Being alone and feeling vulnerable. Like two separate themes, these two parts of myself unite in my being and sow the seeds of my longing for unconditional love. --Mary Casey
How easily we slip into self-doubt, fearing we're incapable or unlovable, perhaps both. How common for us to look into the faces of our friends and lovers in search of affirmation and love.
Our alienation from ourselves, from one another, from God's Spirit, which exists everywhere, causes our discontent. It is our discontent. When souls touch, love is born, love of self and love of the other. Our aloneness exists when we create barriers that keep us separate from our friends, our family. Only we can reach over or around the barriers to offer love, to receive love.
Recovery offers us the tools for loving, but we must dare to pick them up. Listening to others and sharing ourselves begins the process of loving. Risking to offer love before receiving it will free us from the continual search for love in the faces of others.
I won't wait to be loved today. I will love someone else, fully. I won't doubt that I, too, am loved. I will feel it.
Rick ---- this could not have been posted at a better time. You see, I am in the beginning of a new relationship and I have noticed that most of the barriers that were once there, are gone now. Since I have quit drinking I have noticed that almost everything is changing for the better. I look back to the person that I once was (and do not want to be again) and realize how awful she (I) was. If I had met this otherself on the street today, I would keep on walking, because to be honest and truthful I hate who I was. I have the tools now to look someone straight in the face and tell them exactly how much I love, care for them and mean it. I guess this is letting my barriers down and it feels good to finally be able to do that.
Rick, thanks for this. I've really struggled to keep my balance emotionally these last weeks.
I felt so powerless. Then, this morning while walking and wondering "how did this happen to me? I remembered that unfinished amends that I never did.
Hit me like a strong wave. That was why I felt alone. How poorly I had treated him and my co-workers. As soon as I got back I fired off an apology to my former employer. I will try the co-workers tonight by phone. I know this is the key. I humbly asked Him to remove the defects in me that are the cause of all my current strife. I feel on the right track again. Yes, we have to use them. I realized I can't let stuff go by. I will need to revisit this often, to ensure that I don't slide back into a fear mode. So I am so glad you posted this. Thanks again. -paul
