Being a professional drunk for so many years I have surrounded myself with various items of booze worship. Metal signs, banners, specialty drink glasses, flasks, bottle openers, etc. I have grown an attachment to these things, somehow they made me feel justified in partaking in my craft. I realize now that it is time to let it all go, give it all away. That is not the person I want to be anymore. It is a reputation that I have built for myself. In my circle of acquaintances I am the drunk. Over the last few years I've noticed that many of my so called friends have begun to keep their distance, especially if they have spent a night in my company when I was on a mission for oblivion. The only one that stuck around on a regular basis was someone who even I at times loathed for his absolute drinking insanity. I listened to what people had to say about him and as much as I agreed with what they were saying I couldn't help but wonder just what they had to say about me when I wasn't within earshot. Surely it couldn't be much different, for him and I weren't much different in regards to our behavior once we were deep in our glasses with full bladders. This brings me, in a round about way, to the topic of this thread. I am not sure who I am anymore. I am sober today, that much is true. Through the last decade or so much of who I was seems to have been lost or buried. Parts are coming through, things that I have all but forgotten about. I am still very young in this business of recovery. Tell me then, do we ever regain our former selves?
Okay, I'm trying this again ... lucky you, shortened version ... LOL
Do we regain our former selves ??? ... It depends on who or what we were as to whether we desire to return to who we were ... many times, we wish to change everything about ourselves ... cause there wasn't much to salvage ... we gotta change the man in the mirror ...
I woke up one day in early recovery and found it prudent to get rid of all my Budweiser racing T Shirts, my set of freezer beer mugs, posters, etc. ... I decided it represented my 'past life' and did not wish to be constantly reminded of it, nor did I wish to wear the T-shirts showing a cold 'Bud' on them ... Sorry Dale, Jr. ... ... ...
I also found it better to not listen to country music for a while ... doesn't bother me now, but in early recovery, it got to me sometimes ... I even had to change TV channels when certain commercials came on ... doesn't bother me now either ...
We learn to do whatever it takes to not drink ,,, and I mean WHATEVER it takes ... and I have found building a STRONG spiritual foundation, like the BB sez, was indeed a key factor in my recovery ... hope you find it so as well ...
Take Care, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Tell me then, do we ever regain our former selves?
Well for me, I was a pretty uncomfortable scared and miserable kid before I started drinking, and if someone had told me that 'I could regain that through sobriety' it would not have been much of an incentive to stay sober. And fortunately, sobriety has given me FAR more than simply a return to who and what I had been before I drank. It's an entirely different life, and an entirely different way for me to feel about who and what I am, and it's much, much better than anything I had prior to AA, both before and during my drinking. And I got that through using the 12 steps, not just by abstaining from alcohol.
Regarding all the drinking paraphernalia and décor, instead of just thinking of it as 'letting it all go', which can have a feeling of loss associated with it, I encourage you to think about what things you might like to use to replace all that stuff. And think of it as a metaphor for what things would be good in your life to replace the drinking. Because getting sober is far more than just an end to drinking. It's the start of pretty much whatever you really want to do with your life that was being prevented because of the drinking.
-- Edited by davep12and12 on Friday 7th of November 2014 06:37:50 PM
In my experience, I regained some of my old self, but it was more that I unlocked a newer, better self that I had no idea I was even capable of being. First the program got me sober, then it helped me to change to be an ever better, well-adjusted person.
I'm not perfect and will always have work to do. Life will always have ups and downs too, but that 15 years of drunken haze I lived in - That's history. I am glad for AA and how it has helped me become who I am today.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Fritz, in my experience, many people become the person they always wanted to be - internally, once they get sober and stop allowing the madness of addiction to run their lives. As drinking alcoholics, we are literally crazy people hurting ourselves and those around us, and making up any excuse we can cling on to in order to justify it. You cannot be happy and healthy with that sort of thinking. Sobriety takes a lot of work, but holy shit, once you step outside of boozing and see our addiction for what it really is, I think most people are glad to part with everything they associate with getting drunk and waking up every day feeling horrible. It sounds like you're starting to do some really good work. Keep posting and best of luck.
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
