Hi Guys, I used to post a lot to the board in early days but started going to f2f meetings and I make about about 5 a week so online has taken a back seat. I do read from time to time and it does give me great support. I am 5 years now and this board was where it started for me so I will always be grateful. At the moment I have put off an important thing to do and am suffering as a result of fear, anxiety and stress, but today I need to take action on this as it is causing me intense distress.
I try to think was I as bad when I drank and am constantly comparing past with present. I have a great life today but feel a failure at times and the little stuff get me down. My two sons are well and that is no small part due to my sobriety. I can and have supported both financially and emotionally as young adults, something I could never do when they were growing up and I was in active addiction.
I need prayers today and courage to take action as living in a funk belongs to my drunk past and not my sober present.
Good Morning Maire Rua, I love AA meetings and sure could not have stayed sober without them. Some can I have heard. Not me. The fellowship in the meetings has become a part of my life. The "meeting before the meeting", looking at the faces of others in the room and hearing their shares cannot be replaced by computer interactions--for me.
I can relate about procrastinating. I am bad about that as well....or better to say I am really good at it. I realize that most of mine comes from fear. At last night's meeting we talked about fear. I have taken one acronym meaning (fear everything and run) too seriously sometimes. I realize I should take another meaning more seriously--face everything and rise.
I try not to dwell on my past and compare myself to where I am now. I think of my past actions as learning experiences. I know that I have to stay sober so I don't do those things that I did back then. I do pray everyday for God's guidance and that His will be done. I try not to beat myself up for not getting something done. Maybe I think it should be done and God has another plan for me. When I feel a strong instinct to do something, I try and pay attention to it, because as a friend in AA told me, he thinks it may be his HP letting him know it has to be done. I am grateful that the most important thing that I have done each day is that I have stayed sober.
You mentioned you feel down and feel like a failure sometimes. When I feel like that I try to remember to make a gratitude list of everything positive and all that I have now, which I didn't have when I was drinking. I have to be aware that when I was drinking I was constantly telling myself I was a failure and a good for nothing and that made me want to drink more. So when I notice myself getting back into that mindset I have to pray more. Everyday I pray the Serenity Prayer (sometimes several times when my head is a bit stubborn) and everyday I pray that God's will be done in my life. My will has not worked for me in the past. When I try and think it does is when I am headed in the wrong direction. I pray for those I love. I not only pray to get over resentments I have towards other people and things--I pray to get over any resentments I have towards myself. This is very important to me because I tend to be forgiving of others and hold onto guilt and shame I feel towards myself, which can cause me to relapse if I let it.
I will keep you in my prayers, Maire Rua.
-- Edited by hopefulone on Saturday 13th of June 2015 07:51:56 AM
Good to see you again...Great work on 5 years.....I would suggest speaking with your sponsor on important issues that you may be able to get some ESH. we REMEMBER WE HAVE A STRONG 3rd step IN OUR LIVES AND ITS AN ACTION ONE. WE make "a decision" turn it over to the 'CARE' of your Higher Power,,take action and let your HP take care of the results...I will lift you up in support and prayer.Have a blessed and productive day.
__________________
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Good to see you back here on the board maire rua, ...
My first thought was that you're about to do a step 8/9 ... ... ... or something closely related ... I know those steps were about the hardest for me to complete ... but you know the old AA saying, alcoholics are the world's worse at making mountains out of mole hills ... I know I was ... but the relief that came from just 'doing it' was immense ...
So I'm not sure just what it is you're referring to, but putting off something that we know, deep down, we must do will always make this thing more difficult ...
Congrats on 5 years ... this is a biggie ...
Missed see you around ... don't be a stranger ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
