This is my first day here and was my first serious day in getting real with myself and admitting how bad things have been for a while and how much I need to change. I went to a meeting this morning and met a really nice woman who I met for tea later in the day. She has offered to take me through the steps. I am scared I lost a man I love as a result of my alcoholic behavior. I am not doing this for that person though, this time I am doing this for me. I am scared a little excited because I need this change so badly and feel so much guilt and shame. Tomorrow I had a happy hour scheduled with a friend I need to get out of that and have already planned to meet with this fellow AAer for coffee tomorrow for support. Having trouble with anxiety today that and the shame and embarrassment. It comes and goes in waves. Normally I would drink to stop the anxiety so I am just hoping I can get through the day.
Congratulations on taking the steps that you have! I myself am only on day 2 of my journey. I am feeling the same feelings that you are. Scared, nervous, excited. And yes, the anxiety is difficult. I have generalized anxiety disorder as well so it has been a challenge to keep my anxiety down. Everyone I have talked to here has been so helpful, caring, motivating, and understanding. I am so glad you are here! Welcome!!!!
Welcome Mmip and it looks like you have made your first friend on this board already, and you two can help one another so much! It is exciting having other newcomers to cheer one another on. Like rtc said, this board is very helpful and I have used it so much to help me stay sober too. It is great that you have decided to change your life and already you have been to a meeting and have another meeting with an AA member! That is great! Yes, the anxiety is normal and that will lessen with time. I too would drink to cover it up and hey--the embarrassment, shame and other things???? More drinking to cover all those "guys" up as well. It was a vicious cycle. Try to focus on the excitement part which you said you are feeling and know that you don't need to use alcohol to cover any uncomfortable feelings and emotions you are experiencing. One thing I have learned is that it is great just to "feel" now. And yes, it is great that you have made this decision for you.
BTY
(And ready to change....Wow!!! How awesome it is that you are already helping others!)
I went to a meeting this morning and met a really nice woman who I met for tea later in the day. She has offered to take me through the steps.
Good for you...That's an offer that you won't regret taking someone up on. Give it all you got....It's life changing. I used to drink to calm my anxiety....Little did I know it was like pouring gasoline on a fire. It doesn't work. The steps do. Welcome to the site Mmjp.....Looking forward to hearing about your journey....And nice job Ready...Welcoming a newcomer. Beautiful.
Welcome to MIP Mmjp, ... Miracles do happen here ... My sponsor asked me once, you go'n to go 'our way of life' or 'your way of life' ... hell, mine sucked ... and I said I don't want to do either one ... He said I didn't ask you what you wanted to do, I asked what you were going to do ... ... ... I couldn't stop drinking on my own, so then I became willing to work the program and I am sober today ... that was years ago ...
This program won't kill ya, but alcohol sure as hell will ... it's progressive, AND, it's fatal ...
Glad your here ... great first step of action on your part ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Lessons I've learned...The opposite of anxiety is patience. I didn't like anxiety so ...I worked the patience and wallah different consequence...my mind gets quieter and my body..muscles and nerves relax. Keep coming back and of course don't pick up that first drink. ((((hugs))))
Mmjp welcome. I know what your going through I to lost my loved one. It does suck. But today I know I'm better off without her. It was more of a toxic hostage taking relationship than anything else. Sometimes things work out sometimes they don't. Try not to beat yourself up with the shame and guilt. Your anxiety might calm down with time. I developed GAD it didn't go away it got worse and i needed to seek outside help. It sounds like you have a sponser which is great. The good thing is that your sober and you don't ever have to live that life or be that person if you don't want to ever again. AA, a HP and the steps can transform you to live a better life. Keep reaching out and ask questions .
