About two years ago, an acquaintance of mine was on the verge of suicide, openly addicted to drugs and alcohol. In a fit of desperation, he went to an AA meeting. He loved it and kept going back to meetings, eventually finding a sponsor, working the 12 steps, and developing a close relationship with God. He traveled the country and let us all know repeatedly that he was doing better than he ever had before. He was never a close friend of mine, but watching him begin the journey to recovery from a distance inspired me. He was the first person that I ever saw, from the start, change so drastically for the better by being in the program. He made me want to get into recovery myself.
Recently, I found out through a mutual friend that he has started drinking periodically but feels as though he has it under control. As someone newly in recovery, hearing this news kind of destroyed me inside because I can't imagine spending two years surrounded by people in recovery, going to meetings, working the steps, developing a relationship with God, and then going back to the terrible existence of drinking. Up until now, all of my attempts have been half measures, but this guy seemed like the real deal. And it's devastating because, as an alcoholic, I can imagine that familiar voice telling him against his better judgment that he can drink normally now. I obviously don't know what will happen, but if he's like me his drinking will spin back out of control.
Ultimately, I'm trying to accept that it's between him and his higher power. Alcohol is of course cunning, powerful, and baffling. And in the short time that I've been around, I've already seen many people come into their first meetings and not return. And I've seen people who I thought were regulars stop showing up. I don't have much to say except that it's sad to see folks get dragged back in and I'm thankful for each morning that I wake up sober. Apologies for the heavy post, but it's been weighing on me. It also reminds me that I need to be absolutely vigilant about my thinking, and likely will need to be every day for the rest of my life.
-- Edited by AdamMoz on Wednesday 20th of August 2014 08:32:50 PM
__________________
When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
Recently, I found out through a mutual friend that he has started drinking periodically but feels as though he has it under control.
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
BB pg 30
It is astonishing. I've seen it too. Was some resentment that he wouldn't let go of draggiing him down?....Some amends he refused to make? Only he and God know why he drank....Maybe he just wasn't done drinking yet. You know what I find works for me pretty well Adam. If I do today what I did yesterday to the best of my ability.....I won't drink today. A pretty simple plan. The directions for steps 10, 11 and 12 are clearly laid out...That's my design for living.
Here is some food for thought for you.....This is a three part problem we have...Mental, physical and spritual. It has a three part solution....Recovery(steps), Unity(meetings/fellowship) and Service...(Carrrying the message/Sponsorship/....Setting up chairs and making coffee....There is always something you can do.) It's been my experience...From what I've heard from people that have gone back out after years of sobriety....They were lacking in one or more of those parts of that three part solution....EVERY time. So keep your eyes on those three parts.....They're on the back of your chip if you forget them.....And you'll be OK. Pray for your friend....Nobody wants to see insanity or death. I have. It's not good.
-- Edited by Stepchild on Wednesday 20th of August 2014 08:47:41 PM
Just making this post was good service work Adam....You reminded me of the insanity of this disease. I'm a firm believer that God puts people in your life for a reason....You said yourself this guy inspired you.....Maybe there is something else he can teach you. If you get a chance...And he's lucky enough to make it back....Ask him why. See if it's not one of those missing parts that caused it.
Mike came into AA about 3 decades ago with a handful of other newcomers about that time.
An oldtimer told them to look at the guy on their left and look at the guy on their right ... that one of them would make it.
Mike is here and the others aren't. He put his head down and kept coming... praying and working.
Stepchild is exactly on the mark on this topic. Everything he said is absolutely correct. Over the years, I've seen folks with long-term sobriety commit suicide, and I've also seen lots of different people share in meetings that they relapsed after varying amounts of time in, what seemed to be, good sobriety. When these things happen, we A.A. members are often puzzled or even disillusioned -- wondering "what went wrong", or why this Program didn't seem to "work" for the person involved. Tons of questions float around in our heads.
Many years back, I was one of those who was so puzzled and wondering why. I had all those questions too. So, I started asking those questions. But, I boiled them all down to one. I began to outright ask those who had relapsed one simple question: "When you relapsed, what Step were you working on?" Their first response was to look at me like I had two heads. Their next response was to say, "I don't know...", or "I was going to meetings...but I guess I wasn't really on any Step". This was the response I got from 100% of the people I asked.
This brought me to a couple of conclusions: If you don't know what Step you're working, you're not working a Step. And if you're not working any Steps, you're setting yourself up for a relapse, or worse -- and it doesn't matter how many years of sobriety you have.
What I discovered for myself is that people who work the Steps don't relapse and they don't kill themselves.
"It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."
along with cunning,baffling, and powerful I believe alcohol to be patient and deadly,too. its just waiting for me- waiting for me to rest on my laurels, to not fix mistakes, to stop praying, stop goin to meetings, and stop talking to my sponsor and others in recovery. there was a man with about 25 years in AA when I got into AA. he seemed to be living the program very good. at about a year, I stopped seeing him. he was aback about 2 monhts later in terrible condition. he is who taught me what can happen by resting on my laurels, stopping meetings, stopping praying, and stopping talking to my sponsor and others. and one thing he said I don't want to forget: he didn't pick up where he left off. he picked up like he never stopped.
-- Edited by tomsteve on Monday 25th of August 2014 10:13:29 AM
I know that many won't like what I am about to say. This is from my experience as a rehab counsellor and twenty-six years of sobriety. My reality is that there is a small percentage that stay sober for the rest of their life. Where I come from, it is something like 1%. I believe we should not be surprised that someone relapsed, but that someone stayed sober and died sober. Sobriety is a gift worth grasping.
"...grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty." (AA, p.55)
__________________
"... unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of recovery." Dr. Silkworth. (Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Ed. p.xxix)
Adam that's a typical story of someone that gets too well too fast. Usually it seems to happen with younger folks that aren't beat up enough yet. I am very grateful that I struggled for 2 years trying to get sober. One I finally did, I was extremely cautious of my sobriety for the first 5 years, as it was about that 5th anniversary that I felt like I might just make it to long term sobriety. 2 years sober is not a lot of time. We stopped maturing when we began to drink regularly. For me that was 13 years of age. So by the time I got sober I was a 13 year old walking around in a 29 year old's body. I figure by the time I had 5 years I was about as mature as an average "normal" 18 year old. Hardly old enough to make a lot of critical life decisions, still I still sought the advice of my sponsor and some elders in my sober circle. So don't let your head get confused by this persons stinking thinking. It will likely not end well for him, but it takes what it takes and we need every drink to get us to the crucial turning point where the gifts of desperation and willingness become our daily companions. I am enjoying your writing by the way, know that I am reading even if I don't respond.
Thanks, everyone. And StPeteDean, I really appreciate what you had to say. It makes a lot of sense. On the one hand, I'm learning that in order to get sober we have to be willing to go to any lengths. At the same time, we need to accept progress and not expect perfection. Perfection, for me at least, was a close ally with my drinking. It's definitely a balance! I'm also beginning to really understand the gravity of sobriety in AA, in that it requires we explore and transform the depths of our personalities that wrecked decades of our lives. That's certainly not something that can take place overnight. Anyway, thanks again.
__________________
When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
I know that many won't like what I am about to say. This is from my experience as a rehab counsellor and twenty-six years of sobriety. My reality is that there is a small percentage that stay sober for the rest of their life. Where I come from, it is something like 1%.
I'm not going to say I don't like it....I disagree with it...Or let's say....I find it very misleading.
I don't know what the % rate for people that leave rehabs that stay sober for the rest of their lives is...I'm sure it's piss poor. But as far as people that honestly take the steps and continue to thoroughly follow that path.....Live by the principles....And continue to stay connected with AA as well as staying active in service work.....That it would be closer to 100%.
Thoroughly: including every possible part or detail; carried through to completion.
Now if they want to stop doing that at some point along the way.....Their chances are probably going to suck. So you are really talking about two groups of people here. Those that do it....With a 100% success rate......And those that don't.
I am enjoying your writing by the way, know that I am reading even if I don't respond.