Can't I just be a problem drinker that has a desire to quit drinking today without being an alcoholic?

ChickenLittle · Newbie

Can't I just be a problem drinker that has a desire to quit drinking today without being an alcoholic?

davep12and12 · MIP Old Timer

If someone who has been drinking too much does not have alcoholism, they don't need to get sober for ANY length of time. They can just decide to drink responsibly and socially like other people. Done.

If your own experience has made it clear that you cannot reliably and successfully just decide to do that, and it's clear that you really need to stop drinking in order to avoid continuing with your problem drinking, this tells you something. What you do with that information is up to you, and whether you decide to call yourself an alcoholic is up to you.

But regarding being ostracized, AA doesn't work like that. Once someone comes to AA and has a desire to stop drinking and gets sober, regardless if they call themselves 'alcoholic' or not, they are always free to decide to leave AA and start drinking again if they so choose. AA can't stop you. If you then decide that you want to come back and try again at some point in the future, you won't be ostracized. You are always welcome back to AA, assuming you can make it back to AA.

I don't know you so I have no idea if you are an alcoholic or not and I don't know if you need to get sober or not. I would suggest that you just take it easy and keep coming to AA with an open mind as long as you have a desire to stop drinking. You'll figure it out one way or the other. Don't worry about whether you should 'plan' to stay sober or 'plan' to go back to drinking at some point off in the future. Just do it one day at a time.

mikef · MIP Old Timer

Hello and welcome to MIP....i'M not sure if you have answered these questions before or not but its a pretty good barometer of the journey into addiction.......Our goal is Recovery through application of the STEPS(our solution) in all areas of our lives not just abstinence..Good luck on your journey,,I personally spent more than a quarter Century of my life trying to prove to myself I could use alcohol responsibly..It took a final acceptance and surrender to know I could not control my using once it began,the solution was never to pick up the first one and to change my attitudes and behaviors.WE are all different and there are many roads to recovery,this is what worked for me...Hope to hear more from ya....In support and prayer... smile smile

We who are in A.A. came because we finally gave up trying to control our drinking. We still hated to admit that we could never drink safely. Then we heard from other A.A. members that we were sick. (We thought so for years!) We found out that many people suffered from the same feelings of guilt and loneliness and hopelessness that we did. We found out that we had these feelings because we had the disease of alcoholism.

We decided to try and face up to what alcohol had done to us. Here are some of the questions we tried to answer honestly. If we answered YES to four or more questions, we were in deep trouble with our drinking. See how you do. Remember, there is no disgrace in facing up to the fact that you have a problem.

Answer YES or NO to the following questions.

1. Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?

Most of us in A.A. made all kinds of promises to ourselves and to our families. We could not keep them. Then we came to A.A. A.A. said: "Just try not to drink today." (If you do not drink today, you cannot get drunk today.)

Yes No

2. Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?

In A.A. we do not tell anyone to do anything. We just talk about our own drinking, the trouble we got into, and how we stopped. We will be glad to help you, if you want us to.

Yes No

3. Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?

We tried all kinds of ways. We made our drinks weak. Or just drank beer. Or we did not drink cocktails. Or only drank on weekends. You name it, we tried it. But if we drank anything with alcohol in it, we usually got drunk eventually.

Yes No

4. Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?

Do you need a drink to get started, or to stop shaking? This is a pretty sure sign that you are not drinking "socially."

Yes No

5. Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?

At one time or another, most of us have wondered why we were not like most people, who really can take it or leave it.

Yes No

6. Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?

Be honest! Doctors say that if you have a problem with alcohol and keep on drinking, it will get worse -- never better. Eventually, you will die, or end up in an institution for the rest of your life. The only hope is to stop drinking.

Yes No

7. Has your drinking caused trouble at home?

Before we came into A.A., most of us said that it was the people or problems at home that made us drink. We could not see that our drinking just made everything worse. It never solved problems anywhere or anytime.

Yes No

8. Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?

Most of us used to have a "few" before we started out if we thought it was going to be that kind of party. And if drinks were not served fast enough, we would go some place else to get more.

Yes No

9. Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?

Many of us kidded ourselves into thinking that we drank because we wanted to. After we came into A.A., we found out that once we started to drink, we couldn't stop.

Yes No

10. Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?

Many of us admit now that we "called in sick" lots of times when the truth was that we were hung-over or on a drunk.

Yes No

11. Do you have "blackouts"?

A "blackout" is when we have been drinking hours or days which we cannot remember. When we came to A.A., we found out that this is a pretty sure sign of alcoholic drinking.

Yes No

12. Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?

Many of us started to drink because drinking made life seem better, at least for a while. By the time we got into A.A., we felt trapped. We were drinking to live and living to drink. We were sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Yes No

Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol. Why do we say this? Because thousands of people in A.A. have said so for many years. They found out the truth about themselves the hard way. But again, only you can decide whether you think A.A. is for you.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to MIP ChickenLittle, ...

I suspect your 1st meeting was pretty tough ... to think you may be an alcoholic and need to go through all these changes is pretty scary ... just try to remember, AA's whole purpose is for us to get and stay sober so we can participate in life and ALSO help other alcoholics get and stay sober ...

Perhaps there were those at your first meeting that saw themselves in you, and were trying desperately to impress upon you the seriousness of your situation??? ... If you're not an alcoholic, then you'll go to bed tonight without the desperate need for a drink ... you'll sleep just fine without that drink ... It serves no good purpose to have more than two, maybe three drinks at the most, ... more than that is a desire to escape reality, and that can get you into real trouble ...

If after one or two drinks, you feel the desperate need for more, then you DO have a problem, whether or not you continue to drink or not ... it's that insane IDEA that you must have more to get that 'feeling' you think you must acquire ... ah yes, you may be able to summon enough 'self-control' to have a couple and quit, for a few times, but if this is hard for you, then you belong with us ...

You're very welcome to stick around for a while and learn more about our disease if you wish, we welcome you to ... and there won't be any AA police coming after you, LOL ...

Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy

wagon · Senior Member

Chapter 3 in the Big Book explains this pretty well, maybe u would like to take a look... Take Care. Wagon

Zoomtopz · MIP Old Timer

Welcome Michele.

I suppose It IS Entirely up to you .

I did Not Identify with Anything or anybody when I got to my 1st meeting .

I was at a detox in a public psych hospital in Sydney , Australia . Part of th requisite

of being admitted to that detox , was , that you stop drinking & go to AA meetings .

I did nit identify with any of th other patients , 30 of us which included 8 people back

from relapses - a professor , a flight attendant , a policeman , a millionaire , several

computer experts etc . So we were a mixture of society . WHO Had hit th wall with

our drinking . I thought "What have I got myself into This time" . Yes for me it was

Allways a "This Time" whether it was alcohol related or not .

At th group therapy - day one . I was told about th AA "I-S-Ms .

At my 1st meeting - 2 things , I will mention here .

A bloke said to us (it was a hospital meeting) "Ask Your SELF , What are you doing in

this hospital , this place is for Sick people . But you could ask your SELF . WHAT Are you

going to do about IT . If You are an alcoholic & you drink again , I promise you . ALL the

things that happen to alcoholics , When they Pick up That FIRST drink . I Promise . WILL

Happen to You" . That made me think a bit , as well as what I had heard during th day .

The other bloke told us "Try AA for 3 months , if you don't like it , Your Misery WILL be

Refunded" . I Have an above average IQ , but , it didn't take "a rocket scientist" to work

some of the "simple" "stuff" out .

Michele , over 28years later . I Am Still here . I Still attend regular meetings , in fact , I

just had over 3 weeks Stateside , for a family & Navy reunion & got to 12 meetings .

As it turned out Michele . AA , SAVED My life . Why I Still attend meetings on a regular

basis . I Could Never repay , what was given to me Free of charge .

Michele , when I got here . I did not have a drinking problem .

I HAD a Living problem - hence th Ism's .

I had No fears - I am a Vietnam Vet . I am a Decorated Aussie Sailor . I LOVE BEing by

my SELF - Solitude , not Isolated . Yes Michele . I AM Comfortable , LIVING In My OWN skin.

Today.

-- Edited by Zoomtopz on Wednesday 31st of December 2014 02:58:15 PM

-- Edited by Zoomtopz on Friday 2nd of January 2015 04:13:27 PM

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

ChickenLittle wrote:
Can't I just be a problem drinker that needs to stay sober for today?

Sure you can. Every member of AA has the option of interpreting the program as he or she likes. This is a long standing principle.

ChickenLittle wrote:
Didn't know you had to commit for life or be ostracized ð©

You don't commit for life. If anyone told you that, he is mistaken. A LOT of, probably most, AAers commit to only one day at a time.

Hell, that's enough. That's what I do.

Best of luck to you, CL.

Fyne Spirit · MIP Old Timer

ChickenLittle wrote:
First meeting was an epic fail everyone there spent the whole meeting trying to tell me I'm just like them and if I don't agree I'm just in denial.. I related to some of the things that were said but I still don't identify as an alcoholic.... Today I am powerless over alcohol sure but I believe that in due time I will be able to resume casual drinking... Whether you agree with me or not can I just get help for today without everyone trying to plan out my new sober forever life... Today I want to be sober because I have defiantly been abusing alcohol but I have no interest in counting how many days since my last drink because I don't plan on staying sober forever. Can't I just be a problem drinker that needs to stay sober for today? Didn't know you had to commit for life or be ostracized ð©

I would say this is an excellent example of the AA folly of trying to use a meeting as a substitute for a 12 step call. Each group has but one primary purpose, to carry its message to the alcholic that still suffers. The alcoholic diagnosis is left to the individual. In your case ChickenLittle you say that at the moment you are powerless over alcohol but you dont see your self as alcoholic and you don't see your powerlessness as a permanent state of affairs. One of the things we dont do is diagnose or talk people into being alcoholic. You either have the obsession of the mind, the phenomenon of craving and the spiritual malady, or you dont. You cant be talked into it.

By reading the Big Book one can gain the impression in a number of different places that our program could be of use to people who wish to stop for good. If you don't wish to stop for good, I dont think AA would have a lot to offer. Most of us who have gained the rewards of living this wonderful way of life have done so because we were in an intolerable situation and were desperate enough to take the action that changed our lives. You don't sound like you are in that position.

Our book tells us to let you follow your conscience. By all means try a dry spell and then see if you have control back or not. If it works out, great, if it doesnt, we'll still be here.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Great post Mike ... ... ... by the way, where have you been hiding ??? ... missed you ...

Pappy

Fyne Spirit · MIP Old Timer

Thanks Pappy. Missed you guys too. Weve been living on the boat for the past two years, travelling around NZ, and I have found myself very busy with 12 step work in some of the remote and not so remote areas.

I will try and drop in more often. Happy New Year by the way!

The Ghost of Tipsy · Veteran Member

ChickenLittle,

You can do whatever you want. Nobody in AA can force you to take their suggestions. I know this because for over a decade I used AA like a spa. When I was feeling down about my drinking I'd pop in for a visit, hang around for a week or two until I felt better and then resume drinking. Nobody could persuade me that I had to make any significant changes and I'm not going to try and convince you. All I will say is that normal people don't end up at AA meetings. Like it or not your f***ed and when life eventually gets bad enough you'll either make the decision on your own to use the program or you won't. For some their decision time comes after they've lost everything they ever cared about. Others are smart enough to recognize that they don't have to wait until they've completely pissed their lives away. I don't know you so I can't comment on your level of intelligence. Time will tell.

My opinion is that if you have to sell someone on a clean, sober life you're wasting your breath. We should all save our time and energy on those smart enough to want it.

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Tipsy... Usually the more intelligent the harder to persuade. Remember the disease uses your own best thinking charm and wits against you. It is check mate until we are lucky or blessed enough to get to revive our true selves. None of it is a waste... No matter how far down the scale we have gone... Or how long the scale... We will see how it was as it needed to be to give us the chance to truly understand the peace and joy that comes from being free of self bondage. I am so grateful to live in town. Had I not lived in the country I would take it all for granted. Today I Get to be here. I am not just here. Gratitude is precious and the predecessor to joy.

The Ghost of Tipsy · Veteran Member

Well then I'm a bloody genius because I was a nightmare to "persuade".

To be honest I don't quite buy into the theory that the more intelligent newcomer is a difficult case because of his or her ability to rationalize or because of their habit of over analyzing things. It's my opinion that those who come in before their lives are completely in the toilet just appear smarter because they aren't as broken as those who've really hit bottom...yet.

If there were some magic words I could say to help someone new avoid making the mistakes I did I would use them. Unfortunately I've been in their shoes and I know that the pain has to become too much to bear before a truly sincere desire for recovery can happen.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Interesting observation there Tipster ...

1st of all, I think we all have different 'bottoms' ... some have rougher bottoms than others, and I don't necessarily mean a loss of material things ... and I feel a person's 'bottom' is more related to their total defeat in emotional stability than any lost material things ... such as the complete loss of the ability to love another human being ... starting with themselves ... which brings about the need for that 'total psychic change' we read about in the Dr.s Opinion section of our BB ...

I think the more intelligent the alcoholic, the harder it is to admit you don't have the ability to fix yourself ... but we try ... and in my case, I tried, and tried, and tried until I reached that 'total defeat' point we talk about (the bottom) ... I think step 1 was the hardest barrier for me to cross in AA ... I kept coming back and I kept going back out until I proved to myself that I could not possibly do this without help ...

Magic words ??? ... there are no magic words, but there IS 'magic action' that shows the prospect new-comer that they found there answer ... that's for them to witness the extreme joy and happiness in those AA members who have worked the steps, to see them try to unselfishly help others to recover ... without any expectation of getting anything in return ... that's pretty 'impressive' when you see someone giving their time to help another person they don't even know ... (it's what the Big guy in the Big BB did) ...

Alcoholics DO NOT like being told what they MUST do ... but if they see how we've come to love life anew, then maybe, just maybe, they'll let their guard down and start 'listening' to what worked for us ... we have to let them see what is in the balance for them, we need to create the DESIRE deep down within them to want what we have ...

That's my 2 cents worth ...

God Bless,
Pappy