New and scared

ready_to_change · Veteran Member

New and scared

Angell · Senior Member

Good day ready to change! Welcome!

Becoming ready to change is an auspicious beginning! Next, if you haven't done so yet, you might consider looking up Alcoholics Anonymous in the phone book (or call information). If you tell the person on the other end that you are new, looking to speak with someone and ready to go to a meeting, they'll almost certainly take it from there. You'll be given some meeting locations if you choose to drive yourself, or it is likely that you'll be offered a ride - if that'll be helpful.

Once at a meeting, you'll be introduced to AA and the big book and will almost certainly hear the suggestion to read the first 164 pages. It's good advice. I don't want to burden you with too much information right away, but again, would like to welcome you.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

I didn't know anything about AA when I was introduced to it...I was in a rehab. I was hopeless and I was terrified. All I can tell you....Is there is a way out. And we can help you get there. Tell us a little bit about yourself Ready....I love the name. I'm hanging out right now watching some soccer....You got any questions...I'll be glad to help you out. There are some good people here.

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to the board ready to change, and I love your user name!
First of all, the best place to start for me was looking up online to find AA meetings in my area. (aa.org) or you can type in AA and your city.
Then I went to a meeting with open ears. I looked for a When and Where book located usually near the coffee. This book contains not only meeting info in your area, it has other important info as well and has a section in the back for names and phone numbers. Get some names of same sex people in the meeting you attend. If you want to drink, call someone before you drink to talk you through it and give you support.
They may sell Big Books at your meeting. Most of my meetings do. Or you can order one online or get one in your local bookstore. It is strongly suggested to attend 90 meetings in 90 days. I attended more than that --not everyone has the need to.
I came to this board in my second month of sobriety. I was already attending meetings. This board is an excellent resource for the newcomer and there will be so much love and support here from people who have longer sobriety time. You are in good hands.

BTY

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to you too PeggyL.

ready_to_change · Veteran Member

Thank you all so much for the warm welcome. I am 31 years old, I've been married for almost 10 years and I have two children ages 8 and 5. I feel like my life is spiraling out of control. I do not drink around my children at all. But I go out about every other night and I'm so tired of it. I'm tired of feeling hungover, not wanting to get out of bed the next day, and feeling so guilty for drinking in the first place. I'm scared to go to meetings. I dont know how to open up to people without feeling judged. Even writing this is hard for me. I want to be the best mom and wife I can be and I just feel like I'm failing. Then I get more depressed and want to drink more. Its a constant cycle.

Angell · Senior Member

I think that most of us feared being judged in the beginning. The truth is though, that you are not unique in that way. There is no place that alcohol has taken you that it has not taken another alcoholic - or all of us. A key concept and suggestion that I received in the beginning was to "Identify instead of compare". You may have neglected your children through your alcoholism. Others who don't have children might have neglected their dying parents. Completely different at first glance but the self-centeredness and guilt are the same. These you may be able to identify with.

None of us walked through the doors of AA because we were proud of the life we were living. We are not here to judge and while it is possible that human weakness might cause someone to - you'll be amazed at what we are able to accept and laugh at today.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

It's a common cycle....It's one we all get stuck in. I learned a lot about my problem in the book...Alcoholics Anonymous. You can read it here online...Or you can get a copy.

http://anonpress.org/bb/

Start with The Doctor's Opinion.....It makes some sense. As far as meetings go...It's real normal to be scared. I think I was more scared admitting I was beaten by alcohol than anything else. I'm going to give you a site that explains meetings...It's put together by an M.D. She's not an alcoholic....But she covers meetings really well...I like what she says about fear. Get familiar with this stuff....We're open 24/7 here...You can always drop in and talk...Ask questions. We just try to help eachother out.

http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/First_AA_Meeting.html

I drank for 35 years and it cost me everything....Coming up on three years living happily without it. I didn't think I had a chance.

-- Edited by Stepchild on Saturday 28th of June 2014 04:46:29 PM

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

I had that fear too, and I'll bet if you polled everyone in the meetings you go to they'd all say they had fear. I had to get over my fear of fear and go to the meetings because I knew if I let that stop me, I would drink myself to death. So I guess you can say I fear death more than fear.
I have read two very similar posts by two different posters written fairly recently that sound like yours. I recognized myself in all of them. You are not as different as you think you are as far as feeling guilty, feeling depressed and feeling like you are caught up in a vicious cycle. Most alcoholics feel that way from what I have heard and learned since being in AA. One thing to keep in mind is that as long as you continue to drink--if you truly are an alcoholic (and only you can know that)--is that these depressing feelings and emotions will only exacerbate and will not let up with continued drinking. And believe me, no one in an AA meeting is going to judge you about your drinking. That's what we are all in there for--our alcoholism. I used to worry too darn much about what others thought of me, to the point where I wasn't taking proper care of myself.

We love you and care about you. Now, love yourself and take care of yourself. I know you want to be around a long time for your kids and your grandkids.

BTY

ready_to_change · Veteran Member

Do you think you can be successful without going to meetings?

-- Edited by ready_to_change on Saturday 28th of June 2014 04:43:47 PM

Angell · Senior Member

ready_to_change wrote:
Do you think you can be successful without going to meetings?

-- Edited by ready_to_change on Saturday 28th of June 2014 04:43:47 PM

Perhaps a better question might be: Do you think you can be successful if you are seeking an easier, softer way? My answer to that question is, no.

Your question depends on so many things. If you are in a remote village in the Alaskan bush, population 14 and you've got to take a Cessna to get to the nearest meeting two hours flight time away...then yeah, you can probably make it simply by following the directions in the book. If you live in town and have a choice between anyone of 25-2500 meetings a week and it isn't extreme hardship that stops you from attending a meeting but fear, then no.

There's an old saying around AA: You can't save your face and your ass at the same time.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

I don't. I couldn't. I was terrified to go....But once I went...It was the best thing I ever did. Something about being around people just like you...That want to see you get better....There is nothing like that. For myself.....This stuff was going to kill me. I was ready to do whatever it took...I'd already lost my marriage...House...Job....Everything. It was time for me to start doing some things I didn't want to do.....Or die. I guess the question is...What are you ready to do?....To change?

You can call the AA hotline for you area....I can help you get a number for it....Explain to them how you feel...Arrange to meet a women to take you to a meeting....They do it all the time. You'll be in good hands. All you have to do is go and listen. It's pretty amazing.

-- Edited by Stepchild on Saturday 28th of June 2014 04:54:52 PM

Enigma · Senior Member

Hello change welcome. When I came into AA I was scared to go to a meeting also. All it was is fear with no substance to it. Just a emotion. I went anyhow cause I new that's what I needed to get sober. I could not get sober by other means. It makes a difference that all these people share a common bond with me and they are the only ones who truly understand another alcoholic. I was scared and nervous when I raised my hand at my first meeting but I did it anyhow and everyone reached out to me. I was no longer alone in this. Meetings give you something to do, Meet new people that have been where you have and can help you get sober if you are willing to do what they do. Plus it's free with no expectations. If you have meetings in your area get to some and stick with the women. Keep coming back. If you are tired of being sick and tired there is a solution, AA. You don't have to live like that anymore or be that person you despise ever again. But you can't drink just for today.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Great post Enigma...Good stuff!

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Let me ask you a couple questions Ready...If you don't mind. Is your husband or family and friends aware of your situation? Is this something you are trying to hide? Would they be supportive if they did know?

ready_to_change · Veteran Member

My husband doesn't think I have a drinking problem. The majority of my family, (dad, brother, brother-in-law) are all alcoholics and yes, I think I am trying to hide it. So much that I'm starting to believe the stupid excuses that I make. I've had a long day so I should be able to have a drink. Or, my dad pretty much lives at the bar so in order to see my dad I have to go to the bar. Or the worst one, I'll be a better mom if I have some "me",time by going out an having some drinks. I'm so ashamed and disquested with myself right now...

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

I grew up with a bunch myself. I tried hiding it too...I think I was the last one to know. Excuses? The weather was good enough for me.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

I don't know how much you're drinking right now...Daily I mean. I know when I stopped...My brother checked me into a rehab....I needed to detox medically...And it was a 28 day program after detoxing for 5 days. That's not a bad way to go...If you think you might need something like that. But you have to do something different when you get out....They recommended AA....And I went for it. I couldn't live like that anymore....Tell you the truth...I was at the point...I didn't want to live anymore.

ready_to_change · Veteran Member

I drink about every other day. Anywhere from 6-10 beers. No liquor.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

I guess one of the things I'm trying to say....Is when I walkied into an AA meeting for the first time...A lady in rehab actually took me. It was like I was admitting for the first time in my life I was alcoholic....I never liked that word....But I knew I was one. It was like a giant weight taken off me....I had finally got honest with myself. What a relief.....I haven't had a drink since....But I also followed the suggestions given to me....For the first time in my life.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

ready_to_change wrote:
I drink about every other day. Anywhere from 6-10 beers. No liquor.

That's enough to be concerned....I used to drink that. This is very progressive....I ended up my last 6 months....A case to a 30 pack a day....Morning...Noon and night. I never thought I'd end up there. We get worse....Never better...As they say in that book.

ready_to_change · Veteran Member

Just in this short time you all have been talking to me I am much more relaxed about going to meetings. The relief that comes with accepting alcoholism and knowing you are doing something to fix it must be great. I dont want to let beer define who I am anymore. I dont want to have to be drinking to enjoy certain activities. I hate myself for all of the bad mistakes I have made because of alcohol and I really want to work through that and be the person I know I can be.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

They read this in the beginning of meetings a lot....See if you can relate. It's from chapter 3 of the book.

Chapter 3

MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.

2granddaughters · Senior Member

ready_to_change wrote:
Do you think you can be successful without going to meetings?

Welcome R-T-C:

Please read http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf

All the best.

Bob R

Angell · Senior Member

I like pickles; I truly do. Couldn't tell you when I had my last pickle though. Never have planned to run out and pick some up. I've never spent money on pickles I had earmarked for something else like bills. I certainly have never snuck a pickle and hidden my pickle eating ways from anyone. When I do have some around, I often forget they are in the refrigerator. Sometimes I see them in there and say something to the effect of, "Oh, we have pickles! That's right, I forgot."

I do remember when I had my last drink. I was constantly running out and getting more alcohol and planning trips. I had the power shut off cause I didn't have the money left to keep it on. Certainly hid the extent of my using from others. Never did forget where the alcohol was - or how much was left.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

ready_to_change wrote:
Just in this short time you all have been talking to me I am much more relaxed about going to meetings. The relief that comes with accepting alcoholism and knowing you are doing something to fix it must be great. I dont want to let beer define who I am anymore. I dont want to have to be drinking to enjoy certain activities. I hate myself for all of the bad mistakes I have made because of alcohol and I really want to work through that and be the person I know I can be.

That is the beauty of it....For one...Knowing you aren't alone with this...And for two...These guys got a way out....And they want to help you get there. You can't beat that. I've heard it called...The best deal in town.

davep12and12 · MIP Old Timer

ready_to_change wrote:
Do you think you can be successful without going to meetings?

-- Edited by ready_to_change on Saturday 28th of June 2014 04:43:47 PM

Hi ready_to_change. First, give yourself a big high five for taking the step to come here and start asking for assistance. Well done! You are among friends. Everyone here has been right where you are now, and we are here to tell you that it IS possible for people like us to live a completely sober life, and enjoy doing it, without feeling like we are being deprived of anything. In fact, most will tell you that getting sober, and the changes that have come about with that, have given them a life that has become far, far better than they ever would have hoped for. Sobriety gives us so much more than simply an end to the problems of our drinking (but hey, that alone would have been more than enough!).

Now to your question. We all realize how scary it is to be at the beginning of this, faced with all of the 'unknowns' about getting sober, what it would be like to go to an AA meeting, etc. All I can do is encourage you to give yourself a break and make a decision to give yourself the very best chance of success possible. And I won't lie to you - alcoholism is NOT something we should try to fix on our own. Get every bit of assistance that is available. You deserve it. And again, I won't lie, the very best way to do that is to contact AA and go to a meeting. Do a Google search for 'alcoholics anonymous' followed by the name of your city (or the nearest large city). That should take you to a site that lists meetings near you, and they may have a phone number you can use to talk to someone on the phone before you go. If your area has these type of phone services, the person on the other end is just someone like us, volunteering their time to help new people get started, as a way of paying back the help that was given to them.

But I cannot emphasize enough - this is a serious matter, and people like us rarely have any real success without getting directly involved in AA and getting to the meetings. Think of it this way - if you had some kind of medical condition that required various types of follow-up treatment to give you the proper chance of full recovery (like physical rehab for a broken leg, etc.) would you even consider asking a question like 'can I get by without doing the things that are going to give me the best chance for success'? I bet not. You would take advantage of the help that is available, and recover, and get on with life. Same idea here. Take a deep breath, pick up the phone, get to a meeting. I guarantee you will not regret it. Please write back and tell us how it went, okay?

Enigma · Senior Member

Admitting I had a problem with alcohol and accepting I was powerless over alcohol was the first step and half the battle. A certain amount of weight was lifted from me cause at least I new what the problem was now. Then it was just a matter of becoming willing to find a solution to it and seek help for it in the fellowship of AA.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Busy on this site today. I think you got some things to think about though Ready....It's a good start. I didn't even want to look at my drinking...I couldn't imagine life without it. Now I can't imagine why I put myself and loved ones through that hell for so long. I'm glad you are here.

-- Edited by Stepchild on Saturday 28th of June 2014 06:33:56 PM

ready_to_change · Veteran Member

Thank you all so much. I feel very hopeful. I know this will be a long hard road but I know I can do it. Especially with the help and support of all of you. I'm going to go grab my sons, put in a movie, and snuggle them for the rest of the night. I'll check in tomorrow. Thank you all again, so much.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Sounds like a good plan....We do this one day at a time....Just don't drink for today. It makes for an easier road...We'll see ya.

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

I have been out for a while having coffee with another AA'er. That's another great thing about this program.....I have more friends now than I have ever had! And I love them all!
I couldn't have done this without meetings....in fact I tried that and it didn't work for me. There is magic in the rooms and I cannot explain it. I can feel lousy, go to a meeting, and I feel so much better! And I have heard many others say the same thing.
A few years ago I was drinking around 6-9 drinks a day. The problem is, it took more alcohol to feel the same effects and before I knew what was happening, I would be drinking 9-12, then 12-15....until I reached 20+ drinks per day. I hated myself too, and really screwed up my life horribly because of my drinking. I hated myself, too. The only way I turned that hating myself into loving myself is to get into AA and work the program.
I hope to read future postings from you. Please never be afraid to post here--even everyday if you want to. You are helping me stay sober, too.

BTY

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to MIP 'ready-to-change' and PeggyL ... ... ... Sorry I'm late to this posting ... lots going on today ... and there have been a lot of good replys already ... good thread ...

Hello its me · Veteran Member

Welcome! Your life it going to get better.

You can begin meetings by sharing as much as your comfortable with. Even just your first name and that you are new. They'll take good care of you.