More specifically I have zero patience for people who are like I used to be.
They show up at meetings with their tails tucked between their legs all full of "willingness" and a sincere desire to change their lives because of some drunken bender. By day 3 they've got issues with the spiritual part of the program or the meeting format or the serenity prayer, etc. and by day 5 well golly gee they're not really sure if they "identify" as an "alcoholic".
You'd think that since this was my MO for so many years that I might have more empathy for these "poor confused souls" but I don't. I think they're a waste of time. I think they're little crybaby attention seeking parasites who come in to suck up the kindness and fellowship until they feel better and can go back to their regular ways until the next time they mess up their lives and need a little pick me up. They take resources away from newcomers who legitimately want to change and they give the program a bad name.
I can say this because this was me. And I look forward to telling this to the next parasite I encounter taking up valuable real estate at a meeting.
Tipsy, this reflects that truism we hear ever since elementary school "People who bother you are the ones that remind you of yourself and you own negative behaviors." I am not surprised to read this because you fought long and hard to finally get to the surrender point you are at now. I'm guessing it's literally painful to see folks like you were now pulling the same crap.
It's okay. It will take some time for you to grow into your sobriety and be okay with those who are still sick and wrestling with their demons and in denial. For now, it's okay mostly because you need to protect your sobriety. It's good for you to not get enmeshed with folks who are on the fringes of the program. They are better served by patient oldtimers. You are going to benefit more from "sticking with the winners" as they say.
Don't let yourself get to upset or angry at anyone in meetings though. When you catch yourself doing it, say a prayer for you and them. I often call myself out and sometimes will literally point at myself and be like "listen to you Judgy Judgerton!" I can't take myself all that seriously and I need to lighten up and live and let live.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
More specifically I have zero patience for people who are like I used to be.
Easy there Tipster, ... ... ... We found patience with you (some of us more than others, LOL) ... and look how great you're do'n today !!! (Okay, maybe you tested us a little more than most, but still!)
Those that share at meetings with fire in their voice and chastisement in their words can easily 'turn-off' the returning procrastinators who are simply there to 'take a break' from drink'n for a few days ... and in some cases, this keeps them from ever returning ... we must always keep the doors open for those types ... because an attitude of 'impatience' can be a death sentence to someone who truly needs help ...
Hang in there, this is a daily learning process to deal with real life ... we seek progress, not perfection ...
Love ya dude and God Bless,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
If you believe in a HP - then treat yourself the way an all loving HP would wish for you to treat you. With love. Exude love, so you can feel loving... and peace.
And let HP handle them... the same way He handled you... by never giving up on you
It's not yours dear... set it down, and focus on being an example of the real you.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I shouldn't have posted what I wrote above. I guess I feel a fair amount of guilt and shame regarding the way I used the program and the people who tried so hard to help me. I hate the guy who did that. I think that's why it angers me when I see others so blatantly doing it.
After much meditation and prayer I realize that it would be a grave injustice to do anything other than offer the same kindness and compassion that was freely given to me over and over again.
You are making tremendous progress Tipsy ... by leaps and bounds from where you were ... keep up the good work, I promise you won't regret it ... it's obvious from your last post that you are working the steps ... good job ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I shouldn't have posted what I wrote above. I guess I feel a fair amount of guilt and shame regarding the way I used the program and the people who tried so hard to help me. I hate the guy who did that. I think that's why it angers me when I see others so blatantly doing it.
After much meditation and prayer I realize that it would be a grave injustice to do anything other than offer the same kindness and compassion that was freely given to me over and over again.
Tipsy, I think what you wrote was a fair enough comment, but in your second post you are coming around to understanding the issue in spritual terms.
A lot of folks quite reasonably think that when the newcomer turns up, the recovered member goes to work on him and sobers him up. Therefore the person, still in the grip of alcoholism and denial, who let's him down by going back out, has somehow wasted his time. Nothing could be further from the truth.
In actual fact the recovered AA member has no special power to sober anyone up. The newcomer has done him a huge favour by giving him the opportunity to try and help. The recovered member knows that, in order to stay sober himself, he must try and pass on this message, and so is grateful for any opportunity to do this, even if unsuccessful.
Of course, every once in a while, the newcomer picks up the tools, recovers, and goes to work helping others. And we all get to see and appreciate that miracle when it happens. To see another get well is one of the greatest rewards, but working with others is essential to permanent recovery and very rewarding also.
No matter if your HP is a Buddha or Jesus or anything else... some of the ideas in this article can be helpful to some... so I will share here for the sake of those who might be open to it. AA of course, is not a religion, and there is room for all religion of any kind, or none at all :) (If you are new here - please keep in mind that we are not here to preach or to 'turn you').
Good and Evil
"If we lack the courage to confront evil acts, or tendencies toward hatred and discrimination, both within ourselves and in society, they will spread unchecked, as history shows. Martin Luther King, Jr., lamented, 'We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people.'"
Good and EvilGood and evil have often been looked upon as diametrically opposed and mutually exclusive. But in a real, practical sense, such a simplistic way of thinking is unsatisfactory. Even the cruelest of criminals may possess a strong sense of love or compassion toward his parents and children. Is such a person fundamentally good or evil?
The Buddhist understanding is that good and evil are innate, inseparable aspects of life. This view makes it impossible to label a particular individual or group as "good" or "evil." Every single human being is capable of acts of the most noble good, or the basest evil.
Moreover, good and evil in Buddhism are seen not as absolute but relative or "relational." The good or evil of an act is understood in terms of its actual impact on our own lives and the lives of others, not on abstract rules of conduct.
Evil actions are those which are based on a narrow selfishness, the delusion that our lives are fundamentally disconnected from those of others and that we can benefit at their expense. Evil views life as a means to be expended, not an end in itself. Good is that which generates connection between ourselves and others, healing and restoring the bonds among human societies.
In the context of Buddhism, good is identified with "the fundamental nature of enlightenment," or absolute freedom and happiness resulting from profound self-knowledge. Evil indicates "fundamental darkness," or life's innate delusion which negates the potential of enlightenment and causes suffering for oneself and others. This inner darkness echoes with the despair that our lives are ugly and meaningless; it also drives a wedge of fear that splits the hearts of people into "us" and "them."
A Buddha is someone who has the courage to acknowledge these two fundamental aspects of life. As Nichiren states, "One who is thoroughly awakened to the nature of good and evil from their roots to their branches and leaves is called a Buddha." Buddhas accept their innate goodness without arrogance because they know all people share the same Buddha nature. Buddhas also recognize their innate evil without despair because they know they have the strength to overcome and control their negativity.
Unwillingness to acknowledge the potential of both supreme good and evil can stem from the fact that as individuals we are reluctant to see ourselves as either very good or very bad, hiding instead behind a collective moral mediocrity that requires neither the responsibility of goodness nor the guilt of evil. And perhaps this moral ambiguity within seems to demand quick judgment of others-viewing those who serve our interests as "good people" and those whom we dislike as "bad people" as if to counterbalance that inner confusion with external clarity.
Some view Buddhism as a teaching of tranquillity and repose--of passivity even--whereas in fact the practice of Buddhism is not about "staying safe." It is a constant struggle to create value and change evil into good through our own efforts to confront it. Nichiren writes, "Opposing good is called evil, opposing evil is called good."
Soka Gakkai founder Tsunesaburo Makiguchi, imprisoned for his criticism of Japan's wartime policies, is said to have engaged his fellow prisoners in a debate on the nature of good and evil, asking if there was a difference between not doing good and committing actual evil.
If we lack the courage to confront evil acts, or tendencies toward hatred and discrimination, both within ourselves and in society, they will spread unchecked, as history shows. Martin Luther King, Jr., lamented, "We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people."
In the words of SGI President Daisaku Ikeda, "The universe, this world and our own lives, are the stage for a ceaseless struggle between hatred and compassion, the destructive and constructive aspects of life. We must never let up, confronting evil at every turn."
And in the end, the evil over which we must triumph is the impulse toward hatred and destruction that resides in us all. The process of acknowledging, confronting and transforming our own fundamental darkness is the means by which we can strengthen the functioning of good in our lives. ~
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Sorry, I'm not sure where this came from originally - I had it on my computer book mark.
~ When I was still VERY impulsive, and needed to control myself because I wasn't yet at peace in my heart ---- and I could not just naturally be peaceful in my interactions despite what others were like... I used this:
Act as if - was a good slogan for me, I kept practicing doing better - until I Became better. Knowing how to my true loving and compassionate self did nothing for me at all. I needed to practice at it... seeking progress never perfection.
TOGT....you say you shouldn't have made the first post.
gotta say you're wrong there as your own reply proved.
you had a troubled mind. You needed to get it out your head. You posted it here. Read the replies and that helped you sort your head.
what's not to like pal.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Thank you for the post and replies. It took awhile for me to accept me and people who came into The Program like me. I learned that my resentment toward others was really due to the resentments against myself. I was told to drop the microscope and look in the mirror. That's were the problem lies. Once I surrendered and accepted that I was a sick Alcoholic with many character flaws it was easier to accept others. Through The Program and The 12 Steps I've learned to have Love and Tolerance of others. It's our Tenth Step code. Who am I to judge someone else's character if I've done or even thought of doing the same thing? Today, when I'm judging others there's something wrong me and my attitude.
