I have 151 days sober... and a sponsor and meetings daily sometimes 2x a day. a therapist and the world's worse ANXIETY.... so bad that I am feeling like giving up the sober life...
Congrats on 151 days sober.
I believe the problem here is "I am feeling like giving up" .... we have all been there many times.
You are only 5 months sober. What does your therapist, sponsor and the oldtimers say about your anxiety??
I will tell you that as you continue along in recovery that things will get better & better (at God's pace, not yours)
I will tell you that if you leave AA and go back to drinking your suffering will escalate worse than ever before.
It's your choice. As it says in HOW IT WORKS "WE stood at the turning point".
Welcome Catdog. I am an alcoholic, in part, due to crippling anxiety and panic attacks. For 20+ years that's how I medicated myself so I could live a "normal" life. Well the joke was on me, because I almost lost everything, and was still an anxiety ridden drunk. Since I've been sober, I changed therapists and have gotten some very good treatment from someone who understood my situation. Best of luck.
I have 151 days sober... and a sponsor and meetings daily sometimes 2x a day. a therapist and the world's worse ANXIETY.... so bad that I am feeling like giving up the sober life...
Give up the sober life for what ??? ... a Catatonic state of mind??? ... sorry, I couldn't help that ... I don't mean to poke fun at your problem but drink'n won't fix the problem either ... maybe a good doctor/psychiatrist could help over what your therapist is able to do for you ??? ...
For me, to drink again is to die, slowly and painfully ... you may need to try and be patient with AA and let the program have a chance to work the 'solution' into fruition ... give the 'spiritual awakening' a chance to occur and change your life ... don't quit just before the miracle ...
Congrats on 151 days ... just take it one day at a time ... that's all any of us are working for, just today ...
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
What really made the difference for me, and really allowed me to begin living 'comfortably in my own skin' without drinking, was when I started to work through the 12 steps with my sponsor. That changed everything. Of course everyone's experience is different, and someone with a particular condition in addition to alcoholism may need additional assistance dealing with that too, but the 12 steps are 'the program of recovery' in AA and they are what makes the difference between mere abstinence and actual recovery from alcoholism. So have you begun working through the steps with your sponsor? How is it going?
My experience was that I hit a very hard mental bottom. Very hard. The anxiety was overwhelming. I lost some of that just from losing the stress of drinking when I sobered up 6 months ago. But I still had intolerable levels even "sober". At about 2 1/2 months in I had a couple of days where I was just angry and miserable. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking "if I am going to feel like this I may as well be drinking". I went to a meeting that day. I don't remember what the topic was but one of the shares consisted of "This program ain't free and I'm not talking about putting a bleeping dollar in the basket. You have to put in work."
The next week I met with my sponsor and worked through the first three steps. Within a month we did step 4 through 7. At some point during this period I got relief. Major relief. Not just loosing the obsession but also from anxiety as well. I feel like when I committed to the steps I surrendered to the program and a higher power. I also learned what acceptance was which I believe played a big part in the relief. I can't put my finger on exactly when that relief happened during all that. I just remember one day I realized things had changed.
I will add that sometimes I can feel myself heading toward that anxiety again but I can recognize it and turn it around very quickly.
Was it the "miracle" or did I just learn some tools to deal with it? I can't answer that. I just know that the difference between then and now is like night and day.
Catdog, Just speaking from my own experience, I drank because I had no faith in anything. My world view was negative. I had poor coping skills and then drank myself out of whatever coping skills I had left. So basically, my alcoholism was wrapped up in a giant ball of anxiety and depression and I had a really hard time figuring out how to handle life, let go of things, move forward, keep my focus more positive without freaking out and wanting to self-medicate. 5 months is incredible! Just to let you know though....for me...I was still pretty raw, anxious, and figuring things out at 5 months sober. It is not unusual. Until you develop a deeper spirituality (through step work and all other aspects of the program), it's going to feel rough going. Keep working! The stuff you are writing about is why a lot of folks relapse. You have done well even discussing it and being open to suggestions.
Congrats on your sobriety time. I too had quite a bit of anxiety earlier in my recovery and felt like throwing in the towel more than once. And there are some days now where King Alcohol tries to get the upper hand on my thinking and convince me that I should give up the sober life. Usually that is when I have backed off my meetings and am not praying and meditating as much. So, I get to more meetings, pray more, etc. (If two meetings is not enough for me I go to three or four). I sometimes have to play back my own drunkalogue and ask myself "Do I really want to go back there?" and think of what I can do to help another suffering alcohol. Pulling myself out of myself long enough to help someone else makes me feel better about myself, less anxious and more hopeful.
When I first got sober no one told me this was going to be an easy program. I did hear it can be a rewarding program. That has been the case and will continue to be the case as long as I am willing to follow the instructions in the Big Book. If I accept the fact that I will have not so great days, as well as great days and I have the ability to ride through those rough days without picking up a drink, that is a great feeling.
