I had some insight that I was drinking alcoholically before I ever admitted it out loud...I knew it wasn't normal to hide the bottles (and worry if they would be found). I knew it wasn't normal to lie about drinking. I knew it wasn't normal to plan my day around drinking and I definitely knew it wasn't normal to buy my booze at different liquor stores so I wouldn't be known as a "regular". It was a relief to openly admit to being an alcoholic, to give myself "permission" to end what I called slavery to the bottle. Keeping up with the madness of secret drinking was too stressful. I thought if I wore perfume or chewed gum, it would hide the smell and no one knew. Thinking back, the only one I was fooling was myself. There were a few people I called my drinking buddies, they didn't count mine and I didn't count theirs, we shared some laughs and we could be free to act like fools without criticism. When we got together during non-drinking activities, I found them to be some of the most irritating and annoying people with nothing in common except drinking. What made me remember this time of my life today was being in the grocery store and a customer reeked of alcohol, he was probably unaware others could notice. It reminded me of myself not too many years ago when the only one I was fooling was myself. Thank You, Higher Power, I no longer have to live a lie! Freedom is found in the truth...and in AA! Blessings & best wishes to all! Jerricka