Hi Dawn, Not sure if this helps, but all I can offer is my own experience. I've been sober for about 26 years and have attended lots of LGBT AA meetings throughout my sobriety (I'm a gay man) as well as lots of 'plain vanilla' AA meetings. Throughout that time, I've met many trans persons in these AA meetings who have successfully achieved and maintained long term sobriety, using the same 12 steps that work for other recovering alcoholics. Being gay, I do understand the concept that it can be helpful to find others in AA with whom we share something in common, so I do understand your request for input from other trans folk who have successfully gotten & stayed sober in AA, but it's also certainly possible to get sober in 'generic' meetings. In fact, that's where the great majority of LGBT AA members get sober. Have you ever attended AA meetings? Ever sought out meetings listed as LGBT AA meetings? If you'd like help locating some, I'd be happy to help show you how to find them.
Welcome to this forum, DM. Hope you are doing OK. Lots of people with good sobriety pop in here from time to time.
I don't recall anyone here identifying as transgender. That's not saying there aren't any such folk here. We'll see if anyone responds. But since you are looking for certain fellow alcoholics you might peruse the Intergroup listings for LGBT at:
The ways of staying sober are the same for us all in most basic ways. The specialty AA groups are only so that people feel most comfortable talking and being themselves.
Welcome to MIP Dawn Mist, ... you are welcome here ... We don't make a distinction between regular folks, L/G groups nor Transgender, ... neither does 'alcohol' ... ... ...
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Thursday 29th of January 2015 09:27:13 AM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
On the whole, I've found AA folks to be very accepting. Remember, we are the ones who drank ourselves silly and did all kinds of crazy stuff. Who are we to judge? I have been at ordinary meetings, especially out of town, and been like "yeah, I am traveling with my husband" (I am gay), and people don't miss a beat.
Welcome to MIP Dawn Mist, ... you are welcome here ... We don't make a distinction between regular folks, L/G groups nor Transgender, ... neither does 'alcohol' ... ... ...
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Thursday 29th of January 2015 09:27:13 AM
3. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking." tradition 3 of AA. Sounds like a precondition, but it's not. Nobody has to know anything about us, except that we are alcoholic and need help. The fact that my finger lands on the AA page, means that I have a desire to stop. The mechanics of that are a different matter.
I am scared. Lost. I am an alcoholic. Binge drinking on weekends. No drinking on weekdays though. Hiding my levels of alcoholism from my girlfriend. She is the best. All I ever wanted in a person.
However, for over a decade I have been attracted to transwomen. I feel like I am a sub or switch in a vanilla man/woman relationship. I have no idea what to do. I was a frat guy and loved being with women. It was great, but I have found who I really am.
I have denied what I want. For so many years. I have found who I am and am too scared to change. I have found a loving, perfect woman, yet I am somebody else. I keep drinking like I did in college. I have no idea what to do. I am shaking in fear and have been for years. I need help.
I can hardly type this. Thinking maybe a 1/2 measure will suffice. I have been wearing thongs regularly. Grew my hair out. I know what I want to be, but keep gaining weight and I know it is from depression and alcoholism. How do I embrace myself?
I live my life as a disgusting fat dude eating too much to diguise my fear. I watch football and rip farts all weekend. It is untenable. I am losing it...
I need guidance and somebody to help me through this so bad. If you can't. I understand. I will provide nothing but support.
Well, the good news is that you already know that you are an alcoholic, which is a lot better than many people who are alcoholics. Many of us alcoholics never figure that out, or never become willing to get honest about it, and never get better.
The first thing you ought to do is get help for your alcoholism. The other things you are concerned about will not prevent you from getting sober, but continuing to drink will prevent you from being able to address all of the other issues.
Do you have any experience with Alcoholics Anonymous? Ever been to any AA meetings? Any questions about AA? We'd be glad to help. That's what other people did for us.
One of the many subjects I learned from my sponsorship and the program was the topic of "terminal uniqueness" those thoughts, feelings and perceptions that I had that "I was different" and then if I suppressed that idea and looked around the room that wasn't true. My sponsor imposed upon me the importance of the word "terminal" and kept me focused on the definition of alcoholism un-arrested being fatal. I had already reached the end line with toxic shocks...I wasn't alcoholic...I would not stop...I was different...I was almost dead. I don't believe that alcohol or alcoholism respects definitions we have of ourselves and/or others. We are all humans and alcohol tears up humans regardless of how we think or feel or intend. I was often the wrong man in my body. I often thought I was Superman, superhuman, and then still here we both are on the same site for the same reason. Forget the uniqueness ...the differences...ask I was told listen to the similarities. I got some grace along the line as I continued to do the research which kept me in line...in reality...I am alcoholic...I have a compulsion of the mind to drink alcohol and other mind and mood altering chemicals and a body that has a complete allergy to those chemicals. The grace I received came from doing the psychological assessment of the alcoholic. I rarely will move away from evidence that I am today and the psychological assessment early in described me as "alcoholics are risk takers" and I got the grace I needed to keep me in this 24 hours. See in thinking and believing that "I was different" I pushed the envelope of who I really was until HP brought me to the program. What ever else you perceive yourself to be, if you knowingly admit that you cannot control or conquer your compulsion and practice of letting the chemical control you than you need to be with others who know how to change and end that life threatening process so you can figure the other stuff out later. Keep coming back.
Bri, my suggestion is to find some good AA meetings and a sponsor you absolutely trust. Next, I would look into counseling. I spent a long time in counseling coming to terms with being gay so I somewhat understand what you are going through.
Basically, start living in the solution and let yourself out of the self-imposed suffering.
I'm new to this forum. I'm new to sobriety too! My sobriety date is 06/24/14. Although I am not transgendered, I have a transgendered child, so I wanted to write. I can't begin to comprehend how difficult it is to live in a society that sees gender as a clearly defined and straight line. It is so NOT. : - ) I do know that 1 out of 100 individuals have a physical manifestation of transgender. A great many more than 1 out of 100 are transgendered without identified physical basis. I think its much like alcoholism in that it is totally misunderstood by the public at large. (I used to think alcoholics were dirty old men in raincoats behind trash cans who flashed innocent people who passed by.... but I digress...).
I'm in Florida, and we have a transgendered member in my home group. Just sharing that to let you know that there are other transgendered people out there. But, you are and will be in a minority. It makes you unique--special--an outlier. I'm an outlier too, but for different reasons. Being in the minority makes it more difficult to fit in--to find the really close fellowship/friendship that we crave.
I am so thankful to be in AA, first for my recovery, but second for the fellowship. I still have significant problems finding people that I relate too--but I've met a few. AND, as I grow and learn--I'm getting better at focussing more on the similarities than on the differences. My faith in my higher power is growing (and trust) and I'm trying to allow those decisions--where I am to go--who I am to meet--rest with my higher authority.
I admire your strength and empathize with your struggle. I am glad that you (and I) have found the "broad highway" and I hope that you find as much acceptance where you are as I experience in my fellowship here. I will pray for you and your search. Stay strong! Thanks for your post, Dawn.
I heard a wonderful GLBT speaker a few months ago at a huge meeting. She was so inspiring. She did talk about the hurts she felt being judged in the bar, and other places but she had obviously found a home in AA. Her talk was the best of all the speakers and I could've listened to her forever.
She has had the operation (from man to woman) and is close with her group members none of which are gay or GLBT
Destiny that post was richly dripping with awesome. I identify with all of it!!!!!!! Though I am not as aware of what Transgenders struggle with... I whole heartedly agree that for all of us... finding the bonds we crave is so challenging. I loved your words... they soothed my own frustrations and reminded me of the faith that grows and brings peace.
What an amazing thing this thing we call life is. I will be praying for all the posters in this thread.
Amazing xxxxhugsxxxx
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Old topic but hi I'm Andrea and I'm a transgender alcoholic. I know of one other here in New Zealand but she's 500Km from me (and I know her from the trans* community not AA). Yeah it's kind of lonely I'd love to meet another in the same city as me. However I've found AA **very** accepting (yes they get it wrong sometimes, pronouns, forms of address etc, but they do try). Plenty of LGB but a bit shy on the T part. Funny given how rife substance abuse is within the trans* community :)
I think I may have shared this here before but my first ever meeting was a Transgender Candlelight meeting. I didn't know that's what it was prior to going and I arrived late. They welcomed me in and with it being somewhat dark it took me a while to figure out what was what. As it was a complete surprise I would have expected myself to be a little weirded out by it but for some reason I wasn't.
There are A LOT of transgender sober alcoholics at the Lambda meetings in New Orleans. Everybody's got issues (nothing wrong with being trans, just creates unique resentments) but deal with the things that are going to kill you first. If being transgendered won't kill you, but alcohol might, then focus on that.
Hi Dawn. I don't know if you are still checking this board. I am an MTF trans-woman. I was out as a child and was bullied into the closet by 5th grade in the 70's. I found alcohol at 13 and stayed in the closet with a bottle for 40 years. When I sobered up in AA 4/6/15 one of the things that became apparent to me was the remembrance of really being Wanda. I have come out and started transitioning in my strait home group. They have been awesome and very accepting. I do go to a Lambda group also, but my home has stayed and they are awesome. As already mentioned in this thread, I have found that it really doesn't matter. I am an alcoholic and that's all that matters. When I go to AA meetings I talk about alcoholism and the solutions thereof. I go to a gender support group and talk about dysphoria and other issues unique to our situation. I do have a woman sponsor now and sponsor women. We discuss my transition and other related issues occasionally after meetings, but I've found I'm really not that special after all. On the side, studies indicate the trans community has a higher than normal, 25%, rate of alcoholism. When I go to gender or LGBT events and meetings I am very open about my sobriety. I already have had folks tell me they were afraid to go to AA and ask me where they can go and be accepted. You never know where your higher power will lead you.
It took me 24 hours to be able to type with a straight face after reading this...the hilarity has subsided some thank God. But uh, this issue is not marked by alcohol, I can assure you. A better diet and higher water intake can help with this but in more severe cases your doctor can prescribe meds to combat flatulence.
Hi;
I'm Marc and I am an Alcoholic.
It's not my fault, I was born this way.
My parents did mess with my head but I
am stll happy to be a boy who does
not want or need to be a girl.
Bri's comment is funny...
Trust in 'Our Father Which Art In Heaven'
to inject humour when and where it is needed.
Are we allowed to be vehemently opposed to trannys being allowed to breathe let alone among others?
Total abominations. We have reached levels of acceptance that shouldn't even be possible. Our "tolerance" for these types of things are chipping away at the foundation of one of the greatest things ever.
Do not attempt to persuade me to thinking otherwise. I will not change in regards to this subject. Not willing to.
So grateful that a trans alcoholic had the courage to tell the truth about herself. After 36 years of sobriety, I am also grateful that a homophobic idiot told the truth about itself as well. It seems that the tradition about making ourselves available to be of maximum service to every sick and suffering alcoholic no matter what gets lost in the shuffle sometimes. But I'll tell you what. If that rigid, ignorant dumbshit ever needs help with sobriety, I am right there for him. The reason is simple. My sobriety depends on it. If the trans woman wants to find out about sobriety, I am ready to be her friend. Why? because I understand that journey. Everybody...don't drink. If you are alcoholic, it's very bad for you. -)
Yikes. We are all at different levels of wellness (and sickness) and sometimes the toxicity is pretty high, no matter how long a person has been sober. Spiritual fitness constantly changes within each of us, sometimes even moment to moment. It has a lot to do with our focus. Acceptance does not have to equal approval, but we all need to learn to accept things we cannot change. That which is, is. I have a long-time friend who is transgender and I certainly dont consider them an abomination, and my world is a better place with them in it. (They even asked me to sponsor them at one point probably they were drunk at the time, and nothing ever came of it although I of course agreed to help in any way I could.)
