The good news is, I received a letter from my daughter. Over the last six years, I hardly heard from her at all. She sent me a box with a few gifts in it. I am not sure what for, except maybe when I reached a year she wanted to do something for me. Inside was a letter. I couldn't believe it. At first I thought it was for someone else and she accidentally put it in there. I opened it up and was amazed...."Dear Mom".....
It is a long letter--6 pages of that spiral notebook paper we used in school. She told me about her job, her decision to go to nursing school, her breakup with her fiance, and the reasons she still cannot see me even though I am sober now (which I understand and because of AA and my faith in God, I understand that is "accepting the things I cannot change" as well as letting her make her own choices. It breaks my heart and at the same time I accept it.
My heart could handle that......what it had a hard time with was her telling me about health problems she has been experiencing over the last several years. Things I had not heard about. My ex didn't share these things with me. She had asked him not to. Some of them happened when I was drinking and I guess she didn't want my drunken ass adding more stress to her already stressed life. Quite a bit more has happened since I have been sober. Perhaps they were worried about me relapsing. I cannot honestly say I wouldn't have because she has been through and still is going through some serious health problems.
My favor is....will you please send a prayer for my daughter and I hope I don't sound selfish if you would send one up for me, because I'm pretty scared right now... I just kept reading one thing after the other and I have never heard of someone as young as her having so many health issues. I have to respect her privacy and don't want to get into detail on a public board. If I had not been sober and in AA for this long, I think I would have been heading out to one of the nearby places that sells you-know-what to numb all this. I feel safe from doing that right now. Still scared now.
Thank you for sharing this with us Grace ... of course you AND your daughter will be in my prayers ... and I'm rather certain that many of the others here will also be, more than happy, to follow suit as well ...
I know you feel blessed and grateful for her to start sharing her life with you again, even if it is remotely ... it IS one of the answers to your prayers, I know ... faith, hope, and love ... these should be your constant companion right now ... and I 'll pray you have the strength to see this ordeal through ...
God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
Heading for the Sunday morning version of AA by the Bay my home group and I will take you and your daughter with me. HP loves that meeting cause we are shore side on the Pacific with all kinds of "God" drama happening all the time "specially" sobriety. Sounds like daughter is reaching our. Sounds like the "love connection" and you're sober enough to recognize and respond to it. I love to watch this side of recovery and Mahalo for sharing it with us. Let us know how it progresses. (((hugs)))
Prayers - I'm hoping the problems aren't as serious as she made out. Sometimes when we get sober people respond with "Oh and by the way...while you were drunk, (insert lots of stuff that may have happened or didn't but they are angry about anyhow). Kind of like a "Now you can worry about everyone else like everyone used to worry about you." Probably it is legit, as you describe a lot of sincerity in that letter. Sorry this is happening. Either way BTY, prayers are sent....of course.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Sometimes when we get sober people respond with "Oh and by the way...while you were drunk, (insert lots of stuff that may have happened or didn't but they are angry about anyhow). Kind of like a "Now you can worry about everyone else like everyone used to worry about you."
Oh man, how true this can be ... ... ... great insight PC ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
(you know, Pinkchip, I did wonder that...I think it was because of what you said about the "now you can worry about "us" now", etc. Maybe it was because I was really hoping it was not as serious as she said. Unfortunately, after emails with her dad, it confirmed that it is what she said it is. She still lives at home. She was in the hospital at least two times and had to have an MRI recently and we are waiting to hear those results. Poor girl was pretty sick at times when she was growing up and I had hoped that she was over it. I am finding myself questioning all the things I did, such as meals/diets, all the antibiotics she was on as a child, etc. and blaming myself. I think this is typical for parents to wonder about. My worrying and fears do her no good. All I can do is pray and be there for her and most of all NOT DRINK. I told my sponsor yesterday at our meeting that in the past, when I was drinking, I would have heard just one of the things that she has/is going through and I would have fallen apart, made it about me, and poured myself another drink....now I feel different, stronger and not as fearful. I was in somewhat a shock when I first read her letter. I am grateful to this program that I think I am handling things so much better....notice I said "I think". I don't know what the future will bring, and when the "c" word is used, it is pretty terrifying. I am trying just to focus on the "One day at a time" thing and not worry about tomorrow.)
One of the things I heard early on...And hold onto tightly....Is we don't drink no matter what. It makes me think of that part in the book...
Job or no job - wife or no wife - we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.
pg 98
I just got back from a meeting and we were talking about....How God has a plan for your life...As He has a plan for everyone's life. And how it would be pretty selfish to interfere with that plan. To put blame on yourself...Or drag yesterday into today. God has taken care of yesterday. That would put me in place of self pity...And that is not a good place for this alcoholic to be. Be there for your daughter BTY....Be sober for your daughter....And Trust God's plan.
