Am starting my 4th step and would like to find someone (female) who would be my online sponsor and help me through this and the remaining steps. I have done steps 1 - 3.
I think everyone here would be more than happy to be supportive of you, help you understand perhaps, and give their views of the 4th. I found that for a step of this importance, I needed someone face to face that I could whole heartedly and without reservation, trust with what I had to say. I don't know if I, personally, would be able to trust someone via the cyber world. Too many ifs, to many posers, etc. I've had some bad personal experiences with online trusting, so if it were me, I"d go to my home group, or where ever my happiest meeting is, listen and find the woman/person that seems to resonate with me the closest, and approach that person with the request. I got so many conflicting views in the tiny town I was in at the time, I eventually went to a priest for my full on, no protecting myself, 4th. Then it was a case of just doing my daily inventory with my sponsor. This is just my personal opinion, though. We all have our own comfort levels :)
You'll find that the folks here on this board are very helpful, and quite eager to lend support to everyone who asks for it. But, for writing a Fourth Step inventory from the Big Book, I think it's always much better to find a woman in your A.A. meetings who has done this, and ask her to go through the book with you, and help you. You'll more than likely have quite a few questions about how to do Step Four, and she'd be more able to answer them for you if you are having a face-to-face conversation with her. So, I'd suggest finding someone you can actually sit down and talk with. However, do feel free to ask questions on this board. I know you'll get all the help you need.
I need to do something about the Wren thing. It's been there since, like, '05 when I first came here. Gawds, maybe '04. I screwed up my acct. somehow (ding!) and started a fresh one but didn't have the sense to stop calling myself after a bird that hides in bushes. I have no idea how to change it to Chris.
And what Mike said. It's so much nicer to build a bond with a woman you trust. And she'd be way easier to get hold of than someone online, I'd guess.
I did the first three steps on my own....In rehab actually. But I studied that book in there and I knew it was time for me to move on...Get to more meetings...Get a sponsor...And get busy. So I left early and that's what I did. That line in How It Works....
If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps.
I guess I looked at "willing to go to any length" as doing things I really didn't want to do. Trusting another human was one of them. But I wanted what they had.....It was the best move I ever made. I have to agree with the above responses....I had to ask myself. Honestly...What am I willing to do....To get it? I think if I came up with any other answer than "anything"....I probably wouldn't have made it.
Welcome to the board Dotrix...
I know how you feel. Getting a sponsor and having face-to-face meetings was not something I wanted to do....it was something I HAD to do.You will hear in AA that others had to "Do What It Takes" to stay sober (which was actually the topic at my meeting tonight).
I have "met" some pretty scarey people online. A while back I would not feel the need to suggest to someone that there was anything wrong with having an online sponsor if that was what they wanted to do. However, I am at a different place and although hesitant at first, am very grateful for my sponsor and am glad I didn't do the online route--which was what I too was thinking about months ago. You are going to be discussing some pretty private things and you really don't know who any of us are. I may have a picture of a woman as my avatar instead of a cute monkey, and you still wouldn't know for sure I am even a woman....(actually, I can be quite a monkey at times . You may even get someone on this board who is not an alcoholic at all, who is just posting here....like someone just trying to sell kitchen cabinets..... or find out stuff about you and 13th Step you. You just never know.
Good luck to you in your sober journey. Listen to the shares, get to know some of the women at your meeting and you will find a sponsor. Even if it is a temporary sponsor until you can find another one, that is good too, as it will help keep you sober.
BTY
Hi Dotrix! Nice to have you here with us. Ditto to what the others have said. I also found it beneficial to start at The Beginning with a Sponsor. That being Step 1. It was important for me to have another perspective in relation to ALL the Steps. For me, God works through people. People are the one's who carry the message. Unity- Service- Recovery
First of all, I am a man and so I don't meet the criterion but...
Just in friendly contrast to the replies already: I did the steps with a sponsor via snail mail once upon a time. There are those of us for whom face to face is not possible due to proximity to meetings, illness, etc. While there are certainly benefits to f2f interactions with a sponsor, when I was in the military on constant deployment and during the time I was living in the Alaskan bush - it wasn't possible. I hooked up with Loner's International (and again on the service side when I got back to civilization) and it worked fine. In both cases (as a sponsee and as a sponsor) I came to conclude that if a person was willing to go to any lengths and prepared to get rigorously honest, nothing, including a lack of f2f time, would get in their way. On the other hand, if a person was looking to forgo the f2f meetings because of discomfort or a lack of desire only, then their chances were less than average.
I'll buy that Anglell...I believe when this thing started out there were people that got and remained sober with nothing but the book. There were no meetings or sponsors....I guess I look at it that these days...AA is everywhere.....I'm willing to bet if you are close enough to a liquor store...There's probably a meeting going on not too far away. I agree..If the circumstances make it that it's the only way possible....And the willingness is there....It could be done. If it's just a matter of looking for an easier softer way....That doesn't fly too well. They make that clear.
Be sure and let us know how you are doing Dotrix....This is a good place to learn. I stumbled on this site very early in my sobriety....There is a wealth of good AA information.
. You may even get someone on this board who is not an alcoholic at all, who is just posting here....like someone just trying to sell kitchen cabinets..... or find out stuff about you and 13th Step you. You just never know.