4th step

Capital K · Member

4th step

tomsteve · Senior Member

good on ya!!!
did ya do the sex inventory,too? seems a lot of people miss that part.

-- Edited by tomsteve on Monday 4th of August 2014 07:05:37 PM

Enigma · Senior Member

Damn the sex inventory was the best part Lol. Kidding aside it does need to be examined for we are dealing with powerful God given desires which can cause a lot of harm to others if not used correctly.

Capital K · Member

I have not. Thanks for the tip. That's probably the most messed up thing about me!!

Enigma · Senior Member

Your not alone. We all needed a overhaul in this area. Our desires and expectations were always warped from a loss of spiritual values. Pages 68, 3 paragraph -pg71 in the big book gives you a guide through 4th step in this area.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

This is my opinion....But I think the sex part of the inventory is the most misunderstood part of the steps...And probably causes more people to balk at step four than anything else. This isn't about whips and chains here...This is about who have we hurt in our intimate relationships.

These are the the questions we are trying to answer here...

We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it.

BB pg 69

Let's see...Did I ever unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Does coming home drunk to the wife at 3 AM with lipstick on my collar count?

This about shaping new ideals for our future relationships...And asking God to help us with it.

In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test - was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed.

BB pg 69

Just something else we have to work on to live a spiritual life. What happens if we don't?

Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing. In other words, we treat sex as we would any other problem. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come, if we want it.

God alone can judge our sex situation. Counsel with persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge. We realize that some people are as fanatical about sex as others are loose. We avoid hysterical thinking or advice.

Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk? Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience.

To sum up about sex: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache.

BB pgs 69-70

Pretty simple and harmless stuff......This step isn't about punishing us. It's about identifying what is blocking us from God...From good....From life. Three things that Chuck C. says are synonymous. I tend to agree with him. If you don't know who Chuck C. is. He did a series of talks before he died that they turned into a book called....A New Pair of Glasses. I recommend the talks...Or the book.

Here's Chuck. He is the father of actor Richard Chamberlain....And he is good AA.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSWd1bEoXMI

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

And good for you for finishing your fourth step. If you are anything like me...You'll want the relief that step five has to offer ASAP.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Capital K wrote:
I just finished my fourth step. I agonized for a month about doing it. I must say once I got it on paper it wasn't so bad. It was easy for me to identify my fears and resentments. Step five will be hard for me. I'm done things in my life I'm not proud of. I swore to myself I would never speak of any of it to anyone. EVER! However I do realize that in order for me to grow in the program I must share it with someone. And with god. I hope what everyone tells me is right and I will feel better after this.

For me, step 5 gave me a great 'sense' of progress ... AND this was the boost I needed to 'proceed' with finishing the steps as efficiently as I could ... each and every step is very important ... my greatest feeling of relief of self was after step 9 ... life had started to take on new meaning at this point ... it was, and is, a great feeling ... mostly to know I could now be of service to God's Will rather than trying to live out my own self will ... ... ... things are so much better this way, never having to worry or be concerned about the way things will turn out ... now I know they will turn out for the best, despite my short-comings ... ... ...

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

My experience with step five was very close to the fifth step promises on page 75.

We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.

After a nice talk with my sponsor...We did this step in a beautiful park by a lake...I left there feeling like I was walking on air. For me...This was when I knew these steps were working. And I was eager to move on. I was delighted. That was something new for me.

2granddaughters · Senior Member

tomsteve wrote:
good on ya!!!
did ya do the sex inventory,too? seems a lot of people miss that part.

Tom .. you dog, you !! wink

Take care, buddy.

RubyTues · MIP Old Timer

Way to go, Capital K. I found Step 4 an agonizing process, and I was terrified of Step 5. Just terrified. But wow, when it was done... I felt about ten feet taller. It's an amazing feeling, I'm so excited for you!

tomsteve · Senior Member

2granddaughters wrote:
tomsteve wrote:
good on ya!!!
did ya do the sex inventory,too? seems a lot of people miss that part.

Tom .. you dog, you !!

Take care, buddy.

ya know, my 1st sponsor didn't even mention anything about it. I think ive heard that part as a topic maybe twice at meetings. I recall jittery people at them meetings.

IamDarryl · Veteran Member

You have come a long way. Just let out how you feel. God will help you succeed. He's all we need and we are safe.