I worry they won't welcome me. I am ashamed I need to find a sponsor and it's a group I can walk too? I'm disappointed in myself and worry about others being too.
Please do go back! And go back ASAP. The only shame you should possibly have is in not going back. Almost everyone has a lapse, some more than others. I personally have had too many to count, and only 2 serious ones...not because of the time I stayed out, but because of the depth of my recovery before then, I only stayed out less than a day each time, but it was heartbreaking how low I had gone after all I had learned, except I was told I didn't lose my knowledge just my time. Everyone was glad I didn't die, like so many do. You'll find new people have joined and maybe they need someone they can help, that being the newcomer is a help to someone else...
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Clean/Sobriety Date: July 8, 2012.
Surrender to win! I finally know what it means.
It's my fear. I told my husband I would go yesterday and I didn't spent the day finishing the bottle and puking. It's been a week of all day drinking. He stayed home from work. I couldn't even pull it together enough to go out to dinner. Yet he still brought me home food. I just don't feel hungry. I thought about going to the hospital but than I'm the one who ruined Christmas even more.
Think of it this way - us people in AA are like people who have survived a sinking ship and have found our way into the lifeboat.
Sometimes, some of us get too close to the edge of the boat and the seas get rough, maybe we didn't hold on tight enough, and we fall back into the water.
OF COURSE the people who are still in the boat will welcome us back and they will do what they can to help us get back into that lifeboat!
So get back in, and STAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BOAT! Surround yourself with sober people who have experience in AA and who can help you stay sober.
Moe - Only the minority of us got sober the first try. And even for folks that may have never relapsed after going to AA, that is still a bunch that knows and accepts fully they cannot stay sober on their own because they tried it and relapsed prior to coming to AA. Hence, every single person pretty much has their own relapse story. The disease wants us to feel shame and avoid the rooms of recovery. You can do this Moe!
Also, more than likely - It's going to take going to AA daily for quite some time, getting a sponsor, working the steps, being involved....Dive in! AA doesn't work as well if you just go to meetings. Really really work it to get the results.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
And...ALL of us had to get to the point that we were thoroughly disgusted with ourselves and our drinking before truly surrendering to the disease and the process of recovery. You actually sound like you are more ready for this than a lot of people who may be just considering going to a meeting. I can tell you are already convinced you need this and that is a good thing. Go to that meeting and keep us informed!!!
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Moe, you are at the same place I've been many times ... and everywhere I've been, the AA members ALWAYS welcomed me back ... I always felt this deep guilt thingy when returning to the group, but they always made me feel that I had just come 'home' ... Go ahead, get to your meeting and start getting 'well' ...
Love y'all and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Sis welcome to the board. This isn't a moral issue and we are not bad people though we know guilt as if we invented it. Alcoholism is a disease...a compulsion of the mind and an allergy of the body...puking is but one sign of the allergy and needing to drink again after a puke fest is a sign of the compulsion. AA is one method available to us to change the thing we can...the disease for sanity, serenity and sobriety. Thanks for your share here about what you are going thru cause even though I won't wish that on my worse enemy it helps me to remember what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. The fellowship always will love you and hold your chair and will also welcome you back again. We love to watch miracles because it is what we want for ourselves. (((((hugs)))))
