"I opened up the imaginary closet in my mind where I kept all the well-nurtured hurts and tossed them into my past, where they belonged. Into this newly cleaned-out space, I started storing my goals and the hopes and dreams of what I wanted to achieve in life."
This was a tough one for me ... 'LETTING GO OF THE PAST' ... ... ... ... while actively drinking, it was almost like I wanted all those bad things to stay with me ... so I had something to be depressed about, so I could gain 'pity' from others ... I think I loved that 'oh Pappy, you poor dear' ... 'no one should have to go through what you're going through' ... ... ... I really think I relished that scenario ... ... ... it gave me all the 'reasons' (in my mind) to drink like I wanted to drink (which was always, 'to oblivion') ... ... ...
Oh man, I'm grateful to not feel like I have to live that way anymore ...
Thanks Mike, gooood one ... ... ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I love this post, Mike and Pappy's response. That is what I think I have done at least some of...as since I have worked the steps, I don't bring up those things from the past nearly as much as I did and when they do creep in, I am giving myself a break and telling myself some of the things I have learned in AA, about the past is the past and I can't change it, and we only have today. And my attitudes have changed about trying to figure out why such and such did or said things to me in the past in that I have been able to have more empathy. Such as, with my dad and things that happened...instead of thinking my dad was a mean drunk sob.....I think "my dad was an alcoholic who was very sick and much of his behavior was the result of this just like much of my behavior was the result of my drinking...." (kill two birds with one stone with that because I don't beat myself up nearly as much for things I did.) My years-long anger toward my dad melted away once I got into AA and started working the program. And now I wonder how times many I was downing drinks while I went on and on about all the things my alcoholic dad did to me and like Pappy said, just to get "pity" from others. Many probably saw me as being such the hypocrite and probably were trying to find an exit from my mouth...
