore. I actually rarely crave it. The only time I crave it, is after a hot day of working outside in the sun, it's brutal down here in Florida in the summertime, and if it's 95 degrees out, and I'm welding, working with hot steel and flame, torches, and plasma arcs and sparks and all that stuff, then it's like 130 degrees around my work area, and after I'm done, sometimes, (not everyday or anything), I think about how good an ice cold beer would taste. But that's just because I'm hot and thirsty, and worn out from a hard, hot day of working. Instead, I guzzle down a big pitcher of ice tea, or ice coffee, and then the beer thought goes away, instantly. Turns out, I was just super thirsty. And the craving an ice cold beer thing is probably only because I did it for so long, cold beer after work, it was kind of like a regiment, or routine. But I don't crave the effect of alcohol at all.
I can't drink alcohol anymore. Ever. And I don't want to. I also don't want to think about it all the time.
Hey all,
I used to post on this board a ton. Actually, it was my first real step into sobriety. I decided to read through some posts and saw this one, and just wanted to say hello :)
Adam
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
Great to see you both :) This has always been such a good space, and I distinctly remember you all helping me get through a few whoppers. Updates soon!
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
piano guitar motorhome
postings the other day. When I realized that older posts by members were being dug up and being posted, I thought I sure didn't want any of my old ones posted again, so I deleted my post with my old ID where you asked me above what it used to be. 
LOL!