I am a 46 year old Mother of three wonderful children. I am married and three years ago my Mother came to live with us in the later stages of Alzheimers, I had to quit my sales job, I had a very serious anxiety attack. I was always a partier but my drinking got out of control. I then got a DUI early this year. I have always been the strong one, the glue that held the Family together and nobody (my Husband) seems to get I need him right now. I want to go to rehab and my insurance will cover most of it once, but I am more afraid of coming home to same triggers as I will leave. I am not blaming anyone, but I am so afraid to leave. My husband is not supportive and has no thoughts of getting a job or changing his ways. I know this is not about him, it is about me being healthy again. The guilt and shame over this DUI has about killed me emotionally.
Welcome Patty to the MIP family and the world of recovery. Our recovery is a "do" thing in spite of those things which might make us faint. This is you on you and if you don't have you then you have nothing. Let me encourage you to dig deep for the "courage to change the things you can" and leave the rest of the worries over to a power greater that yourself. You sound very very aware of what happened and what it is like now...fear. Let me give you something the program gave me when I was in your shoes early on. It is one acronym for FEAR FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAR. Nother words because recovery requirements were so new and so foreign to me my mind (for what it was at that time) was feeding me pictures that were outside of reality. Actually detox and rehab is what you'll get by being willing and open minded and committed to attend. You cannot predict the future so don't. Live in the moment and what the moment requires. The disease is progressing in your life and you need to find the brakes to stop the predictable train wreck.
You are a good, kind and giving person and you are by your awareness alcoholic. That last one trumps everything else. I'm in support...Welcome to the board, come by often and in the meantime find AA meetings in your area to get to asap. Get the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous which is also on line. (((((hugs)))))
I encourage you to check them out. If you'd like any help or encouragement locating & attending some meetings, there's plenty of folks here willing to assist.
If you have any questions about AA, alcoholism, or getting sober, feel free to ask.
Hi, I would try AA meetings and going to the rehab you talked about. All I know from my experience is when drinking, my life is a complete darkness..And I know I don't want to pick up that drink again.
Don't do like I did, don't sit around waiting for things to change ... cause if we continue doing the same thing over and over, then noth'n changes ...
1st thing to do is to make 'YOUR SOBRIETY' the MOST important thing in your life (yes, even above family) ... TODAY ... another drink or drug will not improve anything, it ALWAYS makes things worse ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hi Patty...and welcome! We're very glad you're here. Just want you to know that there is hope for you in Alcoholics Anonymous and that your life can and will change for the better. It would be good if you can find some A.A. meetings to attend in your area and get connected to some other women who can give you the support and help you need. Please keep in touch with us here.
Patty, what helps us stay sober when we get back (if we do rehab) is immersing ourselves in AA with a sponsor and doing the steps. THAT is what helps us change everything. AA was my safety blanket during the turbulent first year or so that I had to really clean up some wreckage while also staying responsible... If I could do this, I know you can. I feel for you with being in the sandwich situation with mom and kids and a checked out husband. Was in an AA meeting and heard a woman share that exact scenario as well so I know you will find people who know your situation in meetings. Don't be scared to go. Or if you are scared, go anyway.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
You're not alone, Patty. There are plenty of people who feel the same way even after years of sobriety. They feel overwhelmed, discouraged and even disheartened by an endless array of challenges. It's something we all experience from time to time, without question. I only hope you can find a common ground between recovery and reasonable expectations. It may be the only way to balance the two simultaneously, motherhood and sobriety.
Now that I think about, the demands of motherhood are vastly underrated. You're required to do so much in such a short period of time, if not more. And if that wasn't bad enough, you also have a schedule to keep. Think about it, your day is usually broken down into three one dimensional segments, work, chores, and the occasional bath or two. So I understand your frustrations, entirely.
When you thing about it, 70 percent of all problems are handled by the mother rather than the father. If that wasn't bad enough, you also have an ailing mom to deal with. That statement alone can make anyone weep. When you combine those three elements together, it makes for a very interesting situation. Personally, I think you've taken on way too much, but it's only my opinion. In fact, you may have been feeling this way for some time now, like an unexplained version of post-partum depression or maybe even untreated alcoholism. I strongly recommend you seek individual help away from the chaos at home. It may actually save your life if not more.
Let's face it; we need to experience some level of optimism to adequately enjoy life and sobriety is no exception. There needs to be a sense of importance, a mission even. Without that, life will always appear drab and dreary. The bottom line for any alcoholic, we must discover our former joy and then find a way to get that back. You deserve nothing less.
The tricky part, however, is finding an avenue that actually works. It's usually the first step in our road to recovery. Sobriety experts, including addiction counselors or therapists and even nonprofessionals, like members of support groups including Alcoholics Anonymous, is always a good place to start. They will support you in any way possible. They can also provide you with the necessary tools to get your life back on track, guaranteed. I hope you do so. Welcome.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 4th of October 2014 04:24:27 PM
