I am very new around here. I started about two months ago attending a local AA group as a periodical alcoholic. I still haven't found a sponsor.
I seek alcohol and cannot stop and binge when I experience difficult emotions, especially those concerning my relationship with my partner of 18 years. Anger, jealousy and lowered self-confidence and insecurity are both the reason for my alcoholism and also they are caused by it. I also suffered severe anxiety and panic attacks in the past, and to deal with that as well I was resorting to alcohol. A local and well known psychiatrist I visited 4 years ago told me to keep a weekly account of my alcohol intake, and suggested me to not go beyond 12 units per week. When I revisit the journal, I have seen that I actually did not consume much alcohol in average amount. The problem is, I cannot stop once I start, and can go for weeks without it.
After starting the AA meetings, I was sober without a sip of alcohol for about 24 days, and again, I slipped and binged yesterday when I discovered my partners past flirtatious messages with other women. The reason I started the AA was also related to the relationship crisis 3 moths ago. I started drinking heavily to deal with the pain. Things started to work out in my relationship because we love and are committed to each other, and we think we are and can be happy as long as we are together. But, any little hint that triggers the past related pain sets up the whole negative emotions again. I am not sure if it my addiction to negativity or alcohol that makes me go and revisit the old pain and do some detective stuff even when things seem all right.
I feel terrible, guilty, and hopeless after the binge. So, I was seeking some advice concerning slips like the one I had last night.
Based on my own past experience with alcoholism and sobriety, you need to get a good AA sponsor and start working all 12 steps, and attend lots of AA meetings on a very regular basis, like every day for 90 days. You need to get a very clear understanding of what your alcoholism is and how it works and what it does so you stand a chance of recognizing an impending relapse before it happens, and you need to get help from others who have been through this.
SLIP(sobriety loses it's priority)
First Ya don't drink and don't been yourself up. Get to a meeting everyday. Get a sponsor and names/ numbers of people who been sober a while. Call these people when your in crisis before you drink. Your emotions are going to be raw for a bit. Gets better with time. Working the steps with a sponser and reading the big book will give your mind something to do and educate you about your disease. It might be a good idea to seek some professional help for your other disorders if you haven't already maybe you need some medication therapy. A lot of us do. Your right that alcohol is nothing but a symptom to a larger underlying problem. Your mind will queit down with time. We all go through this. Keep the primary focus on yourself and not your partner worry about what your doing and be selfish in getting sober. Last be kind to yourself do something nice for yourself. Candy and icecream on hand helps also. Keep reaching out like you are now. Please get a temporary sponsor someo you can call daily.
Welcome to MIP Ligeria, ... Glad you're here ... sounds like you're definitely one of us ... if we can get, and stay sober, so can you ... I would repeat the above advice, but since it's been said, I'd only tell you to try and follow it ...
I was so bad and hard-headed when trying to stop drink'n, that when it was suggested for me to come to a meeting every day for 90 days, I attended a meeting a day for about 700 days ... that's right, nearly two years before I felt comfortable that I wouldn't drink that day ... I was one of those hopeless alcoholics you hear about ... so that should show you that miracles do happen in AA ... I'm living testimony ...
Stick around, we'll help you through this period of time ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 11th of March 2015 06:43:13 AM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Welcome Ligeria! Glad to have you here with us. First step in recovery is admitting you have a problem and are powerless over Alcohol. I say this because I spent the first 3 1/2 years slipping and going back to Alcohol. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back I had a reservation that I would drink again. I hadn't fully surrendered. For me, there was no lasting recovery until I surrendered.
Your post certainly sounds a lot like me. symptoms: Anger, jealousy, fear, doubt & insecurity etc.......... drink and can't stop or moderate eventhough I tried(allergy) .......... guilt, shame, remorse and hopeless after drink..... back to drink because I feel like sh^t. The CYCLE continues.
How to deal with slips? Keep moving forward, keep showing up, keeping trying........ don't beat yourself up in the meantime. Slips are part of my recovery and many others. The only thing I did right in AA was keep coming no matter what. Bring the body and the mind will follow.
Great post Ligeria. I just slipped last night, and I went completely crazy. I used to only drink beer and I was drinking whiskey after not eating all day or sleeping the night before due to insomnia. I had no tolerance because I was off the drink so I quickly got drunk and became out of control. I behaved like a psycho.
I live in a small town in Ireland so I'm too embarrassed to even go outside my door now, or answer the phone. I got a phone call from the bar owner who told me what I had been acting like and I was shocked and disgusted. I still feel this way but I went to a meeting and it helped so much. I am still unable to sleep because my mind is racing and I keep thinking about how bad I acted. Luckily (or unluckily) I live in Ireland where drunkenness is common, if I was still in the States I'd probably have gotten myself arrested. Most of the people who were working at the bar I was in all know me as a really nice person, I used to work with some of them in another place. They were shocked at my behavior and if it wasn't for my girlfriend's support and patience I don't know where I would be (she is giving me one final chance or she's packing my bags, which is better than I deserve).
To make matters worse, I was so sick this morning I couldn't stay in work where I was covering someone else's shift on my day off. I puked 4 times in the first hour and told my boss I had to go home. When I got home from the AA meeting there was an email from my boss telling me I'm fired. It was only a part time job but Ireland has not recovered from the recession and it's not gonna be easy to get a new one. I let so many people down and offended so many people. I want to curl up in a ball and die.
I have said, 'Never again', so many times, no one believes it any more. I feel so bad about my slip, it was a disaster. I almost cried when I shared in the meeting. I know I'm not a bad person when alcohol is not involved but I am so ashamed of myself I don't know what to do. I made some tea and settled myself a bit and signed up here. This is my first post. Thanks for listening.
Welcome to MIP Stevee, ... glad you found us ... you're in the right place ...
Sorry you put yourself through that last night ... kinda reminds me of the time I was traveling from my dad's place back to mine, 'bout 290 miles, I was drink'n and pulled off the interstate to take the back roads when I got near home so I wouldn't get caught drunk drive'n ... last thing I remember is stopping at a traffic lite, next thing I knew, I was in the back of a police car ... this lady cop told me to blow in this tube, she said you blew a .38 ... you're x4 past the legal limit ... next thing I knew I was in jail ... wife wouldn't bail me out for 4 days ...
When I did get out, I was drunk before I got home ... INSANE is all I can say ...
I've been in AA for the last 7 years ... this is where I found the solution to all my problems ... life is great now, but it did take time to work the program and make it part of my life ... I had stopped many times before too, I said 'Never Again' many times too ... nobody believed me either when I came back the last time ... do the 90 meetings in 90 days ... that'll get you off to a good start and give you a fighting chance ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
