What is wrong with me?

mommyneedsabreak · Newbie

What is wrong with me?

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

mommyneedsabreak wrote:
What is wrong with me?

Good question. If you're drinking a whole bottle every single day, that's starting into heavy drinking levels. Each bottle is about 5 standard drinks. Maybe you're an alcoholic. Maybe not.

I would sometimes drink only a couple of drinks on some days. But if I had 5 drinks, I would usually not stop at 5. I would then usually have more - sometimes LOTS more. Sometimes I would get roaring drunk. Sometimes I would black out. Sometimes I would pass out. I am an alcoholic.

I would suggest you undergo an evaluation by a qualified health care professional. Alcohol "problems" are routinely evaluated, diagnosed and treated nowadays.

It's a good sign that you are being frank about your condition. Be as open-minded as you can be about what you learn about alcohol.

-- Edited by Tanin on Friday 2nd of January 2015 08:27:59 PM

2granddaughters · Senior Member

Hello Mommy:

Here is a little questionnaire to help come to an accurate appraisal of the situation. ncadd.org/learn-about-alcohol/alcohol-abuse-self-test
Let us know how you scored and we'll talk about it.

All the best.

Bob R

mikef · MIP Old Timer

Hello and WELCOME TO MIP,

I also would suggest what Bob R has posted and a link..Its a great barometer to know exactly where you stand with alcohol and some of your behaviors. If you are questioning what is going on with you,,,its a good place to start.WE are here for each other,stick around and continue sharing your concerns..This is a QUIZ where a 100%(always my score)is not a good grade smile smile smile Hope to hear more from you...In support and prayer...

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to MIP, ...

Typically, if you think you might have a problem with alcohol, ... then you do ... you may be able to do something about it if you take some suggestions and act on them soon ... let us know how you did on that little questionnaire ... then we can try to guide you in the right direction ...

Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy

The Ghost of Tipsy · Veteran Member

For a long, long time I convinced myself that I couldn't possibly be an alcoholic since I had a successful career, a beautiful family, a nice home, cars, money, etc. On top of that I was a binge drinker so I could go weeks without a sip. Surely an alcoholic couldn't go without like I could, right?

In reality I was a miserable, depressed, drunk whose dignity and self respect was evaporating. I suffered from overwhelming bouts of guilt and shame. I wasn't truly there for my wife and my little girls as it's hard to be when you're either hungover/depressed/miserable/etc. Denial is a powerful mental state to live in. I wasted a lot of years in denial.

Thankfully I came to my senses before I lost my family, career, home, freedom or my life. So many people like us are not so fortunate. I hope mommyneedsabreak is as lucky as me...only that she doesn't take as long to come to her senses as I did. The world needs good teachers and great mothers.

Fyne Spirit · MIP Old Timer

I drank because I am alcoholic. Some folks drink to deal with or "medicate" some other problem, like grief for example. Some folks are problem drinkers. There are several different outcomes.

For me, an alcoholic, stopping drinking made matters worse. Depression, fear and anxiety are part and parcel of alcoholic withdrawal. I found most of this was due to my poor spiritual condition and when I addressed that through the AA 12 steps, I got better.

The medicating drinker may appear as an alcoholic, but the drink problem is temporary. When they deal with the other issue, the drinking problem dissappears. I am wondering whether your anxiety might be a causal factor here. Perhaps some time spent with a therapist would be a good investment. Of course, to be effective, you must be completely honest with your therapist especially about your drinking. If you find yourself wanting to deceive the therapist, well that would be alcohlic behaviour.

The problem drinker gets the best deal. They can stop or moderate given sufficient reason, and when they stop, all related problems stop too. As alcohol is a depressant, maybe the anxiety is caused by the alcohol. Again, with a bit of help, if you can knock off the booze for a week or two, the anxiety may dissappear.

If after checking all that out, you cant stop drinking even though you honestly want to, then you may be an alcoholic.

Zoomtopz · MIP Old Timer

Hello Mommy. Welcome to MIP

" If I don't, I get this anxiety and I can't stop thinking"

Yes Mommy , we call them "I S Ms" - It's what makes us drink .

I got told Alcoholism is a "thinking & feeling disease" And when we drink .

Then , Everybody knows . We have a physical malady . When we ingest alcohol.

I Never had any of those things . I had all the things of success . BUT I Was Losing ME.

I did Not care about Rick . I was told ."If you are an alcoholic & you pick up that first drink.

All the things that happen to alcoholics WILL Happen to you If you give this a go , there is

a chance You will get Well". Mommy , I took that chance over 28yrs ago . I have not Needed

to pick up one drink , One day at a time since .I was also told about the AA "Y E Ts".

Your'e Eligible Too . If any of the things you know that happen to alcoholics . WILL Happen to you.

Mommy this is Not to scare you . Fear , Will NOT Stop an alcoholic from drinking

I Certainly Hope this is of some help.

recoveryrehab · Member

Hi mommyneedsabreak and welcome
As others have said, the fact you are questioning is important, and a good palce to start.
There's a saying in AA, if drink is costing you more than money, you may have a problem -
May be worth bearing in mind, now or in the future
Good luck

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

They say this is a spiritual disease and that we need spiritual tools and spirituality to help us build a new life without needing to use an intoxicant just to get through the days. To me, I hear that you are relying heavily on alcohol to "relax." What this tells me is that there is a soul sickness to a degree (not sure you are alcoholic or not and only you can make that diagnosis effectively). BUT - For me, a HUGE part of why I drank was anxiety and inability to relax or stop my own whirlwind thinking without the alcohol. So I relied on alcohol and when life was good, it was a problem but not a nightmare and I used it to celebrate and to "unwind" also. When life no longer seemed so perfect, I drank even more as I'd opened the door to that as a maladaptive way of coping and then it really did become an absolute nightmare.

Can you envision being able to relax through meditation, having faith in something, or just replacing the drinking with other healthy coping skills? That is what AA has taught me. It taught me spirituality, coping, and wellness that I didn't have before. So while you assess the level of your sickness, please also take a minute to assess how much more well you could be and if you are now ready to let this into your life and to work for it because it isn't easy to change this way...It is worth it though.

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Hi MNB :) Welcome

12 step programs can be helpful in general - no matter what your 'ism'. There are all sorts, and they are a great place to start a spiritual journey.

I went from 1 glass, to a 1/2 bottle, to a full bottle, and I think in the end I was at 2 full bottles or more for the last months. I was starting while caring for my children, and even while teaching :(

I kept things very moderate so I would time and space myself for a while, then basically just get really drunk at night. I did that for a long time, but at some point I lost all control... and came here to MIP like you.

Stopping drinking and working a program cleared the way to discover so many other things I never cleared up. It wasn't just about the drinking as it turns out.

The 12 steps are like a launching pad - I have a friend in program who always says that. It takes some serious dedication, but also an open heart to healing from the inside.

I believe in you

chris · Senior Member

Welcome! It's been my experience that people who don't have a drinking problem don't worry that they might have a drinking problem. Maybe try a couple of AA meetings?

mommyneedsabreak · Newbie

Wow! Thank you everyone for the thoughtful responses! I scored a 6 on the quiz. I'm beginning to think that my drinking and other behaviors (impulse eating, spending) are products of a deeper issue. I'm not quite sure what that issue is yet, but I have a suspicion. Do any of you have issues from your childhood that you have found contributed to your drinking? If so, how are you dealing with it in a positive way? I was molested in kindergarten and I'm wondering if that has anything to do with things. I never really dealt with that and I'm wondering if that is subconsciously effecting my life. I don't want to "blame" anything/anyone other than myself for my situation, but could it be a contributing factor?

You all are awesome! Thank you so much for the love and support :)

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Hey mnab, ...

I don't think I have ever met a person that hasn't had some kind of childhood issues ... and our program in AA is designed to walk you through dealing with any, and all, issues we may have ... our recovery is based on a spiritual awakening per se ... we are not a religious group, but we do learn to recognize and place faith in a higher power of our choice ... (I choose God) ... others have there own beliefs ...

The point here is to recognize the world does not revolve around us ...

I went for years blaming my family life and situations for all my problems, especially my drink'n ... felt I had to drink to cope ... many years after alcohol became 'not fun' anymore, I drank because I did not know how to not drink ... alcohol was do'n all my thinking for me ... I felt trapped ...

AA suggested a way to get out of the trap and to learn to love life again and to help others recover from this disease ... after nearly 7 years, for me, I still love this program ... I'd have most certainly died about 7 years ago without AA ... I almost didn't make it past my last detox episode ...and my liver had stopped working any at all ...

You're making a great choice to be here today ... please try to make some AA meetings as soon as possible ... the people there have been in your shoes, we all have ... no need to be embarrassed ... we are here to try and save lives ... one day at a time ...

Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy

davep12and12 · MIP Old Timer

mommyneedsabreak wrote:
Wow! Thank you everyone for the thoughtful responses! I scored a 6 on the quiz. I'm beginning to think that my drinking and other behaviors (impulse eating, spending) are products of a deeper issue. I'm not quite sure what that issue is yet, but I have a suspicion. Do any of you have issues from your childhood that you have found contributed to your drinking?

Hi mommyneedsabreak,

It's not uncommon for people to have some kind of significant disturbance in their past, regardless if that person now has a drinking problem, so it's not such a simple 'cause and effect' equation that can clearly prove what 'caused' us to drink the way we did. But I would like to stress an important point - please watch out for the trap of putting the cart before the horse. What I mean by that is that sometimes we can use the idea of 'finding out why I drink so much' as a way to actually avoid taking the first action required - which is to get to some AA meetings and get some help from the folks there to start stringing some days together without drinking. Once we have a sober brain, and begin to get a solid foundation in AA and sobriety by getting a clear understanding of how alcoholism works and how to stay sober a day at a time, then we can begin to improve in any number of ways, including addressing issues from our past.

Think of it this way - if we wake up in the middle of the night and realize the house is on fire, now is NOT the time to begin a detailed investigation into what started the fire. Get to safety. Immediately.

Have you ever had any experience with AA? Ever been to an AA meeting?

chris · Senior Member

Like Dave says, when I first got into the program and got sober, I looked everywhere for a "reason" why I drink too much. Searched for that drunken family member, blame it on my mental health issues...BUT the reason why I drink too much is because I'm an alcoholic! I see a therapist for some issues, and go to AA for my alcohol problem. When I stopped worrying about why and just did the program, things got much better. You might find a meeting very helpful!

Zoomtopz · MIP Old Timer

Certainly some Great Wisdom .

I Certainly wold not be saying a lot of "personal things" from th floor of an AA

meeting though . I do that with My Therapist . I also check into a clinic , from

time to time . Mine are War related , being a Vietnam Vet , with some childhood

issues . BUT , Mommy , GET Sober first . Then , we deal with life on life's terms.

YES , IT Will get Better . I Promise you . It Will get better . Give it some time .

AND ,Give time , time .

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

mommyneedsabreak wrote:
Wow! Thank you everyone for the thoughtful responses! I scored a 6 on the quiz. I'm beginning to think that my drinking and other behaviors (impulse eating, spending) are products of a deeper issue. I'm not quite sure what that issue is yet, but I have ...

Based on your score on the NCADD self test, you might consider taking the next suggested step:

If you answered "yes" to between 2 and 8 questions, you should consider arranging a personal meeting with a professional who has experience in the evaluation of alcohol problems.

Doesn't seem like you tested very high in risk of alcoholism. But you might need more expert help than you can here in such an informal and limited exchange. Especially with the childhood and other issues you mentioned.

I would suggest follow the advice of the NCADD self test. It seems pretty reasonable. You could always go to an open AA meeting in your area if you wish, just to see what it's like. AA is not for non-alcoholics nor is it for non-alcoholic problems, but you will be welcomed. Just make sure it is an open meeting. (Closed meetings are for alcoholics.)

Also, there are online AA open meetings such as those at http://aaonline.net.

Best wishes to you.