I am posting in an effort to understand how to restore my life after acquiring 2 DUIs in just two years. I am only 25 years old. I have clearly made some stupid mistakes. I do not drink often, but when I do, I have no control over how many I have. I have never done illegal drugs before, don't even smoke. I am in the process of completing an associate's degree at my community college. Throughout my 2 DUIs, my grades have never suffered. I have been on the dean's list multiple times, with a GPA close to 4.0. So here I am, checking each requirement off the long checklist of things to do because of my 2nd DUI. I've completed a lot. I have no desire to drink. Except, I am left with this horrible cloud over my head of having 2 DUIs on my record. How am I supposed to get a good job? How am I supposed to look to the future now? Job interviews are pressuring enough, now I have to remind myself I need to explain my record to every employer and hope that they don't just throw my application away. I worked so hard in school. I wanted a good life for myself, but am now forever branded. I am taking my alcohol highway safety classes, required by the court, and they lecture on alcohol addiction and learning from mistakes, but they fail to address the difficulties of finding a job with multiple convictions on your record. It is damn hard to be optimistic when you have these things working against you. I feel like my schooling was for nothing. I feel like nobody is going to take me seriously for job prospects. What is one supposed to do to repair this kind of damage? I am so young and I feel like I will never have a normal life now.
Sister welcome to the board and to the fellowship of AA. You don't mention if you have made it into our meeting rooms yet so if you haven't let me suggest that you do as early as possible. Not only did the program keep me from drinking again, it rebuilt my confidence and self awareness which helped me to be a grand employee no matter where I got a job thereafter. Alcoholism is a AMA categorized disease and not a sin though we alcoholics have done some really unacceptable immoral stuff under the influence. In the program we discover how to handle those things and lay aside the shame and guilt which often times come after it. We learn also how not to attempt living without booze without the help of others who have learned before use including sponsors and a Power much Greater than ourselves.
There is no such thing as "No Hope" to a recovering alcoholic...that is my experience while at first I thought there was none however I was as wrong as what I am listening to now. Store that thought first and see if you can get to as many open AA meetings as you can over the next 90 days. Keep and open mind, listen, learn and practice, practice, practice. Change your attitude a tweak...you're not failing...you're learning something you haven't yet and you have confirmed that there is a suggestion "don't drink and drive" oh and you knew that one before the first time...which after that I learned when I drink my mind and mood changes and then there are no rules or good grades. It just screwed me up...don't take the first one and go meet the fellowship...keep coming back here also.
Welcome to the board, we are all family here. First thing to do is accept that you are human and forgive yourself. Next realize that this is not the end of the world. Just imagine if the person who was interviewing you, was one of us . It's entirely possible, AA members hold all kinds of positions in every industry, market, Govt. Business, military.... I own a business and hire alcoholics regularly. A lot of them don't know that they are alcoholics and most don't know that I am. The Catholic Priest that presided over both of my weddings (I got an annulment from the first ;) ) were alcoholics, the first one had 25 years sober, the second hadn't finished drinking yet. A third recovering Priest heard my 5th step. Forgive yourself and pray for your Higher Power's grace and "you'll be surprised before you are halfway through..."
Welcome to the forum. But from your comment, it's not clear to me what you are trying to accomplish and what kind of help you are seeking.
Do you want to stop drinking and stay sober? We can help with that. If that's what you want help with, just ask.
Do you want to drink, but without problems, and somehow gain the ability to always control and enjoy your drinking and be able to reliably predict what will happen when you drink? The description you gave about your drinking sounds like the classic indications of alcoholism, and if that's your problem, you'll need to give up on that kind of goal and come to terms with the fact that alcoholics simply do not gain the ability to control and enjoy their drinking and gain the ability to reliably predict what will happen once they start drinking. For someone with alcoholism, the solution is to find a way to stay sober. If you want to continue drinking, that's entirely your choice, but I don't think anyone can help you figure out how to do that successfully.
Are you intending to continue drinking and just trying to minimize the repercussions of your drinking and the negative impact it is now having on your attempts to get a job? Again, that's not something that people here will likely be able to help you with.
But you don't have to figure this all out right this minute. It's perfectly understandable for someone in your position to be unsure about what they want to do about all of this. I would encourage you to get to several AA meetings right away, and listen to what people there are saying. If you find it confusing, stick around after the meeting and ask questions to the other folks there, preferably folks who have some experience staying sober for a while.
-- Edited by davep12and12 on Tuesday 28th of April 2015 06:06:56 PM
-- Edited by davep12and12 on Tuesday 28th of April 2015 06:07:18 PM
Some very good advice, suggestions, has already been given ... so I will add a bit more ... what I hear is that you have a problem with alcohol, when you drink, you have no control over the amount you drink ... and go on to make some bad decisions ...
This may be the best day of your life, cause you have just cracked open the door to the solution to your current dilemma ... we look at life by not having a drink today, it's a 'one day at a time' deal for us ... and I pray you WILL go to some meeting and listen to those things that you can relate too ... listen to the 'Promises' that are read at every meeting ... the only thing you need to admit to is the first step ...
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery: 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.
You're perhaps a little young to have an unmanageable life, but I felt that's the way you feel right now by what you said above ... this is the PERFECT time to checkout AA ... and learn how you can turn your life around BEFORE you become TOTALLY out-of-control ... and lose everything ...
Love you and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
There is always hope!! Alcoholism doesn't discriminate, it can affect people of any age, young or old. I would suggest putting the past behind you by not repeating the same actions that caused trouble for yourself. Make changes in your lifestyle for the positive! If drinking gets you in a bad situation...go to a meeting instead. You will learn from those who have been there before you. There is a LOT to learn in the rooms of AA. Never lose hope! Best wishes to you!
Hello SS! Glad to have you hear with us. I'm not sure from your post whether drinking is still an option for you(in your mind)? Having little control over the amount you drink may be a sign of a problem. Can you not drink under you're on devices(will power)? Some heavy or binge drinkers can stop with sufficient reasons. Is this sufficient enough? If you feel you cannot stop from picking up that first drink, you may be an Alcoholic and we can help. The solution is the AA 12-program. This board is a good supplement to the AA diet.
If it's just a matter of what to do now because you have no license- well, first is to forgive yourself. You made a mistake and it's not the end of the world. You still have your freedom, just no license. Many lose their freedom and choices are made for them. Be grateful you're not in this category. Finding solutions within your current parameters. Many job don't require a license. You'll just need to find a way to and from your employment. It may be you'll need temporary employment until you get your license back. Your 25, very young and have many years ahead of you. With the right choices you'll have you're license back in time and this will just become part of your experience.
I thank each of you for your responses. For those asking about AA and my intent with drinking, the answer is that I've been to many AA meetings, and I can easily not drink. It was just that, after my first DUI, I thought I still COULD drink, just be smarter about it. It wasn't until it was my 2nd time around that I realized that I have a compulsion once I start drinking; alcoholism runs in my family. I learned that 50 percent of all recovering alcoholics come from a family of alcohol. I learned that after one's first DUI, the likelihood of a repeat offense skyrockets for some reason. I do not want to be part of the statistics.
It is difficult for me to forgive myself. I should have known better. I should have learned the first time. There is a quote, that things do not go away until you learn what you're supposed to learn from them..
I have severe dips in confidence. Some days I greatly struggle with looking to the future. I think I'll never get a good job because I have to explain my DUI's to every employer now. Why would an employer hire someone with a record over someone with no record? If I'm so smart, how did I land myself two DUI's?
I also learned in my classes that, with this record I will be unable to travel to foreign countries, like Canada or Mexico. They will not let someone in with a DUI record because of how much they look down on that. No matter how much time has passed! What ever happened to forgiveness and compassion in society, from learning from your mistakes, from serving your time and getting another chance? That doesn't seem right.
Some days I feel like I wish I could have a do over of my life and my motivation is out the window. Some days I am able to enjoy the little things and not harp so much on the job situation.
I am posting in an effort to understand how to restore my life after acquiring 2 DUIs in just two years. I am only 25 years old. I have clearly made some stupid mistakes. I do not drink often, but when I do, I have no control over how many I have. I have never done illegal drugs before, don't even smoke. I am in the process of completing an associate's degree at my community college. Throughout my 2 DUIs, my grades have never suffered. I have been on the dean's list multiple times, with a GPA close to 4.0. So here I am, checking each requirement off the long checklist of things to do because of my 2nd DUI. I've completed a lot. I have no desire to drink. Except, I am left with this horrible cloud over my head of having 2 DUIs on my record. How am I supposed to get a good job? How am I supposed to look to the future now? Job interviews are pressuring enough, now I have to remind myself I need to explain my record to every employer and hope that they don't just throw my application away. I worked so hard in school. I wanted a good life for myself, but am now forever branded. I am taking my alcohol highway safety classes, required by the court, and they lecture on alcohol addiction and learning from mistakes, but they fail to address the difficulties of finding a job with multiple convictions on your record. It is damn hard to be optimistic when you have these things working against you. I feel like my schooling was for nothing. I feel like nobody is going to take me seriously for job prospects. What is one supposed to do to repair this kind of damage? I am so young and I feel like I will never have a normal life now.
The feelings of regret, remorse and low self esteem which have resulted from your behavior while you were drinking are EXACTLY the kinds of things that we address when we thoroughly work the twelve steps of AA with a good sponsor who has lots of experience with these and can show us how it's done. You mentioned that you have attended AA meetings, but are you regularly attending them NOW? Do you have an AA sponsor and are you actively working together on the twelve steps?
I know that your first reaction to this may be 'how the heck is that going to fix this problem of not having a frikken drivers license?' Here's the thing - you'll get the drivers license back at a specific point in time, regardless of whether you feel like crap about yourself and your life every day until then, or whether you take the ACTION to recover from your current outlook on life, drop the shame and remorse and increase your self esteem and actually feel GOOD about yourself and your life. Your concerns about foreign travel etc. are just not an issue that you need to be concerned about TODAY. You need a plan and some actions to assure that your thoughts and feelings that are bothering you get resolved so you don't end up drinking over this yet again. First things first.
Hello and Welcome to MIP.............As titled MIP In recovery we are Miracles In Progress...WE have found 100% acceptance and admission to our 1ST STEP and the willingness to do the daily work,keeps us moving forward ,ONE DAY AT A TIME free from active addiction.. Projections of the "What ifs' and what will happen in the future is a true deterrent to our recoveries.WE always suggest making meetings but our Goal is not just abstinence but recovery through the applications of the STEPS in all areas of our lives. WE also know that those who value sponsorship(http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf) get the most from our program.If you believe you are alcoholic,give all aspects of the Program a chance..Hope to hear more from you//WE are here for each other not Big I's or Little U's ,just one helping another in a loving and caring manner...WE can identify and based on our own evidence, and know daily recovery is possible and a life better than you have ever known is at hand,,not a magic bullet,will take work but the rewards speak for themselves.Stick around ..WE need you..........
__________________
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
DUIs are misdemeanors in most cases. I believe it may become a felony at the 3rd or 5th one depending on the state. It may also depend on level of intoxication and other things, but usually they are misdemeanors. Hence, in the many jobs I've applied for, most of them only asked about convicted felonies. So I am not sure what you are worrying about with jobs.
That is not to say that you shouldn't take this seriously and I know you are. Others asked some good questions. "Going to many meetings" doesn't mean much if you felt you weren't ready for them at the time or only went because of your DUIs and not because you really wanted to stop drinking. It wasn't until I went to AA with the intention of reaching out for help, following suggestions, getting a sponsor, and working the steps that it really worked and became a recipe for good sober living for me.
. It's entirely possible, AA members hold all kinds of positions in every industry, market, Govt. Business, military.... I own a business and hire alcoholics regularly. A lot of them don't know that they are alcoholics and most don't know that I am. The Catholic Priest that presided over both of my weddings (I got an annulment from the first ;) ) were alcoholics, the first one had 25 years sober, the second hadn't finished drinking yet. A third recovering Priest heard my 5th step. Forgive yourself and pray for your Higher Power's grace and "you'll be surprised before you are halfway through..."
